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David H.
David H., BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 164
Experience:  Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
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Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX my 19 year old son is Rich. Rich

Resolved Question:

Hi,
My name is XXXXX XXXXX my 19 year old son is Rich. Rich got arrested for selling marajauna and spent one month in jail and one month in rehab. He is still smoking pot and taking many chances while he is on probation. He is a trust fund baby but the executor gives me the money to pay his bills. He lives on his own as we lost our house and I bought a mobil home in a senior park. The counselor that I had said that we could absolutely not live together. He has his own studio apt. He is not working but just started taking college classes so he could stay on my medical insurance. He is already talking about dropping one. We got into a big fight last night and I said I was moving to Oregon and he could have his own money and I didn't want any more to do with him. Is it a bad idea to let him have his own money when all he is going to do with it is buy more drugs an get into more trouble. His dad is out of the picture and lives in another country. His trust comes from his fathers side. HELP WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
BETTY
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  David H. replied 2 years ago.

DuddyH :

Welcome, I'm a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'd like to chat with you for a few moments to better understand your question.

Customer:

dont know how to chat on line help

DuddyH :

Hi...

Customer:

Ready to chat

DuddyH :

Sorry about that. JustAnswer has had some tech problems recently. I've been trying to get to this screen for about 8 minutes...

DuddyH :

Very much ready to chat.

Customer:

What do you think I should do

Customer:

ready to chat

DuddyH :

Yes sorry, you showed as typing on the screen so I was waiting for your response.

DuddyH :

You've provided a very detailed description of the problem you're describing. I'm very sorry to hear that you and your son are going through this right now...

DuddyH :

What I'd like to work on with you know is developing an equally clear and specific question to answer for you.

Customer:

OK i am ready for you advice

DuddyH :

Hi again.

Customer:

Where is my answer i dont know how to access it

DuddyH :

Did you see my last post?

Customer:

no

DuddyH :

Oh sorry about that. I mentioned that you had provided a clear and detailed outline of the problem, but I need a more specific question to answer...

Customer:

What more do you need?

DuddyH :

Well what do you mean more specifically when you say "help"?

DuddyH :

For example,

DuddyH :

Are you asking for suggestions about how to start to communicate more effectively with your son?...

DuddyH :

Are you asking about what evidence-based counseling interventions might be helpful?...

Customer:

No I am asking whether or not he should have control of his trust fund money at age 19 or should i?

DuddyH :

Got it, thank you. That's a very clear question.

DuddyH :

May I ask what kind of counseling your son has had?

DuddyH :

Just to clarify, I'm now going to ask a few questions to get an even clear picture of your situation. And don't worry I won't let you pay for this answer unless you are completely satisfied with it.

Customer:

every kind imaginable Pricey boarding school for troubled teens, private counselor ,drug treatment rehab for 30 days

DuddyH :

I'd also like to brain storm a few ideas that might be helpful based on my work as a residential treatment program developer teen therapist and school board behavior and crisis consultant.

Customer:

ok

DuddyH :

One thing that really strikes me here is that you say you fight all the time. Have you tried family evidence-based family counseling?

DuddyH :

Sorry I meant to type "evidence-based family counseling"

Customer:

He refuses to go he says he knows more than any counselor. maybe i could make it a condition that we see a counselor together but i dont know if he will go with me or not

DuddyH :

You are right on track with my thinking. Only, I would suggest that you make sure to work with an MST or FFT trained family therapist.

DuddyH :

Most forms of counseling for youth with drug problems fail and have often been proven to make things worse.

Customer:

ok do you think a 19 year old should have access to his trust fund money or should i still manage it?

DuddyH :

Honestly that depends on the specific situation. You have given a detailed outline of your situation compared to other customers, but I don't have enough information to answer your question definitively....

DuddyH :

For example, what does the law of the land in your area say is the right answer here? ...

DuddyH :

Also, does giving the trust fund money, unmanageable constitute a significant risk in this situation?....

Customer:

I believe so. Thanks i will get into counseling but i do not no what mst or fft trained is how do i ask

DuddyH :

No problem. Let me get you some very helpful links. I'll be back in a few moments....

Customer:

ok

DuddyH :

This is what I mean by FFT or functional family therapy. Working with a fully trained FFT therapist would be a really wonderful option if you were to make access to the money contingent on certain behavior change conditions. You could even attend therapy together just for the sake of deciding together if he should have access to the money unmanaged:

DuddyH :

I'll get the MST link while you review the FFT...

Customer:

That is a good idea. thank you for your advice and time. I am fully satisfied.

DuddyH :

No problem. Thank you for taking so much time to clarify.

DuddyH :

If you're fully satisfied with my answer, please don't forget to press the green "Accept" button so that I am paid for my time with you here today. I wish you and your son the very best.

Customer:

Thank you

David H., BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 164
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
David H. and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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