Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I know this is very hard for you to face. But the only way you are going to be able to deal with how you feel is if you talk to someone about what happened. If what happened is so bad that you feel like hurting yourself, then it is important you tell someone.
I recommend that you go to your local ER and not wait to see your therapist. You are saying that you feel like you want to hurt yourself, which is something neither I nor your therapist can help you with. You need emergency treatment.
Do you have someone that can go with you? Even if a neighbor can go along to be sure you get there and get attention right away, that would be helpful. If not, try contacting your local ER and tell them how you feel. They may be able to arrange for someone to come to you.
Going to emergency is not an option for me. If my daughter's father ever found this information out, he would make my life extremely miserable and use it against me.
I need to try and handle this on my own I guess.
You don't need to handle whatever this is yourself, but keeping it to yourself makes it hard for anyone to help. Your therapist and I can only offer comfort if we don't know what is wrong.
Going to the ER is better than your daughter dealing with you hurting yourself and possibly dying. You need care if you feel you are going to hurt yourself. You can sort everything else out later.