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I think you're on the right track with the unconditional love way of thinking about things. That's what you want from him--to love you no matter what--so it's only fair and right to give the same to him.
I think you should go back to sleeping with him. By staying on the couch, you're embarrassing him, and that can't be good for your relationship. Take the pressure off about sex. Hug and kiss him the same way you would if your sex life was fine. Build him up so his self-confidence grows. Him feeling like you appreciate him and respect him will go a long way to building a good relationship, and as he gets more self-confident, his desire may come back. It's really hard for a man to "feel like a man" when he's having money and/or employment problems, as these have a negative effect on his self-esteem, and bad self esteem can lead to a lack of sex drive.
And I think you're really figuring something important out--that when you feel good about your husband and baby, other people's opinions don't seem important. That's the first step to figuring out what makes you happy, and learning that other people's opinions are like noses--everybody's got one, so no one's opinion is no more important than any other...
Even though things aren't perfect, it sounds like you really are making progress in focusing more on you and your husband and baby and less on what other's think. Staying focused on your own, rather than comparing, is a great way to enjoy your own life much, much more.