Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. Logically, I completely understand my husband's position and it makes sense to stick with two children. But emotionally that's a different story. Two children is the "normal" size family. We have one of each. They are getting older and our lives are getting a little easier so why disturb it by going back. I get all of that, but can't shake the feeling that I'm not done having children. I resent my husband because I feel like he isn't even considering my feelings, just his. I don't want to bring another child into this world if he isn't on board, but I don't want to look back in 20 or 30 years and have regrets either. I feel like you regret the things in life more that you don't do than those that you do. I've heard from others who have adult children now who wish they would have had more children and I don't want to look back and feel that way. I know of so many people who feel they are done and are completely at peace with that decision. When I try to convince myself that I'm done, all I feel is sad, and not done. I wish I felt done and like our family was complete, but I don't.
I know that part of my reasoning lies in the fact that I had three miscarriages before our daughter was born, and there's a part of me that feels that third child is still waiting to join us. Also, I grew up with a sister whom I'm extremly close to and there's a part of me that would love to give my daughter a sister. Of course, there are no guarantees that we'd have another girl and I know that. I also only have only one sibling and always wished I would have had another brother or sister. My husband has two sisters and is very close to both of them.
I guess I just need to find another outlet to channel my energy and hope that in time this feeling will go away. I just wish it wouldn't keep getting stronger. I've been wrestling with this internal war for about a year now and it has yet to get easier. I absolutely love being a mother and will try to channel my energy into the best mom that I can be to my existing children. If you have any suggestions as to what I can do when this very strong desire for another child comes around I'd really appreciate it. I really want to find a way to get past this and move on if I can.