Thank you for contacting Just Answer....
Let me see if I can help you in this situation...
I have read your questions a couple of times and I believe I can help you here.
It is my intention to answer your questions and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you click on the green accept button?
OK.... I see you are offline. Let me go ahead and see if I can answer your questions with what you have posted so far.
Before I go further, let me just commend you for reaching out in this fashion given your situation. I work with lots of parents and "guardians" such as yourself and I wish that more would reach for "consultations" as it would make everyone's life better :)
Now, I know how this may be rather upsetting or very upsetting perhaps.... However, I have dealt with similar situations and they seem to be becoming more and more frequent for a number of reasons (societal reasons such as what we are dealing with in the media) I won't go off on my rant, but things are certainly different than when we were kids :)
As for question number 1) I don't think you should ask the other mom to explain what exactly she "saw" as this might lead her to believe she is being confronted (as sit were). But I do suggest that you keep an open dialogue with her - even let her know what your great niece said - just for her information in case her daughter also denies this. I don't mean to suggest you would do otherwise, but it bears mentioning to keep in mind that it is best if you two present a united front in with a helpful attitude.
Furthermore, not much will be gained at this point whether they were actually doing what they are accused of.... that is to say that what ever they did or didn't do can't be undone and the consequence was perfect in either case. It was a natural consequence (the sleepover was stopped) so they get the message and no other (behavioral) consequence is necessary
As or question 2) first of all let me point out that while this is not desired behavior, it is not out of the realm of "normalcy". That is to say, that children (especially girls) are curious about such matters. And as I mentioned above this is becoming more and more prevalent given what children are exposed to in the media these days.
You handle it by explaining to her what is appropriate and not appropriate for her age, etc. make sure that she understands that being curious is not wrong in fact it is very good. But that she needs to come to you to ask about such things.
This can actually turn into a very positive experience...You can cultivate open communication regarding such things which will be very good especially as she approaches adolescence :)
Teach her appropriate ways to show affection to her friends - the right way to hug as well as parts of her body that are her private areas that are not to be touched by anyone "until she is married".
I hope I have answered your questions to your satisfaction. If you have follow questions please post them here.
Do I allow them to have future sleepovers? I have found out the classmate has a laptop in her room unsupervised and a step-brother of their age, in the same classroom and is over all the time?
We are from a small town.
I think the sleepovers may not be a good idea - unless the supervision is changed dramatically. There are many other ways for them to spend time together without having a sleepover :)
By the way, that was a great question :)