I am in therapy and taking medication for depression and anxiety
All that aside I was in a love relationship for a little over two years.
I am 58 and my past wife died in 1999.
Since then I hadn't dated much but didn't find anything that seemed to be attractive to me.
isolate myself and it was work and single parenting my daughter from age 7 on.
Anyway this woman that I was in love with in college before I met my wife got in touch with me by finding me on the internet.
It was a bit of long distance but we met here and there and spoke everyday and Skyped on the weekends. Early on I knew I was back in love with her. She expressed the same and that she, as I did, wanted to be in the same place together.
After two years we both met in our mutual home state and met each other's families.
After that she calls me from home and says she wants out and that she wanted to go back to being happy the way she was a year ago without me.
No indication of this coming,,of course I could be blind... but she gave a lot of different excuses ...but in the end I accepted that it wasn't meant to be. It has been hard. This was the happiest I had been in 12 years.
I later found out through my obsessing about her that she had been seeing someone else sporadically while we had agreed to be mutually exclusive. That hurt as well of course.
I think perhaps she had enough feelings for me or that she just had a difficult time telling me that this was a more casual thing for her and saying I love you meant a different thing to her. My anger is that I had brought up the distance as perhaps being a problem and if she met someone in her town while we were figuring out the logistics of being together she should tell me. I would be sad
about it but could understand.
We had visited each others home towns 2 times each for a week each as well as flew to halfway points another 4 times for a week each. I told her I was all hers and felt the same from her.
OK I have been making progress and have been practicing the no contact rule since Christmas when I sent her a brief card wishing her the best for her future. She responded with an email which I didn't answer out of self-discipline. ( Oh she cut it off in late july and we had some email exchange about it for a couple of months. I was obviously more devasted since she wanted to leave and I didn't but that is the way it is. I told her and meant it that even though it hurt I was glad to have been a part of her life for what time we had.)
Now to the a question... Finally...thought you might want some background.
She has used photos that I took of her for her Face book and another site. She also has used the exact same website template for her webpage as the one I had. She could have chosen out of hundreds if not thousands. The Pics are special to me because they were of places we were together celebrating our love. Outdoors. etc. I can appreciate the fact that she might like them as good photos but she has many friends that can take photos of her.
1. Could she possibly be sending me a message ...since she obviously has trouble communicating emotional stuff directly...that she still has feelings for me? Am I reading too much in to this?
2. Would it be appropriate to contact her through the mail, explain that I am still having many strong emotions about this and that even though I should stay away from her facebook and website ... I am gettin better at this.... could she please use some other photos since there are so many emotions and feelings I have attached to these images.
I feel like I am being played or that perhaps even worse she has no concept of how deeply I feel for her and is oblivious to that. She has moved on I believe but these are painful for me. Even after she called it off she sent me poems and then was upset when I responded with those of my own. She said they were too painful for her especially since she was involved. It seems like she only wants things on her terms without consideration for my feelings.
My therapist says to forget about it and just not go to those sites. I am getting better at it but ....
What say you?