Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
I am sorry this happened to you. This woman betrayed you when she could have just been honest and let you know that the relationship wasn't going to work for her.
From your description of this woman's behavior, it sounds like she is thinking only of herself. She cheated on you and lied to you and doesn't seem sorry about what she did, which is a sign of someone who has traits of self centered behavior. Now she is using photos you took of her during your time together and using a template that you had for yourself. This type of behavior shows that she is not thinking of how you feel at all. She should be aware that you are hurting after what she did. If she cared, she would take these things down and move on.
It does not sound like she is trying to send you a message. It sounds more like she is being insensitive or maybe even baiting you. It may be that she wants to hear that you were on her Facebook account so she can feel you still care about her or feel she is important. Meanwhile, she is hurting you and does not seem to care about what she is doing.
It is hard to move on from a relationship when you love the person. You want to have hope that there is still something there. And if you give up, you have to face feeling the grief that comes after the end of a relationship. But although facing the end of the relationship is hard, it is better than never knowing where you stand with her and always wondering if you have a chance to be with her again. And most likely, she would just end up hurting you again if you were with her.
I agree with your therapist. If you can, do not look at her accounts. The more you look, the more you will be hurt. Try to find something else to distract you so you don't go on. You may also want to make your account private so she cannot see it or contact you again. The more she has access to you, the more she will keep playing games with you.
Unless she is truly sorry for what she did to you and makes amends, she is going to keep hurting you. It is best to cut off all contact and move on. She may try to get you to come back by contacting you, but ignoring it is your best option. Otherwise she will keep finding ways to hurt you.
It may also help you to explore why you feel the need to keep having contact with her even when it hurts you. Your therapist may be able to help you find out if you feel there is something missing in your life or you have unmet needs. That way, you can focus on feeling better and it will help you move on for good.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX been exploring my own issues with need and the dependancy on another for happiness.. Self esteem and such has been an issue all my life. Although I am feeling much better now. Stronger.
It's just that so many times I have held my tongue and not expressed my feelings when angered or hurt... especially in love relationships....that I wonder if I am bending over and letting her go without letting her hear my feelings about this. You know....express the anger.
This has been a good positive learning experience. You know you find out more about yourself sometimes through these challenges than when all seems smooth.
I believe for the most part I have let go. Also I learned that I had been over medicated and since dropping a couple of meds I have been less emotionally up and down.
With all the reading and journaling and talk therapy it all leaves me wondering what's wrong with expressing my feelings. I know all advice is to the contrary. Cut it off and realize that I may not ever have an explanation or understanding of all the reasons and my own subtext is still most likely wanting back her and all the possibilities for our future that we talked about....still hoping. It's is so complicated because so much seemed so right and at my age I have come to realize 2 things: A connection like what I felt with her doesn't come around too often and that no one is perfect. ,,,,althougth the direct communication issue is so important to me. As you can probably tell I am quite talkative.
I guess I will write the letter and not send it as I have been doing in the past. Somedays get the better of me and I want to let her know exactly what I feel. Both the love and the anger. The group I am in is helping immensely and I do, perhaps too much so , discuss this too often. This last thing with the photos and art website just seemed to blow me away. Since I was the main one reaching out for sometime and recieving very distant responses.... So confusing.
How do you feel about sending a letter expressing clearly my desires about thephotos and nothing else expressed and if she responds or not leave it go at that? I like sending cards and letters snail mail so it also gives me time to think. Well I guess you have already said stay away from the sites. We already are defriended and all but I need to let some of it, in fact most of it public as I use it primarily for my professional resource feeds in a less formal way.
Well that should give you enough of an idea of my obsessing about her. But with in the last few weeks I have been able to focus much better and have been getting out and getting some interviews for a new position. So not all is bad. The computer is so dangerous in these situations as I do a lot of research on postions and so a check on her isn't far away.
But that has subsided.
It is perfectly fine if you want to communicate your feelings to her, as long as you are prepared for whatever response she has to your letter, even if that is none at all. Writing her needs to be for you, so you can clear your mind and feel that you had a chance for closure. If you are looking for a response from her, you may get it, but it could be something that makes you feel worse.
Also, if you communicate with her, she may feel it is ok to say something back to you. If she does, it may hurt you. Or she may try to get back with you. As long as you have gone over what you would do in each possible scenario, then you should be fine.