So, as I previously stated, I have another issue with this relationship, and this is probably related to any other relationship I've ever had being I'm extremely picky and notice EVERYTHING!
My gf's past wasn't written exactly to my liking, obviously. Other things bother me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to be doing 360's here. I'm going to list my thoughts....
Her previous boyfriend, who she absolutely resents, was/is a pothead. When she would see him on weekends, she would smoke with him. This was last year, so she was 26. They only dated for 4 or 5 months - besides the point - but she did
this with him every weekend from what I understand. I have smoked before in my life, so I understand, but my case lies with the frequency at which she does it. Anything is good in moderation, but every weekend when you have a good job, from a good family, I just don't get.
Previously, years ago, she experimented with cocaine. This is a huge red flag with me because I've never, and never will, experiment with such a drug. I figure, you know how addicting it is, and you know what it does, I think that's enough for me to say "No, I don't need that". To me, were's the correct judgment there? Where is the power to make correct decision?
Another thing, she is a social smoker. She has pretty much cut her smoking down to almost non-existence. But why has she done this? For me, that's why - but not for herself. Smoking is one of my all time pet peeves. I knew she did it when we started dating, so I'm at fault for partially accepting such behavior, but I absolutely hate it. It's a deal breaker and huge fight starter with me. Something I've always been turned off by. Now, we've never argued about this, nor about anything, but she's well aware of my disgust by it.
And lastly, recently we were out for the LSU/Alabama (national championship game) and we live in NOLA, which means it was here. We watched the game in the quarter and from the results of the game, you know who won. We're surrounded by Alabama fans. They are belligerent, drunk and extremely high off of their victory. What does she do? She starts congratulating them, fine right? Well when you start doing that you invite them in and things happen - especially when everyone is drunk. Some random Alabama fan basically got in her face, hugged her, and kissed her on the check while my back was turned. Male ego I know..I brushed it off and told her to keep to ourselves- because if she would have not said anything, nothing would have ever happened. (small things like this I notice)
Finally, that same night, we ended up meeting up with my friends after the game. One friend, Adam, she had never met. He has one to two tattoos, and so does she - another thing i'm not totally crazy about at all (I'm a bit conservative) - and shows them to Adam. One on her hand, which I don't care about (so tiny), and the other on her bikini line (low stomach upper groin area). Now a more conservative person would have just mentioned the tattoo because they do not show that part of their body in public, but her, nope she goes right ahead and shows him. Totally inappropriate in my opinion, and that's a part of her body only I should see. Definitely is something that shouldn't be waved around in public. She doesn't do this often, but it comes in spurts and I damn well notice it.
I'm telling all of this because it all adds
up. One small thing here, one there, and then BAM! I have a ball that's been rolling down a hill collecting tons of moss. I'm questioning her judgement. I'm questioning her sense of what's right and wrong. She's amazing, but is she amazing for me? Does she have the correct filters that I want a woman to possess? I definitely know she hasn't had in the past. I'm constantly asking myself all of these questions. And to tell you the truth, I'm on the verge of ending things with her just so I don't have to think about them anymore.