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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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Hi I was adopted by a family whom had four of their own children,three

Resolved Question:

Hi I was adopted by a family whom had four of their own children,three older and one younger than myself.I was victim of alot of abuse and at 51 have reached the end of my tether. I have basically disowned them all. Fetal rejection syndrome was never addressed.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

Sounds like you had a worse childhood than Harry Potter, to be sure! Do you have a specific question to ask me? I take it you aren't functioning well, have trouble with relationships, ongoing depression, etc.? You've been in therapy and your history has never been discussed or dealt with? Any drug or alcohol problems?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Doctor. You are spot on with what you have observed. I was verbally abused telephonically on th 27th December,by an older brother. It felt as if "the bucket fell over ". The invisible line was crossed ,and I exploded. This is because the last three years of my life has been pure bliss. After three failed marraiges, I married my best friend. We have her grandson living with us , since he was two days old. Three orphans living together ,all with mutual understanding of what life was and what it is now. You just accept abuse as a norm , until you experience true love and understanding. I was a heavy drinker and have been under doctors , who prescibed all sorts of meds....12 drugs all the time for about 15 years. I have weaned myself off of all except Xanor and herbal antidepressants. I think the problem now is I have to fill the void of the past and am a devoted born again christian. I found my biological mother many years ago,but my father , still remains a 'top secret 'issue. I suffered fetal rejection syndrome , with all the nightmares etc, but have overcome that,and am helping our four year old to overcome it too. Thank you for your assistance. Believe you me...It is greatly appreciated. Kindest Regards. Gifford.

Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 2 years ago.
Gifford, you sound like you are finally receiving the right 'medicine', which is a trusting, supportive, loving relationship. Good for you. There is no substitute in the world for the curative powers of such a relationship. AND, you will find that as you contribute to the fathering of this child living with you, it will help you heal. That is, regardless of what happened to you, it is possible to start compensating for your abuse by trying, investing yourself, working hard at being the RIGHT sort of parent or father figure. What I'm suggesting is that adults best get over their own abuse and neglect by this form of service and investment in children that need a father/parent figure in their life. You can live each day knowing you are helping this child escape what could have been a disastrous childhood for it. And you can take true pride in your supportive, 'fathering' role, whatever level of emotional involvement it entails. The other thing this involvement does is affirm that you have survived and turned out better than anyone thought you might, and are a worthy, successful person who can do the parenting or fathering thing the RIGHT way. That is very affirming over time. So there is no magic formula or exorcism for your rejection syndrome. You are doing all the right things now to overcome it on your own. No psychotherapy or medications or other treatment can help more than having the relationship you do with your wife, and LIVING the role of caretaker for this boy. You'll undo your own abuse history by doing it the right way with this child, if you continue to have this opportunity long term. I've always found that people who have suffered much abuse actually know how to treat others very well---it is a strange paradox. I suspect you know quite well. Your investment in Christian fellowship is just another facet of healing through support and service to others, trying to live a Christ-like life. Very therapeutic! Notice that the healing theme here is not to try to undo your history or figure out how to compensate you for what you suffered, or provide you with a grand catharsis. Rather, one overcomes their abuse history by reinvesting in others, loving others, giving service, doing the opposite of abuse to others!! You'll also heal more when you can listen to someone verbally abusing you like your brother did in Dec., and STOP, stand back, analyze what he is saying and figure out what his motivation is for telling you this or trying to get you to believe his mean, abusive message. In other words, shift from feeling and experiencing what he is saying to you, to concentrating hard on what his motivation is, what he wants from his verbal tirade---these episodes are about him, his needs, his pathology, his need to influence and control you if he can, in ways that somehow serve him. This takes practice, rehearsal and diligent effort, but I can promise you that once you get this "shift" in how you listen and understand people like your brother, their words don't hurt you anymore.

Let me know if I have overlooked any aspect of your original question. Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience: Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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