Thanks for your response. I think I already knew a lot of what you said but I was too wrapped up in losing her to think logically. It takes me so long to trust that having to start over feels overwhelming. Plus, I like her and I think we have a good rapport. When I told her that I would stop the cutting she said that was fine and she would continue to treat me and work with me. Plus she made herself available to me for a second one hour session per week with her. You would think this alone would convince me that she is committed to helping me.
It is my choice whether or not to enter the other program. However, it is very intense group sessions. I don`t like the idea of speaking about my issues in front of a bunch of strangers. I don`t think I would benefit that much from it. Although I am quite sure if I did decide to enter into this program, she would start to see me again to work on the areas she specializes in (depression, OCD, anxiety).
I feel so confused about so many things. I don`t think my therapist realizes how sad I really have been for the past couple of weeks. I cry for no apparent reason, I sleep lots, no appetite, can`t concentrate, tired, etc. This is my fault because all I complain about is how I don`t know how to cope with the tough feelings after our session. It is because of this constant complaint that she thinks the program may be good for me. But she did say that her and I could also do the same.
I feel like I am just punching in time. Each morning I wake up, I wish it were night time again. I feel exhausted thinking about facing the day. As for my letter, I think by reading it, it will help her to understand how sad I really am. I often don`t feel able to tell her this. The letter clearly shows how depressed I am. I don`t think I am looking for a particular response from her just an understanding of how I have been feeling.
Thanks again Kate. If I didn`t have you to write to, I`m not sure I would make it in between my sessions. You are a life saver for me while I am getting or trying to get through this rough patch.