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Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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ASK SUZANNE, My husband and I have been getting along good.

Resolved Question:

ASK SUZANNE, My husband and I have been getting along good. he watches the baby so i can get to the gym 3 times a week. He really loves me and is good to me. He's great with the baby too. We still don't have sex. My husband has no desire. What are the chances of our marriage lasting if we don't have sex? I still have desire but he doesn't. We tried counseling, sex therapy techniques etc. thousands and thousands conversations on the subject and we wind up back here. i'm tired of asking him for it. What do you think? Jen
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Hi Jen, great to hear from you again! So glad to hear things are gong better and you're getting some free time to take care of yourself.

Has he ever gotten his testosterone levels checked by a doctor? Hormones play a really big part in feeling desire. Without enough testosterone, it's almost impossible to be interested in sex.

Whether your marriage can survive without sex is a good question. The two of you have just been through a really rough patch, and he may need some time to regain his confidence (which also affects a man's desire). The same way that we women feel more like having sex when we're feeling good about how we look, men get that boost from feeling like they're doing a good job fulfilling their male role. if he's still struggling with only working part-time, this could be part of the issue.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

ASK SUZANNE, I made a firm commitment last weekend to be good to my husband to see what he does do and praise him for it. I've been very very good to him for a week now and we are getting along really good. When I think about him and what he goes through, i feel better and more connected to him. The only problem is, one of my sister-in-laws and one of my brother-in-laws is giving me the cold shoulder. They don't do anything to help us out....but i feel have bad feelings towards me because of some of the problems we've had over the course of the year that they know about. I'm planning Aiden's 1 year old party and honestly i don't want to see them there for stuff they have done to me. Mean emails and screaming at me. I would like my husband to handle the situation but he is reluctant to. What is your advice? Thanks, Jen


Optional Information:
Gender: Female
Age: 36

Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Sorry to hear the in-laws have been continuing to be a problem--but very happy to hear that focusing on the good points that your husband has is helping you to appreciate him more!

This party might be the perfect time to let them see how much better everything has been going. There will be other people around, so they wouldn't act out against you. You can be cordial, but not have to concentrate on them while you interact with all your guests.


To leave them out will just solidify the bad feelings in the family. Better to invite them just as if nothing has happened, and when they come, be nice, but put your attention on your baby and your other guests--this won't be a time for a discussion about their emails and behavior. Just let them observe how much better things are, and there's a good chance they'll eventually come around to being friendly again. Even though you're still a little hurt now, in the long run it'll be better for the family if everyone can be polite and cordial (even if not best friends).

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