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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Other things have come up but

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Other things have come up but I still have not been successful at cutting food intake back enough to lose any weight. I gave up and have started taking celexa only 10 mgs. It has only been a week. I don't feel any different yet. I am thinking that if I can lower my stress level, perhaps I can also lower the need to overeat, if that is what this is all about.
I am twisting and turning still emotionally, trying to come to terms with our financial situation and our trauma within our home. What has been your experience with Celexa and petients using it ? The possible side effects have me concerned a lot.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello,

 

In my experience, people have had good reactions to Celexa. It is a newer SSRI which helps increase the serotonin in the brain, which helps you feel less depressed.

 

Most people who have reactions to other SSRI's seem to like Celexa. It does take the medication a while to start working. It may take up to several weeks to have the full effect in your blood stream. You may also feel worse before you feel better, since the side effects, if you are going to have any, start to show up before the medication starts to work at full effect. But if you can wait it out, the medication will eventually begin to work and the side effects will lessen or diminish.

 

It also helped some people lose weight. Studies have showed that up to 1 percent of patients experienced weight loss with this medication.

 

Give it time to see if it works for you. Everyone reacts differently to medications due to the differences in body chemistry. You will know in a few weeks if this medication will work for you.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
OK, I am impatient. I have already delayed for some months to even start celexa hoping that I would be successful, but being overweight alone without anything else at all is ample reason to be depressed. More than when I think of everything I have done to be normal and I look at other people who are a normal size without ever making any effort at all. I get so angry. I try to talk myself well but that's not working either. Maybe it is and I'd be worse if I didn't try to talk and think positive all the time with myself. I had stuff going on at home and have not yet had time to go in search of a group that I might join that might help. I am hoping to start that this week. Is zoloft not a popular drug now days ? That was very effective and helpful for me back in 2004 & 2005 after some years of crisis for me. I wish I knew what else to ask, what else to do, to help myself, but I don't. I feel angry that I am trapped within myself and can't reach my own ability to control this food compulsion. I have stopped drinking every night and hope to heaven that I can hold that line. I have been watching some old 50's movies and every one has every character smoking a cigarette in one hand and holding a highball with the other. No wonder we all grew up drinking and smoking.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It is terribly frustrating to try to lose weight when you have worked so hard at it and have not been successful. Keep in mind, you are trying. That is what matters. You may not have found the answer right now, but you will. And it will be from trying so hard. You are searching all the time and that means a lot.

 

Try not to compare yourself to others. That may only add to your frustrations and any bad feelings you have about yourself. Yes, there are some people who do not have to worry about weight, but they are very few and far between. Most of us do. And the things others do to stay a "normal" weight are drastic. I know because I hear them all the time. Many have eating disorders, starve themselves, exercise excessively and treat their bodies horribly. That is not the way to go. You never know the story behind someone's life. All you can see is what they choose to show you.

 

Zoloft is a very popular medication. Many people can use it without too many side effects. If you found it helpful before, you may want to ask your doctor about it. But you may also want to give the Celexa a chance to work. Medication reacts differently for everyone. So the Celexa may work sooner for you than someone else and it may help you a lot.

 

Good for you that you quit drinking alcohol. That was a healthy step to take.

 

Talking about your emotions related to weight loss is very healthy. There is nothing wrong with being frustrated and angry. Expressing these feelings can make you feel more real about your struggle and help motivate you to try to lose weight.

 

Have you made a list of the things you have tried? Making a list will help you see what you have tried, for how long and whether or not you felt it helped at all. If you can combine two things you tried that each helped you a little, you may be able to lose more weight that way.

 

I don't recall if we talked about you having your thyroid checked by your doctor. When you can't lose weight no matter what you try, physical issues should be ruled out. You may not even know you have a thyroid problem so if you have not yet had it checked, you may want to try seeing your doctor.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thyroid was not discussed but I took medication for most of my life, Armour then Synthroid. The regular blood tests always come back 'low normal'. However, several medical doctors have told me that what is normal for one person was not normal for another. I felt better and functioned better on thyroid, I had to diet to stay a normal weight no matter what, but using thyroid, I didn't gain a pound a day just walking past a buffet table like now. At age 50 another MD told me that, not on the green side of 25 any more, I should stop taking thyroid, that it increased the risk of stroke and heart attack in older people. She wanted me to go off it for a trial 6 months to see how I would function, and I did. I used to diet well and control food choice and intake with no problem, so I wasn't worried, and, I was tired of taking pills anyway. I gained some weight over that time but not a lot, this doctor moved out of MIami, and I never have taken thyroid since. I lost weight after the gastro-by-pass. If I don't eat, I will lose weight. I don't question that. The truth is that nothing so horrible has happened to me in my life to use as an excuse for any length of time that is. I am going now to look for a group that seems valid in their commitment.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I imagine that before your gastro bypass surgery, the doctors tested you for everything including thyroid. But since then you might have developed a problem so it may be a good idea to test again. It's up to you. I was thinking that it would be a good reason for your weight gain if you are eating well but still gaining weight.

 

Let me know how the search goes for a group. Hopefully, you will be able to find one that works for you.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have been tested for thyroid dysfunction continually since I was 16 years old I think, and have been also periodically since the operation - always the same result - low but normal. I used to take 4 per day, (is it gr or mg ?) I forget now that it has been so long, for many years. I feel that for the most part now, I function fairly normally. I suffer always being cold, even in Miami, have freezing spells with my feet & extremities, always wear sweaters , shawls, pretty typical really, but nothing awful that I can't live with. I know I can never go anywhere without layers of warm clothes.

At night I am wrapped up in a mink blanket ( those wonderful ones from frigid Korea ) with nightgown and footsies while my spouse has a light cover and usually nothing. I know I am one of the cold people. Always have been, my body simply does not generate enough heat for me to be comfortable, dry skin, etc etc but the tests Always Are the Same. Low but normal. The weight now is my trauma. I have venous deficiency in both legs. I need to get the weight down. I feel like I am somehow wrapped up in a cocoon unable to move the right way, unable to do the right thing. I am now going to stay with Celexa and give it a chance. Thank you for being there.

I am struggling and angry because I don't feel that I have valid reason to be. I recognize that being fat is the result of the problem, not the problem itself. I am desperately trying to find the problem that keeps me trapped.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds to me like your metabolism is not high at all. If you are that cold all the time, your body is not burning enough energy, which means your metabolism is low. I am not a doctor, so I cannot say this for sure, but it certainly is reasonable to check it out. I am not familiar with any metabolism disorders, but your doctor may be able to help.

 

I can't recall if we talked about how much you exercise or if you can at all with your health issues. Exercise would raise your metabolism, maybe not as much as it needs to be but more than it is now.

 

It is very understandable that you feel angry about this issue. You are making the effort and putting the energy into making a change and it's not happening. Part of the issue is the lack of explanation as to why this is happening. From the symptoms you describe, your weight issue could be physical and/or emotional. There is no way to know for sure until we explore this more.

 

Emotionally, support and motivation are the two key components to weight loss. People find the support of others helpful so they do not easily cheat and so they have someone to share the struggles with and understand their emotional needs. Motivation, which you certainly have already, helps keep you going when the struggle is difficult.

 

How did your search for a group go? I hope you were able to find a group that works for you. Are you also continuing to write down what you eat, including the emotions you feel when you eat? That will help you keep track of any emotional reasons for your eating and weight issues and give us a better idea of the emotional reasons you eat.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
When I started reading about metabolic disorders, it was clear that I am a text book example for low metabolism, whatever the blood tests show. Even during the years I took thyroid medications, those tendancies continued for me, being cold and having dry skin, being overweight were always the worst for me. Even then I had to diet to stay normal also. I know that I would be more comfortable and function better on thyroid but I give up. LIke I said, The test results do not back me up. Besides, it was not thrilling to know that taking thyroid increased my risk for stroke and heart attack.

Exercise - summers are spent in the Florida Keys at least half of the time camping on the ocean, I swim several times a day and exercise strongly in the water, snorkel for hours, I have positive bouyancy and don't sink, walk back and forth to the bath house, walk my dogs, enjoy life like I always dreamed of all the years I was working. I just spent 7 weeks at Disney World, walking those huge parks almost every day, pushing my wheel chair. I refuse to get a motorized one and use this little regular chair as a walker and to sit when I have walked my legs off. At home we have 5 little dogs in the house. I am always cleaning and mopping floors,

My spouse and I do all our power shopping together, 99 %, so I can use the grocery carts as a walker,and we walk the perimeters of the stores, and shop the clearance shelves. I always park at the far end of any parking lot and walk. No, I do not go to a gym, hate them, sometimes I do chair exercises at home. For 73, I believe I do all right in that area. I don't go nuts like I used to but I exercise. I never watch tv, an hour a year maybe, I do read in bed at night. I do feel abandoned and alone in life but at the same time, there is so much worse that could have been.

I feel that I have never gotten to know what the real pay off is for me that I keep on eating even though I hate myself and those results of it. Weight gains have happened too many times to be tied to any superficial factors of what's going on in my life with an exception or two, here and there. I ate little, had no hunger, was active and thin, felt wonderful, only when I was smoking, and passionately in love. I am not either of those now. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me not to be able to control my weight never the less.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Low metabolism can be a big factor in weight gain. The trick then becomes trying to boost your metabolism in order to offset the food you eat. I still would try talking to your doctor just to rule out any type of disorder you can have that would cause weight gain. Just in case.

 

You do exercise a lot! Even if it is not helping you lose weight, it may be helping you maintain where you are. And it is having a positive effect on your health. The more moving you do the better, as you know.

 

It sounds like the main issue for you is to how to stop overeating. I agree, smoking and being in love are both great for reducing your appetite significantly. But although you can smoke if you choose, being in love is a short term solution that will not last (though it is quite appealing!).

 

You mentioned feeling abandoned and alone in life. This is significant because feeling this way can cause you to want to fill the emptiness inside with food. Food is the ultimate comfort. It tastes good, you can make it to appeal to you, it doesn't argue with you and it makes you feel full inside. You are satisfied and happy. It provides instant gratification. That is hard to resist when you feel sad or lonely.

 

Focusing on what is making you feel alone and abandoned can be the answer to why you want to eat more than you need. Keeping the food journal can help with pinpointing when you feel the most alone and help you get more in touch with your triggers. The other half of that is finding a way to fulfill your needs in a different way besides food.

 

You can also try doing a check before you eat. Ask yourself if you are truly hungry or feeling upset instead. It may be hard the first few times because right now, they may feel the same to you. But if you keep doing it, after a while you will begin to recognize the difference.

 

Keep a list of activities that will be fun enough to occupy you if you want to eat without being hungry. A hobby, craft, a favorite book, TV show (on DVD so you aren't bothered with all those food commercials), calling a friend, etc.

 

Try keeping only healthy foods in your home. Splurge on cut up carrots from the store, premade fruit trays, cubed chicken and low fat foods.

 

Buy skim milk (or 1% if skim doesn't appeal) and keep lots of water and low calorie drinks on hand. The idea is to keep you hydrated so you feel less hunger. When you are thirsty it is easy to think you are hungry.

 

Most of all, keep track of how you are feeling during the day. Keep the journal or diary, talk to someone, join a group, etc. Being more in tune with how you feel and having support are the two best ways to address emotional eating.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Your response is pretty much on target, that I recognize, even though I have tried it, or am trying it now again. The situation is all good about healthy foods, I actually like and prefer them, the downfall is that I am also adding in just enough to sabotage a weight loss. I did try several times talking with my doctor but his answer always is that the thyroid tests show that I am fine, and I just need to cut down on certain foods. Even my husband came with me several times to confirm that I do not hide and eat Twinkies , etc etc, even juice is drunk by me half with water and with ice cubes, etc etc.

All families have drastic things happen sometimes and we are lucky for the most part still, it makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me that both my adopted daughters have abandoned us, also our grand daughter of the same age who lived with us for 4 years while she was in high school. My natural born daughter had an emotional breakdown and never is in contact with me, not for years, she has taught her daughters to hate me and distrust me, also one grandson. We had to put another adopted son out, 3 times we tried to let him live back home but it was impossible for us to put up with him.

I question that they have any real feelings about me, about us. Still, my personal war against obesity began long ago when I was in my teens in high school. That was a major concern all of my entire life no matter what was going on. Now, my health is at stake and my ability to walk better with more stability and still, here I am not losing weight . I know there is something, somewhere that is compelling me to overeat, eat when I'm not even hungry or when the food doesn't even taste that good. I have also recognized that myself. I did keep a journal of what I ate for a while, several times, but there was nothing revealing to me so I stopped doing it. Wasted paper to my thinking, no one is going to look at it anyway. I do remember being surprised at how much it was some days.

As I type this I am going over in my mind what might be wrong, how might things be made right, I just spent over 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing floors after our inside dogs and because my 20 year old son and his girlfriend did not keep their bathroom clean. I feel more sad, than angry, that neither has any work ethic nor cleanliness ethics that would prevent them from doing their best effort without my having to constantly repeat myself, especially to my son. He grew up in a clean, neat , orderly home (we used to have a cleaning lady come at least once a week, often more ) until it became a hoarders paradise a few years ago but maybe ? he was too young to remember ? We put his older brother out because he simply refused to keep his own things clean and neat, much less contribute in a positive way to the rest of the house.

I wasn't obese as a child, the opposite, this only began when I was in 10th grade in school, 16 years old. I have seen photos though of my mom, all her sisters were fat, except for one of them, grandmother, aunts on my dad's side. All of them were heavy people. To continue, my own natural born daughter is obese, one daughter was born obese and is a huge young woman, so also the others were obese, the females, not the males. My son was always thin and normal, so are my grandsons. It all makes me wonder. I am trying to put my mind at peace and search into what is really keeping me from being unable now to do what I have done in the past so many times - lose 80 or 100 pounds.

Question - I try to be sure you receive proper compensation for your time for each answer, but if I now click accept answer first, will you receive this message also ? I have been sending the reply to Expert first then the Accept Answer. Which is right ?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Problems with weight can either be physical or emotional (or both). If you have ruled out physical reasons, the only thing you have left to explore is emotional. If all of your family was overweight, that does point to some of the issue being about genetics. The rest could be emotional.

 

As you described your relationships with your children, I began to wonder about how you handle your pain. Broken family relationships can make you feel sad and lonely. You said that your weight problems began before you had kids, but there could be a pattern to how you deal with the emotional stressors in your life. Do you feel you hold in your feelings? I know you have mentioned anger before. How do you usually express your anger? How often do you feel angry? Is it usually your first response to something that happens or do you feel it later? If it is not your first response, what is?

 

Also, during your childhood, were there any incidents that caused you pain? We did talk about this before, but maybe if we explore it more, we can find out what triggered your feelings around the age of 16 to make you eat more.

 

Diet is important when trying to eat better, but that does not mean you need to deprive yourself. You probably have already tried this, but overeating things like vegetables so you feel full and not deprived is the best way to lose. And having that Twinkle as a dessert is not so bad if you ate the large salad sans dressing. I'm not sure of what you have tried so I threw that out there.

 

Thank you for being so kind about compensation. I always appreciate it. You can always accept the first answer then ask me another question on the same thread. I will get the response you post. You can keep the same thread for a few questions and pay as you go along or start a new one. Either way, your response pops up on my email so I get it.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey, truthfully I"m not a big fan of deserts, rarely eat any, and if I do , and say my spouse orders key lime pie, I take one bite of his and that's enough for me. The same goes for anything, birthday cakes, etc normally one bite is all I want. I'd never trade salad dressing or balsamic vinegar for a Twinkie. If I eat sugar, it causes the dumping syndrome, result of having a gastro- by- pass, but it's no problem for me. I don't eat sugar. Once though not long ago I sat and ate an entire package of cookies, not sugar or sweet ones, thinking all the while, that they didn't taste all that good. That is a rare situation. I don't remember ever doing that before.

At 16 I went with my aunt and uncle and cousin to vacation on Lake Erie for the summer in a lovely cottage. My lovely fat aunt ate sweets all the time, so did my fat cousin, I had never eaten so much and I started to gain weight then. Not a lot, but some. Then it took off from there and I had to seriously diet for the first time in my life that year in school. 10 th grade I have often thought of that and wondered. I remember some kind of sea foam fudge candy she bought. It was a nice summer for me though. I loved that uncle, my dad's brother, and aunt, and tolerated my little fat cousin well enough. We looked enough alike. Family resemblance.

I don't remember any emotional pain during childhood, I remember a lot, wonderful life, wonderful. I know I was very happy. When my natural born daughter ran away at age 15 that was horrible, but I lost almost 20 pounds that month, I was so depressed and scared for her safety. All of the crappy things in life were long after I knew that food was a problem for me and gaining weight. Once a husband disappeared for over a month and I again lost 33 pounds during those 30 days. Depression takes my need to eat away, not the opposite I can see. All of the superficial events in my life never touched nor were touched by eating, diets, or being fat or thin - not to my mind.

I know that now not going to work and not seeing other humans, has something to do with it, it's wonderful to be able to stay home, do as I please, but not exciting like it was when I went to work and traveled. Now I even hate to travel because it is so uncomfortable with this blubber on my body.

I was told that light depression causes over eating but deep depression causes weight loss. I remember during those times that I had to force myself to take a few bites each day. I was working and I knew I didn't want to keel over so I forced myself to eat. I think that drinking was a large part of gaining weight over the past year. I am not drinking now so I'll see about it. I have very much accepted about our daughters leaving, not like they did, but not surprising either considering that it is pretty typical for kids adopted under the circumstances that they were. I was hoping to overcome that in our family for their sakes. I believed that we had then, off they flew, not prepared for anything but a life of mediocrity and struggle.

WE took many courses about trans- racial adoptions and the biological & emotional damage caused to the children who are born of drug & alcohol moms. Some do well, but most do not. Compared to the stats , our children are roaring successes. I am sad but more relieved perhaps, that they are gone and on their own, what ever that is, is up to them now. Its been almost 25 years devoted to child rearing of our adopted kids, so now, free at last, again. Finally. It does cause me to pause and wonder if they don't realize that now is when we really need their help.

In my life, I have been tormented with painful emotions, they actually caused me physical pain, so well I remember, being unable to breathe or even talk because the pain was so intense, when my daughter ran away, when a beloved husband vanished, when my dad died then my mom. I know what emotional pain is but I didn't feel that when our kids took off. Not even close. Nor was I angry. I was sad for them that they had chosen such a difficult path in their lives for themselves.

Sometimes I flare up in anger about things, but normally not, and when the anger cools down it's usually good for a laugh. I actually feel comfortable in my own skin , even stretched as tight as it is. I did so much to try to be normal. The gastro-by-pass was no cake walk, then the 5 plastic surgery operations for excess skin removal, in Costa Rica, then that nasty fall into th cement ditch that did the permanent damage to my foot and put me in a wheel chair for almost 2 years, that started the weight gain back up again. I have wondered if I am cursed. LIfe has been a life long struggle against obesity. But, I am telling you. This doctor will not px thyroid for me, even if I wanted it.

When I was flying, if I ate an airline meal, then the next day I had to go - 1 can of tuna in water, 1 grapefruit, 5 crackers, and 1 apple. Sometimes I'd make a salad No dressing. Or sub a can of sardines for the tuna. Only by doing that could I even maintain weight and not gain, and that was on thyroid. I'll lose if I do that again, but I have not been able to do it. WE always walk the perimeter of the grocery markets and what ever is on sale we buy. I came to love steamed vegetables over the years - love them. On my own, I steam carrots, brocholli, squash, pumpkin, love them just steamed plain. Yet here I am. The bagels, pasta, toast, add too many calories I guess, I love those also.

Something is blocking me from being able to reach and use my own will power to not eat. I wish there was a cat scan or MRI that could be done of our minds, not just our physical bodies. I appreciate your wisdom and sincere efforts to help me , perhaps something will open that locked door to my ability to control my food intake as I wish to do. Every morning I think to myself, that this is a new day to try again.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If the doctor you have now is not listening to you, it may be time to change doctors. A doctor that won't listen is probably missing vital information that only you can tell him/her about your own health. Missed information means missed health issues. And if you are struggling with trying to find out why you can't lose weight, a doctor who won't listen is not helping you. You need someone who will work with you.

 

If it is not past emotional pain or current issues that are creating your need to eat, then there is something else going on. You did mention needing to control your eating, especially with carbohydrates like bagels and pasta. They can make you gain as much as sugar treats can. But trying to control something may make you want it more. You may want to try letting go of the idea of controlling your diet and try approaching it with everything in moderation. Or even give yourself permission to eat anything but make yourself stop when you feel full. Use pre set amounts of food by weighting what you eat or measuring out only certain amounts. Make sure you fill your plate with at least 2/3 of vegetables and/or fruits then whatever you crave on the rest of the plate.

 

Be sure you are getting enough water. Hydration is a key factor in losing weight. If you have given up alcohol, that is a big change. You can substitute the alcohol with water now. Keep a glass or bottle of water on hand at all times. Drink before you eat anything.

 

If you do not feel any of your overeating is emotionally driven, then we are probably looking at behavioral eating. In order to change your behavior, you will have to be self motivated. It is ok to take time to make slow changes in order to make the changes work. A new behavior takes about two months to become accustomed to. That means you will have good days and bad days before you can change your behavior enough so you have mostly good days.

 

You need to look at the triggers around you that cause you to eat. Do you typically have a large Sunday meal with family? This can be a trigger for you to eat more than you normally would. Some people find the weekends a big trigger. They relax more on the weekends, attend parties and exercise less. That can all add up to weight gain.

 

If you have not tried behavioral based weight loss, we can work on ways you can change so you have more control over your weight. Developing a program that works for you can change how you eat and the weight will come off.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Behavioral eating - that is interesting to me, not a familiar phrase.

The gastro-by-pass is life changing. I can no longer drink a glass of water, no room for it, and this is one of the things I miss most about life. In order to get enough liquid, I must take frequent drinks of water all throughout the day. I live with a glass or bottle of water in my hand, never leave the house nor drive without water and / or tea usually and also a travel cup of coffee with me. I am always thirsty and always drinking water mostly, all liquids. There is a lot that you aren't told about having a gastro-by-pass and this is one of the details. Yes, to having enough water even though it is an all day process for me.

Long ago I realized that there are no off limits nor forbidden foods. Only ones I need to eat a little of and those I need to make the basis of my diet, and I have done that. I am emotionally comfortable having a bite of chocolate, and I sometimes do that, and no, I don't then go on and eat the entire bag of it, or the entire candy bar. That works well to stay sane and live a normal life, I don't believe in restrictive diets nor that any food is bad, nor that I am if I take a bite of anything at all. As I mentioned, I never order a desert. If I want a bite of something, I take it from my husband or son's desert.

Fortunately I love fruit and vegetables and salads most of all. I now do not stop though with a bite, say, of pretzels. A friend took me to lunch, or I took him. I drove. I had had nothing all day except coffee and tea and water, but I felt ok, not even all that hungry. I could have ordered anything at all, and I have no guilt about that either, but I Wanted the Greek salad. He insisted on also ordering the chicken with it. So, I ate half of the salad, none of the chicken and that was that. I took the other half of the salad home and made another salad later on in the evening, and put the chicken into the frig. That night I ate a yogurt with frozen fresh blue berries that I added myself to it. I didn't even eat any more of the Greek salad until the next day, today. That's all.

I know I use a lot of non dairy creamer in my coffee and I have even been thinking about those calories.

No doctor is going to px thyroid if the test results show within the normal range. I even went to an endocrinologist once and got the same results. It has been a 50 year long - lifetime of frustration to me, knowing that I have all the symptoms of hypothyroidism and having tests come back normal. The doctors who had worked with me back in the 50's, 60's, and 70's knew me personally, believed me, and realized that something was way wrong. Those kinds of doctors don't exist today. There is no question that the doctor I see today has no real idea of who I am. None. But neither would any other new doctor. Here is another very interesting fact. During the years I was taking ARmour and Synthroid, my blood tests, results came back only slightly higher than when I was not on the medication. The doctors showed me in awe and questioned me that I was really taking the medication. One doctor asked me to stop by his office en route to work each day when I was working at the Miami Airport so that he could give me the medication himself for a month before taking more blood tests.

I gladly did that. The test results did not change, He knew then without any doubt, that I was being absolutely honest about what I was doing. He suggested that somehow my system was not absorbing the medication properly , I was taking the Armour then, and he changed the px to Synthroid, but the results never varied. He told me that medical science had not learned everything that we needed to know and that was that. I had a px in my name then for years, and kept monitoring the blood work every month for a year, then every 3 months for many more years until he retired. I know all this, I lived it, and didn't want to go into it but there it is, I know already. Been There, Done That.

Nor am I sure that it made all that difference anyway, I always had to diet very carefully or gain weight. No matter what. Not being able to repeat this now is my ultimate frustration. What I have to not eat to lose, you wouldn't believe, any more than I would if it wasn't me. That applied on or off thyroid. One husband told me once, '' I can feed you and 3 dogs just from my table scraps''

My own daughter once said to me while we were out at a restaurant , ''Mom, something is wrong with you. You don't eat anything, ever, and don't lose weight. I eat twice what you do and I am losing. Have you gone to see a doctor ? '' I almost laughed, Of course I had but it was the first time my daughter has seen me as a person and not just '''mom'''. She had just had her first baby , had been living at home with me, and spending almost all our time together back in those wonderful days . That was 1980.

She is the one who told me back then that she had been paying attention and that she knew that I wasn't hiding Twinkies or anything in my purse. She told me that I needed to find out what was wrong and to see a doctor. How little did she know all that I had done all my life.

I know all these things, what I do Not know is why now, of all the times in my life that I was able to restrict food enough to lose weight, that now when it is so vital for my health, that I cannot. Why now I cannot stay on a low calorie enough diet to lose weight, this is what I can't imagine.

Of course I have had emotional trauma, that beloved child of mine had an emotional break down and has been mentally ill now for years. I am unable to help her. That is the highlight of my sorrow. The rest of everything is nothing compared with it. Nothing. This does not exclude that I want to get this excess weight off me before I blow back up to 303 pounds again, Again, my struggle with being overweight began long before this chid was even born.

I feel sorry that I have wasted so much of your time with all of this, I dislike going over this old familiar territory at all, knowing what I know, having lived more than anybody can imagine, having tried everything in the world. If I could get thyroid now, I'd take it at least 1 or 2 gr only to be more comfortable and not so cold all the time but I know I can not. I have tried. The doctors I knew are dead or retired long ago. Over & Out
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You are in no way wasting my time with this. I want to be here for you and figure this out so you can have a better life. I am here as long as you need me.

 

We have been talking for a while now and the one thing that does stand out to me no matter what we discuss is the number of contradictions in your life. We talked about emotional pain and you mentioned that you felt you did not have any in your childhood but there was some in your adult life. But you do not feel that impacts your eating habits. Then you mentioned feeling sad and lonely, but then you say you feel fine now. There are issues with your children and on one hand you mention feeling that it is the worst pain you have ever had then you say that they kids are on their own now and that is ok with you.

 

You also mention your husband disappearing for a month but don't discuss any marital issues that may have caused the situation and therefore may effect your overeating/ weight.

 

You also talk about your eating habits. You mention that you eat well, love vegetables and fruits and eat very little. Then you mention a craving for carbs that you cannot control. You are interested in groups that help with overeating, but you say you do not overeat.

 

These are some of the examples of the contradictions. In therapy, when someone gives many contradictions, there is a reason for it. Usually, it means there is trauma that occurred in the person's life that they have dealt with by avoiding through rationalizing or repressing the thoughts, emotions and even memories of the event. They may deal with the pain through avoiding the event that caused the pain in the first place, burying it and working around it. So the presently issue, like overeating, is just a symptom of the real issue that is being repressed.

 

If you have explored any possible physical issue that medical science can be aware of at this point and you have tried diets and other options and still have an issue, then there is something going on emotionally/ behaviorally. And from a psychological point of view, that usually means there is a deeper emotional issue that is driving your need to eat, whether or are aware of how much you are eating or not or even aware of the issue itself.

 

When someone suffers a trauma, it can shock the person so badly that they cope by instantly burying it. They use psychological coping, called defense mechanisms, to deal with the related feelings. The fact that you recall when your overeating began may mean that the trauma occurred somewhere near that time frame in your life. And the number of emotional stresses you have suffered since then with your marriage (or marriages since you mentioned "one husband told me" which would imply more than one husband), your children leaving home at an early age, and the subsequent stress of your daughter's condition all can have a huge effect on you. You seem to block these things out and keep them at a distance. That tells me that you have practice in dealing with emotional trauma of some type. Also, your children leaving home early on may indicate that there were stressors in your home while they were growing up, possible abuse of you or them, that point to past issues as well.

 

As a therapist, I can only go on what you tell me. But from talking you and thinking about all you have written, there is something more here than we have talked about. If you have suffered a trauma, it would be very normal for you to feel extremely frightened about facing it. And memory loss is common as well as behavior that seems to have no rational cause, such as overeating.

 

I am definitely interested in working on this with you. You and I can work on what may be happening and I can give you support no matter what you decide. But you may also want to consider seeing a therapist face to face so you can talk more in depth about what might be behind the overeating and other emotional issues. A therapist can find out if there might be a diagnosis and provide you with a treatment that can get to the root of the problem. I can help you find a therapist if you want. But by seeing someone, they can provide the environment that you need to explore the past and face any trauma you suffered. You will need that kind of support to cope with anything you find out.

 

Let me know what you think,

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
There is way too much to write and make sense of here, the conflicts you mentioned, sure but they are valid and both sides are equally true.

I can only repeat, I have no memory loss, I had a wonderful childhood, I only wish other children were so lucky, and I always felt that if I could only be half what my own parents and family were to me, that my children also would be lucky kids. I should write a book.

That summer on Lake Erie was my first awareness of eating so many sweets but I didn't get fat overnight, the weight gain started that following year but not severely at first. I do remember walking home from school so hungry and anxious to get home to have my crackers & corned beef bite, and apple. My lunches had been very little because I was cutting back even then on food while all of my thin girlfriends sat at our table and ate like oinkers. They were all thin, so very thin. When we went to our favorite soda shop hang out, they ate french fries and had coke while I had diet soda and black coffee. How my system worked betrayed me. I stayed thin because I was in the ''in crowd'' and had a nice boyfriend, but I had to diet and diet and diet. High school was good for me, so was college. I lived those Happy Days and it was even better than the tv sitcom with Ron Howard but much like it, for real. So was getting my airline job and the wonderful life that went with it. I married a nice , handsome boy and we lived happily ever after for a few years. Two children. There were several husbands, all beloved when I married them, but divorces were necessary.

''' Do it Right or Do it to Somebody Else''' was our motto at Pan Am.

I had bouts of weight gain, I saw our company shrink for years, he was tremendous help for me, still I gained and lost 99 pounds countless times it seems but I could always lose the weight once I set to do it. My natural born daughter ran away at age 15 and that was a trauma, then she came back home, had her baby, and we became close once again. Years later after I married my present husband, When I adopted the other children, I fully realized that they were not in the same catagory as my own natural born were , intellectually nor biologically either. WE knew that from the start. I have been married to this spouse for 25 years now, peacefully for the most part. We together adopted all the kids who now are in their early 20's. They are not on drugs, not in jail, not on the street pregnant, not on welfare, and that in the foster care system is considered a roaring success for them. Not in our book, but for the reality of the foster children themselves. I am disappointed myself, I was hoping for something more for them, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief, something more and better.

It comes down to in my own mind, that I simply somehow lost the strength needed to go to and stay on a diet that is below 600 calories, maybe a day of 800 here and there, and nothing more than that will allow me to lose any weight.

That is just it. That has always been it.

Something, whatever, is keeping me from being able to once again discipline my self to that degree. The same when I was working and on an airplane, I ate the meals because they were part of my salary, were cost effective, (laugh ) and I decided that if we had an disaster that I was not going to die hungry. When we came safely in, then for the next couple of days, I went to a 600 calorie diet to not gain weight. Now, no doctor knows me enough to believe that is how I lived, our shrink has long since retired who kept me straight on track, and my doctors who monitored my health and px'ed the thyroid.
Pan Am filed for bankruptcy at 1100 Wednesday, December 3, 1991 here in Miami. My life as I knew it was over at that moment. WE adopted our children anyway , the first 2 on 9/9/92 then the other 3 in '93 but they had been with us since that first baby & her half sib since 89 , ages 1 and 2 at that time.

I had one doctor in NYC when I lived there '59 to '69, who knew me so well and trusted me so well, that I had a standing px for Preluden ,( illegal now days but not back in the 60's). He knew my ultra conservative nature and that I would never abuse nor over- dose. I did neither during those years and it helped me to stay a normal size. That px I learned was an amphetamine. I didn't care. It worked .

Since Pan Am folded and the year actually prior almost, I had begun to gain too much excess weight. It sky rocketed into 300 some pounds from 128 until the gastro-by-pass in 2001. I lost down to 165 after the excess skin removal surgeries then the accident to my foot, the wheel chair and I am back to 225 and terrified about it. I hate myself for gaining this cursed weight. I went through way too much to do this again to myself. Where in screwball H*ll has my power and will gone ?

I used a combo of medicine, therapy, and will power and intellect, taking classes in nutrition along the way, to stay thin and healthy over my life. I'm 73 and I wish I could send you some photos of me even now. I have been successful in spite of the betrayal of my body and how it functions. I do no over eat, according to normal standards. My husband is amazed even after 25 years living with me, that I can eat so little and stay fat. Ah, well. I had a wonderful life, I am grateful for it. We did out best with our adopted children, our very best, XXXXX XXXXX Nature took over and she proved to be a lot stronger influence than we were able to be over them.

I am not unhappy now at all. I hate some aspects of what we are dealing with but I am not unhappy nor bored, that's for sure. '' Where or where has my little dog gone ? OH where oh where can it be ? '' In that rhyme, dog = will power.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I think it is important that we talk a bit about these emotionally difficult times in your life to get a better idea of some of the issues behind them and how they affected you. Though I understand your feelings about your weight issues, there is not enough there to explain why you continue to have problems with your weight. And we have eliminated all possible answers except one: emotional difficulties.

 

Your daughter running away was a huge factor in your life.

What do you feel caused her to leave and how did you get her back?

How was her relationship with you?

How was her relationship with her father?

 

You said you had two children with your first husband and you talk about your daughter.

What happened with your other child?

 

You mentioned many marriages.

What do you feel caused the marriages to fail?

Did any of them involve abuse or drugs and alcohol?

You said the divorces where necessary. How so?

 

You talked about how you feel you failed your adopted children.

There seems to be no problems with them so how do you feel you failed them?

What do you feel was the main issues with their upbringing you were concerned about?

 

If we can take a look at some of these incidents in your life, we may be able to pinpoint what is causing you to overeat and what your triggers are.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Physical cause has not been ruled out, I believe I am hypothyroid but cannot get the necessary medication, and not sure I want to increase risk of stoke anyway, but it is basic to my life struggle that's sure. The battle with weight began long, long before any of the other crap happened. I discount it, the crap, for that reason. I believe that the thyroid kicked in during that summer, as well as puberty, and that it was the beginning of my struggle with being over weight. I was able through out my life to handle it, to get my weight down, even from some bad lapses of weight gain, but that now - I simply have not been able to do that difficult task of severe food dipravation. Why I have not at this point been successful, is the mystery to me. The rest is just stuff that happens during a lifetime.

The rest of it doesn't matter and happened so long ago, that time has smoothed out any rough edges.

I don't feel that I failed our adopted children by the way, where did that come from ? I was not able to make them better than they were born to be, but that's not my short coming. I am genetically innocent of being responsible for their mental and intellectual short-comings. I am sorry for them, I'm not sorry for me. They have a difficult struggle ahead in their lives. Still, I think, that they had a great jump start here with us that may help them.

The crap of the past has already been long sense flushed away, and I don't see anything positive vested in dredging it up after a lifetime of peace from it.

I don't want to waste time, either yours or mine. I have some critical today problems that need my time and attention. The next few days I have some stuff that requires hands on from me. Meetings, appointments, continued cleaning out of the stuff stored in our house. My spouse is off so we do it together when he's home. It's better as a team. I don't mind answering you but it's boring. I have many tales to tell, but they are , yawn, boring.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If you feel your issue with weight is physical, a doctor is best suited to help you. I know you mentioned that the doctor you currently have is not helpful, so changing doctors is the best option there. The risk of taking the thyroid medication is something a doctor can help you decide along the balance of risking a stroke with help maintaining a healthy weight. Maybe they have come up with better medication since you last tried or there are alternative medications.

 

Since I must stay within my field of expertise, the only aspect of your issue I can help you with is any emotional issues you may have related to your weight gain. While there is no therapist worth their salt that would help you find a way to severely deprive yourself of food, the only other option is finding an emotional trigger or issue that prevents you from losing weight. Since you say there is no emotional issues, I'm not sure where we can go at this point. It's not that I don't want to help, I do, very much so. But there also needs to be something to go on for us to resolve together. And right now, you are saying there isn't anything we can work on.

 

If there are no emotional issues to work on, your best bet is to explore the physical side of your weight problem. Along with finding a doctor who can work with you, you may even want to try a dietitian or other professional within the weight loss field. They would have the background and expertise to find answers to your problem from a physical point of view.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes, already tried, dietitians, taken a couple of courses my self, I already know that there is not going to be any breakthrough there in time for me. I continue reading though, and maybe medical science will catch up in time to be of some help. I have been seeing doctors and 'professionals' all my life. I could write their books.

I honestly don't feel that any emotional issues exist that affect my food intake. Of course, there is stuff going on, with everybody unless they are already dead, but I can't blame that for my situation. I have had to do what I described to you all of my life, so it's real, I have lived with it for a long time, probably longer than you have been alive, and much as I hate it, I know what it takes for me to lose weight.

Serious food depravation for a normal person is only a reasonable diet for me. I have stayed extremely healthy being careful, with study, and knowing what I had to eat a bite of to survive ok and keep my health. My teeth suffered though. I had a total dental restoration in Costa Rica, bone grafts, implants, the works, back in 2006 & 7 . My own teeth with soft enamal were gone but a few roots remain so now it's all a Tica Smile. Implants & bridges.

Only the gastro by pass in 2001, water, tea and jello for a month, took weight off me. Even then, I only lost 37 pounds that first month. When I added some weak split pea soup the second month, the loss was under 20 pounds. Then it slowed more and more as I added bites of food , and that, even with a gastro by pass. I have been reading, I always read, and search, but it comes back to the same thing. If I want to lose weight, it will have to be by going back to a similar diet that I had after the gastro by pass and I have just not been able to live like that again. If I am angry, this is what I am angry about. This is interesting though.


Why Can't I Lose Weight?

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/why-cant-i-lose-weight
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes, already tried, dietitians, taken a couple of courses my self, I already know that there is not going to be any breakthrough there in time for me. I continue reading though, and maybe medical science will catch up in time to be of some help. I have been seeing doctors and 'professionals' all my life. I could write their books.

I honestly don't feel that any emotional issues exist that affect my food intake. Of course, there is stuff going on, with everybody unless they are already dead, but I can't blame that for my situation. I have had to do what I described to you all of my life, so it's real, I have lived with it for a long time, probably longer than you have been alive, and much as I hate it, I know what it takes for me to lose weight.

Serious food depravation for a normal person is only a reasonable diet for me. I have stayed extremely healthy being careful, with study, and knowing what I had to eat a bite of to survive ok and keep my health. My teeth suffered though. I had a total dental restoration in Costa Rica, bone grafts, implants, the works, back in 2006 & 7 . My own teeth with soft enamal were gone but a few roots remain so now it's all a Tica Smile. Implants & bridges.

Only the gastro by pass in 2001, water, tea and jello for a month, took weight off me. Even then, I only lost 37 pounds that first month. When I added some weak split pea soup the second month, the loss was under 20 pounds. Then it slowed more and more as I added bites of food , and that, even with a gastro by pass. I have been reading, I always read, and search, but it comes back to the same thing. If I want to lose weight, it will have to be by going back to a similar diet that I had after the gastro by pass and I have just not been able to live like that again. If I am angry, this is what I am angry about. This is interesting though. I wish I could unravel my own knot. Nicely said there by somebody.


Why Can't I Lose Weight?

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/why-cant-i-lose-weight
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

The article in WebMD is interesting and I agree with what it has to say. Their solution is to watch what you eat and exercise as much as you can. It is all you can do if you cannot find any other answers. Studies do show that exercising even if you aren't able to lose weight still helps you stay healthier than if you did not do anything at all.

 

You may want to check with your doctor about your diet. Restricting yourself to water, Jello, and tea is not going to be enough nutrients to help you stay alive. Your body needs more than that to survive. If you continued to eat like that, you would starve to death from lack of nutrients.

 

And emotionally, the strain of trying a diet like that is going to take a toll on you. You would have to find a way to deny your body's cravings, which would take more enormous emotional strength that most people have. Those that do are considered anorexic, which as you know is a dangerous condition. Also, the stress would affect other parts of your life, with your weight being the center focus of your life all the time.

 

There needs to be some sort of balance for you between how much you eat, why you eat and the consequences of that eating. You may have to accept being a little overweight. Making your goals a little less intense could help you a lot. Writing down what you eat remains the best way to figure this out.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
'''Restricting yourself to water, Jello, and tea is not going to be enough nutrients to help you stay alive. Your body needs more than that to survive. If you continued to eat like that, you would starve to death from lack of nutrients.'''

That simply is not so for a couple of weeks, a month, or every other week until excess weight has been lost. I did it for a month while recovering from the gastro-bypass and lost 31 pounds, not my life. I did it for the second month adding some weak split pea soup and lost almost 20 more, not my life or health. If I could do that once again, I'd be able to bend down to cut my toe nails again and fit my closet full of clothes.

I have been trying to lose weight but have not been successful to lose anything, since 2007 now, after the time in the wheel chair and gaining this all back. This is way off base for any experience possible for me to even mention. I can't even go on liquids for a day anymore, I just eat when I am hungry no matter what resolve I make to myself. I keep thinking, its 4 years now since the weight gain, surely in that time I should have been able to stop gaining, and lose some.

I hate being so fat with all my heart and mind, yet for whatever horror I am unable to cut back enough to lose weight. LIfe is always full of stress for me, and from what I see, also for most people. I have commented on enough by now for you to know that I have tried every thing known to the civilized world to help me many times over.

Today was a horrible day for me, still, I didn't over eat on that account, I am up now since 4 a m on account of the distress and I am not eating, I am drinking coffee and want nothing more. I know that I have a thin skin as people say, things pierce me, penetrate me, that others do but that is a reason not to eat, rather than the opposite for me. It would be horrible to stay in a state of distress , as I have done but not on purpose that is for certain, and lost weight, but that is not my choice at all to do.

In the past, when I was staying on restrictive diets, or on liquids every so often, I remember well that I was on a great emotional high, happy, full of energy, confidence, loving life and myself. When I am fat like now, I hate myself. I try to hide from the world as much as possible, I don't leave my room some days at all, and that is pretty disgusted . I have been forcing myself to go outside more in recent weeks, months, when I am home. I do see a relationship to being away and when I am home now that I mention it. When we are camping, I love it for the most part. At the resort condos also, I go about, swim, go to the Disney parks, stay all day, and I love to talk with people. At home, I hide inside my room, but again, this did was not the situation back years ago when the other weight gains were also a curse to my life.

Nothing that goes on changes that this has been my burden since I was 15, dieting and gaining weight. It is the focus of my life now and for the most part, always has been. I wish I could find that balance that has eluded me since forever. I know exactly what to do, how to do it, and the best way it gets done. I just can not follow through and make that a reality. You keep suggesting this or that 'specialist' to see. Kate, I have seen them all, many times over, been there and done that many times over. I have studied and taken classes and learned more than any one person needs to know in this life, still, how to summon the what-ever-it-takes to lose weight once again has been impossible since the summer of 2005 when I lost the last 22 pounds.

My frustration with myself is beyond imagination. My frustration with life and my condition is beyond even that. I do appreciate your trying to help me but I see once again that there is nothing to try that I have not already tried or that is nor realistic for me or not possible. If I could go to a very expensive spa for a full program and live in for 6 or 12 weeks, that most likely would be effective but I can't afford such a place now. My husband does all the cooking, and brings me wonderfully prepared, healthy meals, has cut down the amount as I have asked him to do, still that is more than I can eat and lose weight. I don't eat everything on the plate most of the time, I share it with our 5 little dogs who live inside with us or dump it out.

I have come to wonder if there is enough will power in all the world now for me to lose weight, and I hate being fat like I am. Besides the venous insufficiency and my own self image being so rotten. Sometimes I lay quietly when I go to bed and try to think about this, what and why, I am so desperate to lose weight, hate being fat so much, still get up each day and continue to eat those few bites extra that prevent me from changing this.

I see others with horrible situations and I don't have anything even close to them so - - - ?
It has been good for me to go over this now with you, It motivated me to sit down with my spouse and talk about it, remind him not to serve foods with salt, (he never does ) or to bring anything but a small portion for me, and so on. Also to get him to see my very real agony in all of this. He is slim, always has been slim, and eats well, often, and a lot.

I wish I thought for a moment that my weight has anything to do with the stress of what ever is going on, but I don't. I can see over nearly 60 years that weight gain has always caused difficulty for me. One thing that I have realized also. I can chart the happy time of my life and during those, I was thin, able to stay normal weight, but always eating next to nothing. I can also chart the worst, most emotionally painful times of my life when eating was out of the question and I lost a pound a day, had to force my self to take bites of food knowing that I had to in order to keep going.

So, the best and worst times were when I got and stayed thin, lost weight, and felt healthy physically. Is there a conclusion here that I have to be euphorically happy or dangerously depressed to limit food intake ? I guess that is the epitome of being an emotional eater. You have caused me to look back over almost 60 years from this long distance view point, and I see that.

So, now that I am neither ecstatically happy nor in the pit of despair , I am unable to lose weight ?

I have some truly horrible things that I am trying to mentally and emotionally deal with now, but not anything new to my life either, so I can't blame that as the reason for my not losing weight, for not being able to diet, even a little. I'd be happy to lose a pound a week but have not even been able to pull that one off. My mind goes back to the months right after the gastro-bypass and the wonderful weight loss, and that if I could just do that once again, the tough part would be over for me, I'd be able to touch my toes again with out falling over on my head and I'd walk better and I'd like myself again.

I wish I had my psychiatrist back in business and insurance to pay for his care, I would run, skip and jump back into his office but - I do not have this available for me. Over my life , I have met more crazies and inept people who somehow have gotten into this trade so that now, h*ll, I don't trust any of them to know more, be better or even as good as I am, or to be skilled at their craft. Add that we were a Shelter Home for Children here in Miami for many years , always attending meetings, taking kids to psychiatrists, therapists, evaluations, blah blah blah then in and out of courts with them, and the result ? Well, let me tell you. I have no respect nor confidence in any of them anymore at all. It was poor to being with, but after working with so many over the years, it simply has ceased to exist.

Contact with other human beings, like my contact with you, is necessary I believe for everybody, the human being is a social animal after all, and we need interaction with others. My family has all died, I am alone in the world, my own children have their own fish to fry and wouldn't have the least idea of how to help me even if they tried, my life long friends have vanished phuff up in the air, and I am really alone. I sort of like it.

I am in contact with one childhood friend from when we were in 3 rd grade together but she is in Pa and I am in Miami. Another friend from high school lives in Florida but not Miami. We are in touch via the computer almost daily, but we are not that close anymore. There are a dozen other people who were in my high school class who send emails etc but have no idea on a personal basis anything about my life. My own husband tries, but I believe that he also has no earthly idea of the internal struggle I seem condemned to have going on inside me, no matter what. Yes, I do feel abandoned.

But, Again. This weight curse has existed all my life, not just now.

Talking with my husband about what has been discussed here, he did say, that there is no doubt in his mind that I am not normal - my being cold all the time, my dry hair and skin, my eating so little and still gaining weight, what I eat by choice also - he said to me,
'''No way are you a normal person.''' just like another husband telling me that he could feed his dogs and me both with only his table scraps.

I have gone so many times to so many doctors and it is always the same, so don't suggest, please, that I change doctors. They are all the same, do the same tests, and come up with the same results. I have survived without taking thyroid for about 22 years now, but also when I look back over that time, it has been the most consistently obese time for me. This is an eye-opener now that I think of it. The obesity led to my becoming 300 plus pounds, resorting to the gastro-bypass, 5 follow up plastic surgery operations for excess skin removal, and now, my weight has been climbing back up. Since I stopped taking thyroid my weight has been on a steady gain, worse when I stopped smoking totally back in '84 & again in '86 for good that final time. I just did the math on that. It fits.

At that time I had the ability to seriously restrict food to myself and knew enough to know what I had to have a bite of while doing that, also taking vitamins. I have been careful to study every thing there is to know about nutrition to keep myself healthy throughout all these years. Remember you are talking here to a woman of 73, with nearly 40 years with Pan Am, and the remarkable collection of experience and intelligence both of my company and of the people who worked with me over the years. I either did it myself, saw it, or heard of it from somebody else, nothing has been left out.

We all were or were married to, or had children who were - therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, you name it, we were a regular Just Answer within our own company, Pan Am. Most of us were always taking college courses on everything in the world, never left home without books, were the best read people in the world except maybe the subway riders in New York City. Yes, I lived there too from 1958 until 1969.

I honest to god believe now that there is no help for me, not anywhere, and that I have to keep trying to find the missing link that prevents me now from limiting my food enough to reverse this cursed weight gain. With all due respect, you have helped me to see that, clearly, and from the long distance of my age and experience. I do thank you for this. You have been kind and sincere. Gina
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi Gina,

 

I simply meant that you could not keep a diet up of only tea, Jello and water for very long. It may be ok for a month or two (not great health wise but it's an option) but not for the long haul. I don't think any doctor in their right mind would agree that a diet like that would keep you alive for very long.

 

I can hear your frustration with your weight. It's all through your life and a focus of your thoughts everyday. It bothers you to the point that it has become your life. And I understand that. Whenever there is an unsolvable problem like this, it is normal to feel preoccupied with it until you can resolve it.

 

You mention that you have tried all diets, doctors and other weight loss options. Writing down what you eat doesn't work and relying on programs doesn't work. You feel you eat well and your husband is supportive of what you are doing. You feel there are programs that did help, but the people involved are no longer around so you cannot get help there.

 

I am sorry there are no options for you. Being an emotional eater is very hard because emotions are with us all day every day. And you certainly cannot live in constant highs and lows every day to the extreme that it would take to help you lose weight. Being in that condition day and night would wear on you emotionally until you broke.

 

If there are no other doctors, programs or options for you that you feel would help, the best I can offer is to keep trying. I know that sounds discouraging. But talking about this seems to help you, at least with your frustration, and since giving up only means that you will not find the answer you are looking for, I encourage you to keep going. Talk to whomever you can find who you feel will listen and who might be able to help. And if you ever hear of a new doctor or program you feel might offer you hope, try it. Keep walking, exercising and trying to restrict your eating as much as you can, balancing your health with diet. Not giving up will at least provide you with hope, which can be vital to your emotional health.

 

This is not easy, but I think you are doing what you can to help yourself. Hang in there, you will find an answer someday.

 

Kate

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