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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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I love my gf, would do anything for her, she is my friend,

Customer Question

I love my gf, would do anything for her, she is my friend, my lover, she supports me unconditionally, treats me like a king. We've been together 3 1/2 years, lived together for 1 1/2 of those years until she recently moved out....i think about her all the time, everything in me tells me that i want to marry this girl except for one thing that i cannot put a finger on...its in my gut and is tearing me apart....we have great chemistry, are great friends, treat each other right, hardly disagree but i can't get over the hump...i'm 34 years old but i have no clue; i could easily get someone else if i wanted and she could too, she is also very much in love with me.....what can i do? :(
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.

Brad :

Thank you for your question. Before providing a response, I have a few questions for you. First, what does marriage mean to you? Have you been in love with other girls in the past? How is your relationship with your parents? After your response, I may have further suggestions for you.

Customer:

thank you......marriage is a commitment; life long, only once....love, fun, understanding, caring, happiness, chemistry. I have been in love but when i was 18-23 with a girl that broke my heart, my highschool sweetheart....my father is deceased but was my hero, i loved him, he loved me and my sisters and mother, my mom is awesome, i love her very much, she loves us (me and my sisters) they did seperate when i was 18 and dad passed a few years later, it took a while to understand but somehow him passing brought our family closer together

Brad :

I apologize for the technical difficulties I am going through on my end. I will switch to the Q&A format so that we can continue our discussion.

Brad The Therapist and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your response. Based on our experience alone, your gut may be reacting the way it is because you are afraid of intimacy and commitment. There seems to be some unresolved issues around your mother's separation, his death, and the way your family is closer. These feelings may be interfering your feelings towards your girlfriend. You obviously are in love with your girlfriend, but the thought and feelings of wanting to be with her husband is conjuring up unresolved feelings around your family.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok, I might buy that, what are some steps that I might take to figure that out and then to deal with it?
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Yes, my first reaction is to have an open and frank discussion with your mother about your father. Do you know why they separated? Have you asked her how she felt about your father's death? Why would you say his passing brought the family closer? did the separation of your parents tore the family apart or were you not close until the death?

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