Thanks for your quick response. I will try to do some of the things you suggested. I just have very little, if any, motivation to do any of them.
Absolutely her having to leave was not only disappointing for me but it made me feel desperate. I really like to seem strong. But when it comes to my sessions with her, I just look forward to them because I feel even if I don't feel better, I might learn something about myself and be better able to cope.
I know I have gotten through tough situations before but it seems a bit more intense for me this go around. I seem to be afraid sometimes of myself and the self-harming. I feel like I am not in complete control of myself especially right now. I feel like I am sinking deeper into despair.
The other night when I was having some tough thoughts, I decided to journal as this often works. However it sort of turned out to be a suicide letter saying good-bye to everyone, thanking specific people, etc. It scared me when I re-read it today. It made me feel very sad
that I felt that way when I wrote it.
This is the part of me that is scary. I am impulsive. I often do things without thinking them through and the consequences that may come with it. Knowing this about myself does not seem to help me because when I am in that one moment, nothing else seems to matter or enter my mind.
She said to me before we left that she knows I would not kill myself because of my daughter and that self-