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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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helloI am at my wits end with this to be perfectly honest,

Resolved Question:

hello I am at my wits end with this to be perfectly honest, i was with my wife for over 4 years before we got married, which looking back i probably shouldnt have done, ut im married now anyway so thats that, but the main problem is i dont feel i love my wife anymore and she has got undying love for me, i have told her i dont see a future for us but she just wants to try anyway. the other thing that happened which sort of made me realise all this and to finally say something was i met a girl and instantly had a connection with her more so than anyone before in my life, and also i got speaking to her regularly which just made my life even more complicated, but i am very confused about having feelings like that for another woman while being married, its the first time it has happened since i basically dont know what to do next. any help would be very much appreciated
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
Your wife sounds quite needy and dependent. If my spouse told me she didn't love me anymore and that she wasn't happy, though it would break my heart I would tell her to leave. I would tell her to leave because I would want her to be happy and I would tell her to leave because I wouldn't want to disrespect myself by having someone in my life who didn't want to be. Where is her love for you and for her self? Maybe this is the main thing you find un-appealing about her.

Part of your maturation process is to understand and do something about the answer to the following question, What motivated you to be with and commit to someone who is like this? (meaning your current wife)

Stop talking to, seeing or having contact with the other gal. Tell your wife you are getting a divorce, as soon as practical move to another place. Don't resume your contact with the other gal until you are divorced. If she is not around then, trust it wasn't meant to be. Starting a new relationship with out time to process and understand the current one, is a great disservice to your self and the new person.

Sounds like you made a mistake. Be courageous, admit it, and do all you can to correct it.

Do you have children? If so how old are they?

Sorry to hear you are in this very painful place.

Sincerely;
Mark Manley
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