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The best book I have found for learning how to save your marriage is
How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. It explains the differences in how men and women react to problems, and what to do about it. Highly recommended.
I also really like the Dave Ramsey approach to money management. But instead of trying to get him to cooperate with a budget sheet that you've done, it's important to make him part of the process, so he doesn't feel like this is being shoved down his throat.
The very best way to get him enthused would be to get to one of Dave Ramsey's live appearances...and let Dave convince him. He travels around the country pretty frequently. If that doesn't work, have his radio program playing around the house....don't try to force him to listen. If he gets interested on his own, he'll be much more likely to want to do the program. Both people have to feel like equal partners in this process.
And it might be time to try some counseling again. If you end up a single mother with children, your financial situation may end up much more difficult. It's worth doing everything you can to save the marriage, keep the children's father in the home, and working on more of an equal partnership. If it doesn't work, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you tried everything possible to make the marriage work, and you'll be able to go forward with a clear conscience.
I'm glad to hear the crisis has passed.
It might be a good idea for him to try individual counseling first, to heal some of the wounds of the past. You can search for a therapist in your area with this directory:
Then, when he feels better about himself, it will be time to try couples counseling. I like the Imago method, as it teaches a lot about communication between the couple. They offer both weekend workshop intensives and also have private therapists trained in the technique. If you could afford a workshop first, it would be a great way to jump-start things again on the right path. Then, if there are issues between you that still seem to get you stuck, you could go to individual therapy with someone who uses the method.
About the cheerleading thing....read the first book I recommended. He doesn't have to fit some 'sport-guy' mold for it to work. The authors are psychologists, and their research has proven that men respond better to specific praise for something they have done than they do to vague praise or to criticism. This is fully explained in the book. Read it first, and you'll see why things have gone wrong in the past and how to fix them.
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