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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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Right exactly, I know this and had really been working at it...so

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Right exactly, I know this and had really been working at it...so easy with friends..the ones that know me...I worked 11.5 years with Thoroughbred Retirement and Rescue...Dean always said it was the easiest money we ever made...we really just trated dollars...and got beat out of $35,000. in the end...3 horses died of starvation and neglect in less than 6 months of leaving my care...anyway, I did and gave volunteered for the benefit of the horses...it took all my time and when Dean left in 2008 those horses and my broodmares were all I had..I loved them and they loved me.....when the last of the retired and rescued racehorses left, had a lot of time, the local animal control started using me as an expert..called me in on cases of equine neglect, etc. Unfortunately the laws here are messed up and watched those guys, that were not horsemen learn from me and givee their heart and soul to try to help the animals (horses), they couldn't do much in the end...always help them when they call, but do not go out to look at with them anymore. Just can't handle it hurts my already broken heart too much..
I have a few very close friends...do not have interest in meeting new people..going anywhere really, and was such an out going person before...feel like it is one of the reasons he left me again...my mind knows it is not my fault, but so much blamed on me...so many demands, and so much deciet by him..my best friend of 30 years sat here in my home lied to me...decieved me ..stole from me...she refused to talk to me tell me why when I found out what she was doing behind my back....I know from Dr. he was Manic....Dr. said it might take as long as six months for him to crash...she was right...but still treats me as though I am/ was the entire problem...this has all changed...damaged me...feel so stuck in this pattern of tears and hurt...being ignored, treated like I am/was nothing...sometimes think it would have been easier (sadly/regretfully) if the stroke had killed him...
Did I tell you he bought a gun last December to commit suicide? I found out about it in May or June...he told me bought it to kill himself b/c of me...Reading this book by J. XXXXX XXXXX..Compelled to Control...so much of what book is about fits him...a pattern of making me the bad person...he tried to convince so many people I was crazy...and right now I do feel a little crazy...why do I need him to face me? Is it my age...that I trusted and was soo betrayed by someone that meant so much to me??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Brad : I am glad to you read your passion to take care horses. Not everyone can do what you do and I encourage you to pursue this line of volunteering or work, if possible. What you went through with Dean is tragic and completely unfair to you for placing so much blame on you. Have you discussed this with your current therapist? Another suggestion I have for you is to stop the negative thoughts you are having. This is easier said than done, but I have two suggestions on how to do this. On way is to change the thought from a negative to a positive. For example, Dean blamed you for his suicidal tendencies. This made you think that you are a horrible person. However, you know this is not true since you save horse and have an expertise in this field. Another way to change the thought is to change the feelings or behaviors related to the thought. For example, using the same statement by Dean, I urge you to do the opposite of what you mAy do, like staying in bed or isolating yourself. Force yourself to get out and take a walk. Since thought, feeling, and behaviors are interrelated, change one of those components, the others will change as well.
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Brad The Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My sole source of income is horses. In Kentucky Thoroughbred Industry....it is all I know and all I can do...work at to make enough money to keep my home. Dean and I at the height of my business had $100,000. cash on hand in the bank..a home that appraised for $850,000. Kids in college with no debit. We did not go out much. We both were content to be at home together....although when stressed I would stay out at farm or find excuses not to be home....I am a procrastinator...in many ways....We did nice take out. When we did go out it was usually to an event..fundraiser, horses sale parties and barbeques...could not bring my self to go this past September....was too hard to answer questions about Dean. People always said we belonged together..complimented each other....know I will never have a connection angain like that....it was as natural as peanut butter and jelly!!
We went on the best ski trips with the entire family...even letting oldest take friends....
The business was my pre-existing business...but we made a great team. Really excelled for a while..then as I reflect he stopped working...got very controling...tried to make people think it was me I was crazy....anytime would try to confront he ran...went to my parents and tried to check me into mental health facility...Facility would not take me but durning the height of breeding season (my busiest most profitable time of year) signed me up for a month of out patient therapy....ruined the season and in the end did not change much...b/c he was not responsible....see it all much too clearly now...and it hurts soo much...my parents sided with him...did not listen or talk to me...how I ended up divorced w/o attorney....he basically got our home and control...11 days after court ordered to sign over house he came home very ill with low testosterone. Very low...was properly diagnoised...was the old Dean, the good kind loving person I married...We were happy again, respectful of each other...no slamming doors very few unkind words...so easy for me as loved him soo much...people, our friend were sooo happy...said I had sparkle back in my eyes...and of course I paid the majority of our bills...then he stopped using medication properly....high blood pressure, irrational thoughts, depression..explination for buying gun........was on him to use meds but did not monitor...
I do have direction i am going,,,but have to go feed horses right now.. :)
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.
Great to see that you now have a direction you want to go! I hope reflecting back on your life with Dean has been helpful with the grief on the end of the relationship, but also a beginning with a new chapter in your life!
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Brad The Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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