Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I appreciate you sharing the story of your attack. We did talk about it earlier, a few weeks ago when it originally happened, which you may not recall because of the intense emotion you were experiencing around the attack. It helped to hear about it again, though, because sometimes telling it again at a later time adds details or helps because you have had time to process it.
I was not aware of all the medical incidents, though. That was a lot to go through, especially right after the attack.
I am glad to know that your therapist supported you and that she encouraged you to contact the police. I think that was a good move on your part and having her there had to have helped a lot.
When you go through multiple traumatic incidents like you have, especially in such a short period of time, it is very easy and sometimes feels almost automatic to turn the feelings onto yourself and have a pity party. Pity parties sound bad, but they are a necessary part of getting through traumatic events. It is a rare person that can face a huge trauma then brush themselves off and get on with life. Pity parties help you console yourself and comfort yourself after such a horrible event. And as long as you don't get stuck with feeling sorry for yourself and eventually move on, a pity party can be very healthy.
Being jealous of your therapist going on with her life while you suffer is a way to express your insecurities about what you went through. You feel it is not fair that others go on while you suffer. Jealousy is often caused by feeling you are less worthy than others. But jealousy is also based on assumptions, and therapists are often subjects of assumption just because it is the nature of their job to leave themselves out of therapy and focus on the person they are working with. This leaves room to assume all kinds of things about their lives and to transfer your feelings onto them.
It would help you to express these feelings to your therapist. It is actually very healthy that you felt jealous of her because your relationship allowed you to express a deep feeling and attitude you hold about your life onto her. Talking about it with her will help you discover the reasons behind why you feel jealous and what can be done to help you deal with the feeling in the future.