Thanks for your earlier response. I appreciate it but putting some or for that matter any of your suggestions into place right seems impossible.
I going to share something with you that only my "other" therapist knows. About two weeks ago I was picking up my daughter from a friends place. It was only 5:30 p.m. but already dark outside. I couldn't see the house numbers but it was in a good area of the city and it turned out I parked only 4 houses away.
As soon as I got out of my car, someone pushed me face first into the side of it and heldl me there. They wispered in my ear the following "don't cause any trouble unless you would like a second child." I was terrified and I was pushed the exact same way into my car when one of the sexual assaults happened about two years ago.
not see the person's face or recognize the voice. But it had to be someone who knew me and knew about the assaults due to the content of the message given to me.
I knew I should have parked right outside the house where my daughter was but I could not see well.
Then in the course of two weeks I experienced a very bad infection in my molar which resulted in it needed extracation, was rushed to emergency due to severe abdominal pain (due to a problem in my pancrease), rushed back two days later because I was covered from head to toe in hives and then developed a second infection in my tooth after it was pulled.
I think this all became too much for me. I don't or at least try not to feel sorry for myself but this time, I gave in to a pity party for myself.
On Friday at my session, my doctor insisted we call the police and she stayed an extra 5 1/2 hours with me for support while I spoke with them. I was terrifed and they have referred me to Special Victims Unit. I will have to call them.
The problem is I am jealous that she could go home to her family and enjoy them and I was left with a big mess and so many many emotions. I can't stop crying. I can't stop wishing for death. I can't stop feeling sorry for myself but worst of all I feel so filled with anger and impatience with everyone around my.
Sorry this is so long. I haven't even journaled this yet.
p.s. Happy New Year.