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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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If my daughter feels that she could be in a social situation

Resolved Question:

If my daughter feels that she could be in a social situation if she and her husband split up, and he was there with a date, would you say her marriage is basically over?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 4 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

Her husband is certainly acting "as if" the marriage is over. He is of course, acting as if he is not married and is literally 'dating', much as a single guy would. His showing up in public with a date is his unconscious way of communicating to his wife and everyone that he privately doesn't consider himself to be married any more and wants everyone to see and hear this message. He has shifted from the personal and private position of feeling he doesn't want to be married any longer to acting out the 'new' role of single man.

Does this interpretation make sense to you, knowing both your daughter and her husband?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I meant that IF they were divorced, she could handle being in a social situation with him and another woman (for example, with mutual friends) without feeling too strange. They have no
kids--I think that she is not in love with him if that would not bother her.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 4 years ago.
If she would be able to emotionally handle a party situation like this this following a divorce, it would speak volumes about her having a high level of maturity and social sophistication. One a person realizes that a divorce is final, they really do need to be able to emotionally "move on" and live their life psychologically separate from their former spouse. So, if she is able to be at a party and he shows up with a date, and she can still enjoy herself at the party, then this would be a major emotional accomplishment. It would demonstrate that she has completely reconciled herself to the divorce and could probably allow herself to become emotionally involved with a new boyfriend, without fear that she has emotional attachment (still) to her ex husband. . Now, I want to check back with you to make sure I have fully understood your question.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes, you have, Dr. Michael. I appreciate your thoughtful answer and I can see thar she is farther down the road emotionally than I thought she was. Thanks again.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 4 years ago.
Let me know if I can be of further help. Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. THANKS. XXXXX to you!
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