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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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I have a seperation agreement agreement with my ex. We divided

Customer Question

I have a seperation agreement agreement with my ex. We divided up the holidays and she was originally supposed to be home today at 4pm to go for a family dinner that my family does every year. He emailed me a some time ago and asked to have her until tomorrow because there was a big family reunion in cochrane with his family that he wanted to take her to. I said fine. I called today to talk to her and wish her a happy new year. When he answered he said she wasnt home. When I asked where she was he said she was at the mall with his parents. I told him to call me when she got home. It was only after I hung up that I realized the malls were closed today. I called his parents phone to talk to her and it turns out they are in cochrane for the big family reunion and that my ex had chosen not to go. She is spending the night. When I called my ex back I was angry and told him that I don't appreciate being lied to. He said he didn't lie that he was asleep when they left and that he assumed they were at the mall. I told him that he had specifically asked for this day because he wanted her for the reunion and that I didn't take her to a family tradition so he could have her and he didn't even go and lied to me about where she was. This is not the first time he has broken the agreement, but now he is deliberately lying to me and not spending time that he asked for with her. He is supposed to pick her up on wednesday for the night. It is a a birthday bash for three family memebers whose days are all close together. Do I still need to give her to him after this. I am tired of him breaking the agreement only to find out that he is not with her but that he lies about where she is.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 2 years ago.

Hello there and thanks for asking JA. It looks like your ex husband was manipulative. I think you still have to live with the agreement until you go to court. I think it is wise for you to not break the agreement. It will look better when you get the permanant order. Please write all this down and keep track of things like that. When he is with your daughter he has to be with her. Tell him that you expect him to tell you the truth about your daughter and where she is after all you need to know in case of an emergency. I am sorry that he used your good nature and lied to you. I think the lesson here is to keep to the agreement and not to diviate from it. Tell him that you expect him to live up to the agreement that you have about hollidays. I think what you are experiencing is very common. Tell him that you will not allow him to break the agreement about when he will have your daughter after all your family needs to see her in hollidays also.

I have a feeling you are not surprised at your husband's behavior. I am also curious to see what your daughter thinks about this. I wonder how old is she?

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Penny Rayas, MFT
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I have 20 years experience in the mental health field