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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I was just involved in physical abuse. Hit in the eye hard

Customer Question

I was just involved in physical abuse. Hit in the eye hard twice. I asked him to leave the house and move away. He did. I am trying hard to not contact him (only eight days ago). I still have bruises, but I want him HERE. I know this is sick, and not good for me OR he was in jail but I bailed him out and he is mixed on this too, treating me well, then treating me terribly...verbally...almost goading on another fight. Do you have any suggestions other than-just say NO. I suppose not. He was bipolar and off his meds for a month. He was an army Ranger. He was the love of my life. I am 54 years old, attractive (most young people say I look 38ish) and had an abusive father who I loved and pitied. I serve others in a community position. I feel so helpless, foolish, torn and alone.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

I am sorry for your position but you know this isn't healthy. The problem is that your heart doesn't. Chances are he won't change but if you must hold on to the hope that he will you can make requirements in order to consider a reunion. He should attend counseling and anger management as much as possible. He should visit a women's shelter to see how women who have been beaten live and fear their spouse. He should absolutely show that he has changed. In reality your better hope is to start a new life on your own. You can visit a women's shelter and listen to the stories of others who have been beaten. You can contact agencies regarding domestic violence and educate yourself. Then you aren't going back blind. You will heal over time and find someone else. And they may be wonderful but you have to let that happen. Right now you need counseling. No one should want to be in a violent relationship and you do. You have to know that is sick. I would start counseling and then work on what makes you want him so badly. You may have a need to fix him. In the end you have to work on you. That will take the focus off of him returning and put it on you to want better for yourself. The choice is yours


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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I like your comment about, "I may have a need to fix him", I think that's what he resented and didn't express. At any rate, it is terribly sad and I only wish two people with obviously unresolved old issues would have known that such a perfectly wonderful relationship could dissolve into such violence that I do think stemmed from the "deep, dark, past" on both our parts. Grow up already, right? I am sad and ashamed and feeling quite a loss. So is he I believe, but it is over and I am going to strike out on my own (for the first time in my life-after two marriages and one significant other)...hopefully, not to repeat any of my mistakes. I will seek counseling. Thank you

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