Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how difficult this situation must be for you. First, let me offer to you my condolences on the losses of your loved ones. This is truly a tragic time for you, a time of grief. It sounds as though your friend was trying to fill some of the emotional gaps, to be a help. And she wound up not helping nor filling any of the gaps.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You are focusing on her being hurt that you acted badly. That is of course part of what is going on and is a big part of her refusal to communicate.
But there's another part that happens so often to friends who want to be a help in these situations: they want to help so much that they lose their judgment of what is appropriate and not appropriate. So as much as you allowed things to become a bit intimate, so did she. This is more common than you think. And it's as unintended on her part as yours. But so often it leads to embarrassment on the friend's part. A sense of shame as well as failing. Failing in that she led you to behave badly.
Therefore, when you email her or text, I recommend you tell her that you want her to know how much you value your friendship and that you think highly of her and respect her.
You don't know if this is going to overcome her hurt and embarrassment. But it is important for you to address it head on and affirm to her that you think highly of her. You might even say outright that you are concerned that she may be embarrassed about what happened and that you hope not because you know it was such an emotionally difficult time all around.
And then it's up to her. You can only make the effort and then you have to wait to see if she can recover from the episode. And reassure her that friendships become stronger when they overcome difficult situations. They're not like china vases that are marred when glued back together. Rather they have more that makes the people care for each other when this happens.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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