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I have told my husband about one of his family members violating me at a family gathering about 7 years ago. We had went to his grandmothers funeral about two months ago I had to face the person who violated me. I seen this person asking my husband about his kids. I try to rationalize what this person did to me by saying to myself mybe this person did not mean to do this I was pregnant at the time with my frist born when this person did what he did to me. I was so ralled up and furiated after my husband grandmother funeral my daughter looked at me and said mom i did not know that this trip would make you like this.I asked my husband to counfront his cousin he said that there is no need to right now it happened so long ago. I am deeeply distressed over this and i have no resourses to leave right now with my two kids. can you give me some advice on what to do. My daughter and my son is apart of this family i need help.
If you need help what you should focus on first is yourself. You have to be okay to deal with this first. If you don't know how to handle this effectively then your family won't either. You have to explore with a professional what happened to you and how that is going to influence your life. When the event has less impact then you are more prepared to handle it in a positive way. When you find someone in your area you will be less distressed about what happened. There are crisis centers in any state that help victims and some are free. You just have to research this so you know what is there.
When you have reconciled this with yourself you can then challenge your husband. Telll him this is important no matter how long ago it happened. This is life changing. Decide with your husband a better way to challenge this cousin. If your husband would at least tell him that he knows what happened and not play it off this would let him know that it isn't okay. Your husband may be afraid of his reaction so he does nothing. This can be handled in a mature way. Then you will be better because your husband supported you. Don't let either your husband or the cousin off the hook. If you have to confront him alone then so be it.
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