How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I love my man dearly & love sex with him, & it used to be great

Resolved Question:

I love my man dearly & love sex with him, & it used to be great but just lately he seems uninterested. everytime I initiate sex he turns me down, when he is interested its just a "quicky" or I give him oral sex which he loves, but he doesn`t seem to think I need it to. When I try to talk to him about our lack off "real" loving its as if he does me a favour & makes love to me. There is a lot going on in our lives at the moment & we are very unsettled but I realy need to feel loved & desired. I know he loves me but we have only been together 18 months & this doesn`t look good for our sexual future. I am 47 & he is 44 his past relationship but one broke down because she went through menapause & didn`t want sex & she was 11 years older than him, & three months ago he found out his last girlfriend has had his baby & didn`t tell him, which rocked his world & he is trying to gain access to his child. If it was three months that we had had this problem I would understand but it has been for the past year. Idon`t know how to handle this, please help
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like he may be letting stress and issues in his environment to effect his desire to have sex. When sex gets very infrequent this can be indicative of emotional issues in one partner, health problems, or just stress related emotions that interfere with the desire to enjoy sex. It can be the relationship but most of the time it is not. He knows why he is disinterested in sex and that is the problem to target. If he is consumed with problems overall in his life then work on this as a couple. The issues have to expressed and resolved though. You can use this as a way to strengthen your bond as a couple. He has to communicate his thoughts and feelings. You can also work on sex by working on intimacy. Schedule date nights that encourage time together without talking about problems that you both are having. Quality time spent on romance will increase time spent on sex. Make sure you have this quality time regardless of what else is happening. Also read my favorite on this subject Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.

 

You can communicate your needs but first just have fun together. Sometimes if you focus on the lack of sex it puts pressure on the partner. Don't allow this issue to govern your relationship. Learn how to communicate about sex without making this the sole focus.

 

Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
psychlady and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I do understand what you are saying but with the child involved there will always be problems he will have to deal with, his ex & mother off the child will not make it easy for us & we are just about to take on a business & work for ourselves which will add to the stress. Financially to with paying for the child,& hes drinking alot more than normal, he is a big drinker normally but now even more so. He often says "I know you are not getting enough sex but its worth the wait when you do get it".To me thats not good enough, he feels like sex, because as I have said a quicky or oral sex for him is several times a week its making LOVE to me that hes not interested in. Im beginning to think it is me thats not turning him on. He watches porn, with me sometimes & I think hes watching it so he feels horny & can make love to me & that happens sometimes but not offen.more offen than not it results in oral sex for him & he says I will make it up to you later, but later never comes. I am very different to the women he has had in his life before, & I do believe he loves me, but I also am beginning to think that I am good for him in so many ways which he knows, I look after him, I`m good with money,I can help him build his life up again, he wants to be self employed & I am helping him achieve that to, but I am also a bit shy about sex & I don`t think I turn him on enough. Is he useing me to get what he wants in life?I just don`t know. What I do know is that I gave up a lot to be with him & I`m not getting to much out off this relationship. I need to be shown love not just told that I`m loved. Help please
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. He seems to be really struggling. The issues may remain but that doesn't mean he gets to drink or ignore the relationship. He has to get past that. His best choice is to find a professional to talk to before the drinking gets worse. He is self medicating. There is no excuse for that. You may be wonderful but he has to deal with this. I wouldn't assume that you don't turn him on. The circumstances dictate that he is not dealing with his problems. This may be an extension of that. I think he should see one before you give up on him completely
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
psychlady and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education