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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I think my ex-boyfriend is a sociopath.

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I think my ex-boyfriend is a sociopath. He has lied straight to my face saying he was going on a guy trip, but he was going on vacation for 3 weeks with his ex-girlfriend. I found out, he still lied until I found out the girls name and confronted him with it. He came back and professed his love for me, wanting to marry me, took me on trips to make it up to me, and ended up telling me he was unhappy again 4 months later. We have broken up 4 times this year and now he told me he wants to be free. But this same girl is back living with him in his house, just a week after he broke up with me. And just 3 months ago, she flew back in town and he broke her heart and she said I'm never coming back here again. He told me, "you demand my attention, you engage, you are a whole woman and I'm not ready for you." Everything in our relationship was great...we never fought, we really like each others company and just out of the blue he says he is conflicted inside, or doesn't know what he wants. He has a business secret that he tells me only 2 other people know besides me. I think he has intimacy issues and I now also think he may have several personality disorders.  When he broke up with me the 1st of September, he gave me $15,000 in 3 $5,000 checks to pay my bills if I got low.  This time he gave me 4 $6,000 checks, sealed in an envelope with my name on it in my zipped up case with my clothes in it that he returned to me.  After 3 weeks we got back together (the end of  Sept.).  He said he wasn't conflicted anymore, he was reading books to help grow, he could sit right in front of me and say "I love you", initially he celebrated my sons birthday, but got back to never spending any time with him. He has been married twice.  First marriage was 16 years, 2 kids.  Said he became a hypocondratic.  Second marriage 14 years to a woman he was living with (and was going to break up with) got pregnant and had his 3rd child.  He said she became an alcholic and was diagonised as dilusional. He said he finally got the 3rd son out of the house and he doesn't want a 3rd family.  He has NEVER paid any attention to my two children (12 and 18 years old).  He says I am beautiful and smart, the best person he has ever known, and respects me more than anyone, he wants to commit but can't.  I have never asked him to marry me.  Out of the blue he tells me he is stressed, has headaches and can't sleep or concentrate.  He trusts me and calls me his best friend, but then he sits in front of me without any emotion and says he wants to break up.  Please advise.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You need to run! He sounds like he has many disorders. At the very least he is narcissistic. He worries about no one but himself even when he is saying otherwise. Behavior wins over words. His actions say that he is after one thing. That is to satisfy his needs. Women are just a way to satisfy those needs. You are headed for constant heartache. You may get along but he is disrespecting you and the relationship. His track record tells you that he isn't able to have a mature relationship. His best craft is his ability to lie about anything. If he is having a vacation with an ex and lying to your face do you need any other proof. He is willing to carry off elaborate lies and be okay with that.


I would love to tell you that he is just misunderstood. He rather is someone who will get over as long as you allow him to do so. If you marry him you are committing to a lifetime of heartache. He tells you he cares when he wants back in your good graces. It is just a means to an end.


You are allowing him to waste your time and break your heart. There is no future here



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