Hey Dr. Mark....you seem to have hit the nail on the head...Im still in this for the long term but am impatient for it to start looking better. I fear that I was a part of something that he doesn't need anymore because I still have considerable feelings for him...I don't want to think about that I might have been something that he doesn't need anymore and that my only role was in helping him get back on his feet. Not that I don't want that for him, I just had hope that I would be standing next to him when that happened. So yeah, I'm impatient and I have had a hard time accepting this new sparse talking situation. I miss talking to him cause we could talk for hours about stuff we both love,,music, flying, etc.
I guess the hardest part is that I really don't know if its the first scenario or the second you describe that is going on or if nothing has really changed other than he is doing better and doesn't need to talk as much. I do think he cares about me alot. He made a point of saying he loved me when he got off the phone yesterday. He's always said I was his first love and very special and so I think I have that going for me, but that was also 36 years ago and things were different. I was just sitting here thinking about going on an online dating service jsut to see what else might be out there. Not that I am giving up on Bob but that maybe I'm giving up on putting all my heart with him in case he totally breaks my heart, ya know. There are times when I want him to acknowledge that he said stuff that he might not have really meant cause he was in the middle of the emotional upheaval. I think it might at least give me some validation that I didnt' just dream it.
I also know its probably a tough time for him. His first christmas and new years without his family, or his dad who passed the first of Feb. I'm sure its a little hard for him right now. His wife just got back from taking her new girlfriend to meet her family in mississippi..took their son with her. they just got back and he said he was unable to get much out of Jack about how the trip went,. He asked me if I thought it was ackward for them..I said I thought it would be ackward in the most understanding of families.
So I guess you are right, the only thing that has changed is the frequency of our conversations. He's still in the mud and its very slow going. I will continue to be patience but also keep looking for mr. something else. I guess with the trauma of what happened to my 85 year old parents with their breakin, I've been more stressed lately and more wishing for something good to happen.
On just a small thing, what do you make of the whole thing of him wanting to talk more friday afternoon but doing the dance around when I gave him a different time to call.
I really had the sense that he so didn't want to commit to when he would call...maybe
I'm trying to read some hidden meaning into that instead of just being happy that he called in the first place. Course I think you can read me like a primer..you know that what I really want to do is call him up and say "dude, where are you with us and what's going on?" I know i know...I wouldn't get a "real" answer and I would wreck any chance of this perhaps working out one day. but seriously, it was almost laughable how much he started making up reasons why he couldn't commit to calling after work today when I know he used to do it all the time. Is he that scared of a relationship or of me now?
He has shared his most intimate and personal feelings and now he's doing a dance around when he will call back..and it was him who wanted to talk more! I was so casual when i said it..just "well I'll be home tomorrow evening if you want to talk more then"... well I'm rambling...over analizing I'm sure...just trying to find some "real" ground....and yes, i will try to be more patient. You were so right about that, it is definitely harder after you've been running for a while...