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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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Question about depression

Customer Question

I have been diagnosed with mild to moderate depression. I'm engaged, but I've been considering calling off the wedding. I'm not sure, though, if my aversion to getting married is because of my depression or my true feelings for my fiancé. What should I do?

Also, I've been depressed for 2.5 years and have been dating my fiancé for the same amount of time.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi,
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
Is your depression getting better ?
Do you have feelings of hopelessness or anxiety about your future or relationship with your boyfriend?

Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My depression is getting worse.

I feel like the concerns I have had about my fiancé are not getting better, but I wouldn't say I feel hopeless. Just very cautious and nervous about the wedding day that is getting closer ( may 19)
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.
It sounds like you have had depression for 2.5 years.
When you have depression, you may tend to view things - yourself, others, your relationship, and/or your future negatively.
So, your depression may cause more or less anxiety about your fiance.
But, your concerns about your fiance may be valid.
You should discuss your concerns about your fiance and marriage with your psychotherapist and explore your feelings and thoughts.
I assume you are working with a psychologist now. Right?
If not, I would advise you to start seeing a psychologist weekly soon as you planned to get married in May next year.
You may need to trust your gut feelings about your fiance.
At the same time, it's important for you to clarify issues and your concerns about him or your marriage as depression may cause negative thoughts and feelings of yourself and situation.
I hope you make a right decision for yourself.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,

Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience: PsyD Psychologist
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
I am happy to explore your concern about your fiance here if you want to tell me what they are.
All the best,

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I guess there are two.

The first is that he lets his family push him around a lot. We live near them, and we always end up doing what they want. If we suggest an activity, they usually cancel, but we're expected to do what they invite us to. He doesn't stand up to them; he just responds in a nasty tone whenever they talk to him.

The second is that he doesn't have self discipline. If he doesn't get what he wants, he doesn't work harder to achieve results, he just gives up and pouts. For example, he went over budget this month. He knew he did, but he kept spending. When I asked him about it, he got mad at me. And then he wouldn't talk to me, he just canceled our weekend plans.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I can see why you are concerned about your fiance.
It sounds like he has some difficulty setting boundaries between you/him and his family or difficulty dealing with their requests.
Perhaps, his parents still treat him as a child more or less.
You are also concerned about his self-discipline in general.
Definitely, these issues will come up in your marriage in some form.
Again, your gut feelings are important as your concerns are valid.
You may ask yourself if you are ready to get married.
You may discuss your concerns with him honestly.
Hopefully, he may listen to your concerns and offer some solutions to you. If he gets defensive or angry at you, you may not feel confident about your marriage.
In any case, you may need to bring these issues up with your fiance.

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Dr. Olsen
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PsyD Psychologist