I only read the first paragraph because I actually did request Anna. I clicked the link on her previous response to me to 'ask a new question'. If you are not able to post this to Anna, please let me know and I will re-post. I am certain you would be helpful, however I am used to working with Anna.
Thanks so much & Happy New Year!
Hi again - I have given it a lot of thought, and I definitely want to give you the opportunity to help me. I desperately need a way out of this. Her behaviour is endless: rhapsodizing about her material possessions, backhanded compliments about my looks, heaping me with guilt about the years I had no contact with her, how she wishes newscasters, tv commentators who irritate her 'would shutup already' (especially if it is a program she wants to watch & shouldn't have to change channels), everyone is an idiot, moron, etc. It is all about her,her,her and the irritating chatter that goes along with that. Our first visit after almost 8 years she was on her best behaviour but by the second one, she was back to her old self. I am not good at confrontation so I don't know how I will pull this off but I am anxious for you to tell me.
I am, absolutely ok with this Hard to bring it up - my mother scares the heck out of me. What about the putdowns disguised as backhanded compliments, the endless, endless chatter about herself? How do I remove myself from her clutches? I am going mad. I spent two days wih her over the holidays and came home feeling awful. It took me another two days to recover
P.S. My dialogues with Anna were about my husband's ex-wife, not my mother. And just so you know, my mother is her equal, if not worse.
I don't know any 'good moms' real well. There are people I know but see rarely who fill that need. So...if I don't have anyone to fill that void how do I respond to her? Pefect example just occurred a minute ago. My mother left a message this morning wishing me a happy new year. Then she just left another message wanting to know why I didn't call her back to wish her the same and wondering if we are reverting back to the way we were the past 8 years, and if so, I quote 'so be it'. Now I am mad, so how do I call her back? She doesn't call to find out why I didn't call her back-maybe I'm not feeling well. Nothing about me, it's all about her. This is what I need you to help me deal with.
When I first replied to you it was considered an 'Accept' I received an email confirming you have been paid. You have been very helpful and I appreciate all the time you have spent. I have added a $10.00 bonus. I hope you receive this as am no longer trusting of the way this website works and I have emailed them about this.
As for my mother, she left further messages yesterday critisizing my husband. The details are not important, since this is so wrong. I got tired of it and tried to call her back, but her line was busy. And no one calls her. She purposely put it on busy so she wouldn't hear what I had to say. She has done that before with letters critisizing my behaviour and writing at the end 'don't respond to this letter'. As you said, she is sick, but I don't have to take it. Thanks again.
Thanks for explaining this website. It is confusing at times.
My mother practically begged me not to cut ties with her when I called her back. She said she would not survive. I don't want her to make me feel responsible for her demise. That would give her the final word, wouldn't it? I told her the things she had said that were mean-spirited and she apologized. but the only self-critique she could come up with is that she's overly sensitive! I know why she wants me in her life. I have read just about everything on narcissism. I serve a purpose. She can never take the focus off herself, never. That is why I would rather not talk to her. It is so frustrating. I mention an experience, how I feel about something, etc. and she takes over with her similar ones and then runs with it. We never get back to how something relates to me. On the phone she is tolerable but in person, impossible. Which makes sense. In person, I think that competitive side comes out in her. After a phone call, she hangs up and focuses on herself. Am I on the right track? I have no idea what to do know.
I understand and agree. You will not get one single challenge from me.
******My last dialogue mentioned how different my mother's behaviour was in person and on the phone. I would appreciate understanding why this is.*******
I know this is what I need to do. And I will. I can no longer carry around what she keeps dumping on me. Thank you so much. I will let you know how this works out.
I am waiting for your response. Please read my final reply re:
*****My last dialogue mentioned how different my mother's behaviour was in person and on the phone. I would appreciate understanding why this is.*******
I am glad you explained that because I could never figure out why I was dealing with two different personalities.
I have given this a lot of thought, and dealing with her is something I don't want in my life. Never a word about how ease my painful past,even if she doesn't admit any responsibility. I know she doesn't love me...she's not capable, and I don't think I really care for or about her anymore. We have nothing to talk about because I don't want to talk about her and she is not interested in talking about me. I am in knots every time I think about talking to her. I hope she ends it with me because I can't take much more.
You have given so much great information and insight to work with. And I thank you.
I was re-reading our conversation and didn't fully appreciate all the valuable advice you gave me. It is only $10.00 bonus and 3 years late, but better late than never. :-)