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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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how do I get my ex to speak with me?

Resolved Question:

how do I get my ex to speak with me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Brad :

Thank you for your question. Before providing recommendations, I have a few questions. First, how long have you been separated from your ex? What caused the breakup? How long ago was this break up?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
HE DIVORCED ME IN 2008. I SIGNED DOCUMENTS UNDER DURESS...W/O LEGAL REPRESENTATION. HE HAD QUIT WORKING AND I WAS VERY STRESSES..TRIED TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE CRAZY....WE RECONCILED 7 MONTHS LATER HE HAD BEEN MIS DIAGNOISED...HE SUFFERS FROM LOW TESTOSTERONE...HE GOT TREATMENT..WAS DOING AWESOME..THOUGHT WE WERE VERY HAPPY...STARTING OVER..LAT FALL STOPPED USING HIS MEDICATION AS PERSCRIBED...STOPPED GOING TO FOLLOW UP APPTS WITH DR. STARTED HAVING HORRIBLE HEADACHES...MOODY, NEEDY AND SEVERE DEPRESSION...DID NOT REALIZE UNTIL A FEW MONTHS AGO THE CULPRIT hE HAD A STROKE END OF FEB 2011...ALL WAS GOOD HE CAME THROUGH FINE ALL THINGS CONSIDERED....AGAIN WAS NOT USING TESTESTERONE MED PROPERLY...THEN WAS MANIC GOING OFF 60 MG OF PROZAC COLD....HE WENT TO A SALE IN FL ON APRIL 8...ON APRIL 22 HUNG UP ON ME AND NEVER CAME HOME....HAVE BEEN PUT THROUGH HELL SINCE...BUT NOW HE HAS CRASHED EMOTIONALLY...BLAMES ME FGOR FAILURE IN HIS LIFE...WRITTEN AND THROUGH LAWYERS...IF NEED MORE INFO PLEASE ASK...THANK YOU.
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.
What do you want to accomplish from contacting your ex at this point?
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Brad The Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

closure. making almost $3000. per month house pymt. have beautiful home he built. could never replace location is actually a 13 acre lot, raise hay for horses here, is my business....I invoice about $9,000. per month. Have had to do all manual labor due to reduction in income from my business.

Anyway, we were so connected, for so many years....I know him like no one else. Think it scares him. know he has serious issues, but think he is at such a low place in his life...know I could help him, have always been positive, could turn his depression around before...feel like he is in a tough place in his life....want to help, know he would be able to find reasons to help himself if he would see me. Think he knows this....how does someone walk out the door one day and never come home....never say goodbye? I think if he would just see me it would go one way or another and I could let go or we could work to fix the damage....I have no anger because I know he was out of balance medically....I think about all he did to hurt, damage me...he did hurt me, but know now he has very deep seeded issues....being alone for him will not heal him...he does not work, is living off his sister..a least here he has a sense of value..

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
to answer your question...after sixteen years together..I need him to see me, tell me he wants this...can tell if he is doing (leaving / dumping me) for his sister, for himself, or because he is in such a terrible place in his life he cannot bare to continue to let me down....he has always thought/said I had a strong personality...I really don't...just have had to be strong...I am 50, and really want someone in my life that wants to take care of me a little for a change. Thought Dean and I were there...2 kids graduated from college..no debit....all education we paid for as they went..sacraficed but loved my family so much... youngest at one of the best prep schools in the country...Culver...now not going back after holidays...18th birthday January 1...no call or card on Christmas from Dean...just ignored him like he did me...Just want to know why??? How was all so bad here?? What didn't I do?? Loved him uncionditionally, worked sooo hard physically so he could research...he sabatoged everything for us...he sent me a link to a self hate website..saying it was what he thought he had...
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your response. I encourage you to write a draft letter to Dean, expressing your thoughts and feelings to him. After writing this draft, I urge you to edit the letter so that he does not feel defensive by the letter. Please include what you hoped for will happen after him reading the letter. If you decide to send the letter, this in itself will give you closure as he can either reply or not reply. If he doesn't reply, you know he read your letter and knows how you felt.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I have tried writing to him. Telling him how I feel. I have drafted numerous letters....not sent and many sent..all telling him how I feel, how I worry...how He responds by telling me he is mentally now well enough to see me....but he is well enough to travel here biweekly to look at our home, etc. I think he went to FL for the winter but not sure yet. It isXXXXXfrom where he is living in OH with his sister and her SO. He will make the drive alone. As does not have anyone that does not have to work...

He cashed in IRA after stroke to give middle child down payment on house....I agree he is unstable...

The refusal of him to see me, talk, communicate about our home, equipment, etc., is more than hard on me...it was his blaming me for all wrong in his life...he held/holds me responsible. Very difficult for me, very sensitive emotional person, tender hearted, but loving to a fault (me). His refusal to see, talk, is keeping me stuck...I cry now, hyper-ventilate writing this as so emotional for me...As daughter said, and want to believe I deserved better...closure is what I need that he cannot give, in my heart I feel he does not want this situation....

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.
How do you think you will reach closure a this point? If he refuses to respond to you after much effort, I suggest for you to engage into activities you enjoy doing. The effort you are putting in to reach out to him and the energy you are using when he doesn't respond is no good for you (as you know). Please do activities you always wanted to do, but never had the time to do. This could be picking up another hobby, learning a foreign language, etc...Spend time with friends, go to your favorite restaurant...any thing to distract yourself from him.
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Brad The Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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