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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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i opened our phone bill and noticed some strange numbers that

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i opened our phone bill and noticed some strange numbers that my husband has been exchanging text messages at odd hours of the night.i called the numbers and female voices answered on the line. i confronted him and he stated they are just friends and normally communicated with them when he was working night,he is not working night any more.this is 11yrs of our marriage and i have never had any concerns.this is really bugging.i want to believe him but i don't.what do i do?i used to trust him 100%.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 4 years ago.
Listen to your intuition you will usually be right. Talk with him about your needs and his needs. You need security and that comes from fidelity, and honesty. He needs physical gratification, that comes from food, sex, comfort at home etc.

Tell him you want to understand and meet his needs better and you want him to understand and meet your needs better. When he say's "what are you talking about everything is fine!" you say "no it isn't I am not feeling secure, my needs in the marriage are not getting met right now." he says "is this about those texts? I told you that was nothing." then you say "sorry it's not that simple those texts have caused me to feel insecure, I am not getting my needs met in our marriage right now." he says, " you are being ridiculous, you need to let it go." then you say "I would like to, but I am feeling very insecure and this is effecting my trust in you." He says "what do you want me to do (now he is angry)." you say " I want you to tell me the truth so we can see if we can see if we can work to get things back on track and I can feel better about our marriage."

In short be true to your deeper self and be true to your marriage, Don't sweep this under the rug and hope you will start feeling better. Get to the roots and find solutions. Don't take it personal many husbands (especially these days) get involved in things they should not even though they are attracted to their wife.

If over time you don't make progress, let him know you need him to go to marriage therapy with you.

Let me know what you think.

Mark Manley
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