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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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can i just ask you a question because now my grandmother is

Customer Question

can i just ask you a question because now my grandmother is pouring over the phone saying that "if he was so intrested why hasn't he tryed to contact you? my answer was just that it said on the note if you needed a promo... so he thinks he need some thing to promote to do it.! and i try to take it with a grain of salt but how do i do that? and she just don't back down she was the same way to my mother but how can i take what she say with a grain of salt? it's starting to get hard she won't quit 


 


im really sorry about this but i need some help to handle here i'm starting to get tired of hearing about all the negativity  and that every thing in the world is wrong. and if people don't wait for here it's wrong  and it's noting wrong by lighting the fire place when your house is filled with paper even if you tell here that. she responds : no i'm experienced with lighting the fire place.


 


i just don't know how to escape this?


 


and i wanted to write just to you this time so the other one get's some peace


 


i'm sorry with what i said about grandmother here and now but i felt pretty good

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It's hard to shut out hurtful words. It can cut to your core and make you question everything you do. When you are confronted with someone who will not stop saying hurtful things, changing their behavior is usually too hard. They either do not see they are being hurtful or they want to be hurtful. When someone choose to hurt others, they are usually hurt themselves and take it out on others. Because hurting others serves a purpose for them, they usually are not motivated to change.

 

Since she won't change, that only leaves how you will respond. Letting her talk and trying to reason with her so far has not worked. She is getting something out of expressing her opinion to you. It sounds like this is rewarding to her. Instead you may want to avoid the subject all together. Try changing the subject when she brings it up. As soon as she says anything about him or the situation, change the topic to something else. If she will not drop it, tell her you need to go and hang up. Do this every time she brings it up.

 

You can also tell her that you will not discuss it again. She may be offended, but your opinion is just as important as hers, and maybe even more so since this is your situation and your life. Each time she brings the topic up, repeat the same thing to her. It may seem odd to repeat yourself, but so is her behavior with consistently bringing the topic up. By repeating yourself, you take the juice out of her and forcing the topic to die. You want to make it hard for her to bring up without seeming pushy. Trying one or both of these things should shut her down and make it so you do not have to accept her interference.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thank you i will try to repeat my self. i have tryed changing topic but i have not tried to repeat myself. thank you so much again . i will try to repeat and she is just gonna say how mean i'm to here. but i could not care about it since i'm sure that's not true

 

thank you

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! I know this is not easy to do. It feels like you are being mean to her. But often people who insist on hurting you need to know that there are boundaries. And the only way to set them is to gently, but firmly, set those boundaries. Eventually, she will back off. It may just take some time.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I just wanted to let you know that i got to try this out today and i think it worked because when she started i said i oh i got to go to the bathroom abd then she got weakened in her voice.

I'm gonna continue. Remember she implied he was gay but then i said if he was gay then i would have to be a male... Because gays would not do that to me if they were gay. Am i right? because i find it hard to believe that he is gay when he looked at my back part and said sh*t... If he was

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I am so glad that it worked! I wonder if she is just acting like a bully. When you confront bullies, they often back down because they are really scared inside.

 

I think your grandmother suggesting he is gay is just a way for her to hurt you. She may be implying that he would not be interested in you otherwise, which is a mean thing to say. It sounds like she could also be implying that he is gay because she is projecting her own insecurities on you. She may feel she is not attractive or she was rejected in the past by someone she loved. She may feel insecure about herself as a result and feels threatened by this man's interest in you. So she tries to undermine your good feelings so she can feel better about herself.

 

If this man were gay, he would not show the kind of interest in you that he did. You would be able to tell the difference because you would have gotten a different kind of impression from him. It probably would have felt more like a friend or even girlfriend talking with you instead of the feeling you did get, which was feeling that he cared for you heterosexual way.

 

It's hard to tune out someone's criticism, especially when it hurts and makes you question what you are feeling and seeing. But trust in your own gut. When you feel one thing and someone tries to convince you otherwise, go with your own feeling. You know what you heard and saw when you were with this man. Your grandmother did not. She is only using the situation to hurt you.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Can i ask you about what it's like when you move on? Because i think i might be going down that road now. I can still feel my heart beat hard. And i still say i love. But my mind isn't crazy anymore. If i could choose i still know where i would be. But I'm a little unsure. Since my mind isn't that crazy after i wrote. But i still get happy by the thing he said before i left. "can you come back?" but I'm insecure i still stand by what iv said in my posts. Or is this just fear? Like my head is running away kind of thing. I still get tears of the fears if you know what i mean. I'm just a little lost now
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello,

 

I don't think that you have moved on from wanting to be in the relationship. But instead, your recent letter to him has affected how you feel in some ways:

 

One, you took some control and made a move. This helped you move from the situation being totally in your mind to real in your mind.

 

Two, your letter grounded you. You may a connection with him and no matter how it turns out, you tried.

 

Three, your letter was an expression of your feelings and getting those out there to him helped you express what you have kept bottled up for a long time.

 

Basically, you have stepped up to the plate and now you are ready, after months of preparation and thinking about your actions. For many people, taking action can reduce those previous jitters and butterflies in the stomach to a calmness and centerness because they feel they are finally able to do something with all the feelings they have had for so long.

 

You may also be moving away a little just to give yourself some space from whatever response he has to your letter. Like preparing yourself in a way. Sitting back and waiting. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a very human reaction to a situation like this and one that most people do. I think you still are very interested in the relationship and very hopeful that it will become something wonderful for the two of you.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Can i ask you something because I'm so scared right now. What stage do you think he is on right now? I'm scared because it's been 4 months without contact. Do you think he still thinks about me with thoughts on that he is around the place all the time? And i want to thank you for being there. Never been so terrified my whole life. And now my letter had probably arrived. And what my grandmother has said probably hasn't made it any easier
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello!

 

He is probably where you are. He may be thinking of you as much as you are of him, or he could think of you when he sees things that remind him of you. If he has your letter by now, I am sure he is thinking of you a lot.

 

I understand your fear of his reaction. It is very normal to feel that way. Everyone does when they take a risk and put their feelings out there. I would feel that way too. And what your grandmother said to you would naturally be in the front of your mind because it supports you being rejected, which you fear. Anytime we fear something, we think of things that would support that fear. But you have just as much chance of having him respond in a positive way than in a negative.

 

Given your description of him, I doubt he would purposely hurt you. If he did not feel the same feelings (a remote chance) then he would most likely be very kind about it. But if he did feel as you do, then he may be shy about it or he may have no problem telling you how he feels.

 

Try to think positively as you can. If it helps, whenever you hear that voice of doubt in your mind, tell it to go away. Get mad if you have to. Feeling like this is all going to fail does not make it so, nor does it help with the pain if it does. So thinking good thoughts will help you feel less fearful and more positive.

 

I'm here if you need to talk more,

Kate

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yeah i think your right that was my thoughts to. if i was there i would think alot.

 

no matter how this turns out i have now been a little good to myself and got a new cell phone i instantly wanted because of the good design. so i have treated my self a little :) needed to self medicate a little after my monthes of wonder. and listeningt to what my heart says and wich was the same as what you two said. and going in and out of the "hunted house" with my grandmother . it's been a very special time at least like he said to me riht before i lest the night before. when i asked him if he had checked out the info i gave him on the note. he said "not yet i'm trying i'm trying but thank you anyways because now i know how to that i was lost and didn't know how to that but now i know how to do that... at least.... "in a low tone. it's been special and strange journy. just without traveling around the world but i did have you two to assist me

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I'm glad to hear that you were good to yourself! What a great way to handle all the stress. Listening to your heart is important. You are in the front seat of the situation and know better than anyone what has gone on. And no matter what happens, you have handled it all so well.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi wanted to write to you. because you see i think i found the purepose for me meeting him. i think it was so i could seee that in my life i could want a serious relationship. i think that might be the answer since i have not gotten any respons. so i think i'm just gonna start looking. and yesterday night i asked god that if the only purepose for me falling for this guy was so i could see that i could want a serious relationship that i don't dream about him anymore so i could move on. and i didn't dream about him this night. still love him but if that was the purepose that he is gonna put on this act so i could want a serious relationship i think i better start moving on. haven't gotten any letter back either so. maybe one day Los Angeles will be Los Angeles again as the city i Love and stop seeing him instead of The city i Love. who knows. just wanted to share with you what i think the purepose might be.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello!

 

I agree with you. This is a great insight you have about the relationship and yourself. If you are feeling that you are moving on from this relationship, then follow those feelings.

 

You have done everything possible to be in the relationship. You have been respectful of his feelings, wrote a very nice and kind letter to him and you have held on to see if there was anything to how you (and maybe he) felt. You have opened yourself up and felt such strong love. And if nothing was to come of it, then that may be what God wanted you to see. You are capable of great love and very deep love. I can tell that just based on how you express yourself and the love you express for him in just our contact. This means that there is some very blessed man out there who is going to get to be a recipient of your attention!

 

I admire how you have handled this relationship. I have no doubt you will be just fine.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you so much for these words. Still feels wrong to look but i think maybe that's what i was gonna learn. Already found a profile i liked a good liking man not that i look at apperans but what he wrote in his profile was amazing. Kind of started to like him a little think I'm gonna write to him :-) looked and got an impression of that he was a nice man. Think I'm gonna try :-)

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I am glad to hear that! You have really gone through quite an experience and it is amazing how you took what you went through and learned from it. Not many people can do that. I am happy for you.

 

I hope this new guy works out. He sounds nice. Let me know what happens!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi there i wanted to write to you since you kind of know me a little. do you have any advice or techniques for me to get a relief of grief? now i just feel hopeless i can't look at Los Angeles at all. even though i get alot of comment's that make me smile. i feel hopeless. and when i lock my eye's i see the last thing i saw about him. and hear his voice. i really much want Los Angeles to be Los Angeles again. but it's weird to look at the live shots and news from there. i found someone who seems to like me he makes me smile nice italian man at 29. really good looking to. i have taken away the picture. and i don't know what more to do that's how hopless i em. almost don't know what to write. i feel i have started to "kill it" but how can i kill what my heart says? it just keeps saying it's not over yet. your going in the wrong direction. that's not how it's gonna end.

how can i kill this? i just feel hopeless. and i feel kind of ugly even though i get alot of hints to the opposite. can you give me some advice?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
the other thing is that i kind of don't want to go back to that city either
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello,

 

It is very normal to grieve after a loss. And it is natural that you associate the city to the relationship you thought you might have. Any time you have a relationship that goes bad, there are going to be associations that remind you of what happened.

 

The most important thing to remember is that your feelings about the city are probably the feelings you have for the love you thought might have been. The city itself has not changed, it is the relationship that made it all appear different. Before the relationship, the city was just a city to you. But since then, the relationship changed everything. So it is the relationship that is your real focus.

 

Focus on how you feel about what happened. Allow yourself to feel the grief. It doesn't feel good and it's hard to cope with, but moving through grief is the best way to get over it for good.

 

Learn what you can about the grieving process. The more you know, the better equipped you are to help yourself through this. Here are some resources to help:

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

 

Get as much support as possible. Friends, family and even support groups can help you get through. Talk about how you feel and if you like to write, start a journal. This will help you see your healing process and make you feel better.

 

Also, write a letter to him. Don't send it but just write about how you feel. Don't hold back. Keep the letter and add to it. Then when you feel ready to move on, tear the letter up or burn it. It can signal the end of the relationship for you.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thank you

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi i wanted to give you an update. I want to tell you that i have now learned a new lesson in life :-) and that is to never suppress my feeling again. Now as i came to realize that that was what i was doing now i realized that i was walking thru hell. i felt horrible. Unstable mood. Lost joy and me being the happy and lost the positive person i em. And now i feel great I'm sure that my short term insomnia is now over. And ok so it didn't work out the first time. But i now have an italian man who wants to cook for me italian food and take care of me always call me bellissima "beautiful" and i em now ready for a new day. And I'm no longer suppressing my feelings and i posted on my facebook that that is the worst thing you can ever do. That's my update god night kate :-)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello, it's good to hear from you!

 

That is great news! You sound very happy. Sometimes it takes something difficult and trying to help us see new things about ourselves. It also helps to know that we can survive a bad time and come out feeling even better than before, which you might never think possible unless you go through it like you did.

 

Your new man sounds wonderful and you seem very content. I am glad you let me know how you are doing. It makes me feel good to know that you are happy and on a good path.

 

My best to both of you. You deserve to be happy after all you have been through.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i need your wisdom one more time.

 

you see when i was at the post office. i checked and they had not any record of sending a letter to the U.S. at that time. and i know he would respond anyway good or bad. i have managed to seperate him from the city and can look at it again and feel joy. but i still have the pictures of him. and still smile when i look at it. but now i don't know what to do because this italien man likes me alot. i tested him by having a "sexy" picture on my profile for one day and he got jealous and when i said to him yesterday i would love to have someone to travel with. the next day. today he searched up plane tickets.. so i know he likes me and is always calling me beautiful and that i em an amazing person. and what's ironic with his name "max" is that that is nick's brothers name. so i can't really escape him.pluss all the indian things i see. i like max. but my heart is still with nick. and i don't know since he never got the letter if i should retry to send it.

 

what should i do? :/

think nick is having problems

 

and i have now checked the latest reviews of where he works and he doesn't seem happy getting coments of being ruthless and rude and i know it's not max they are talking about he was always happy. but i dont believe it about nick either. but they specified 1 person at the reseption

+ this. i do believe he has some problems and it's hard for me to read i kinde of feel the need to go there to find out what's wrong.

 

"The "owner/manager" raised his fist at me as if he was about to strike me!!! this is a first for me... "

"Cancelled a reservation two days prior to reservation date and was told by gentleman with east indian accent that the room was cancelled. Then a charge appeared on credit card. We contested and it was recommended that we call the hotel and see if we could resolve the charge. The same gentleman went crazy and screamed that no cancellation had been made. As mentioned, we were Cheated and swindled"

 

what can i do in this situation? that his name is XXXXX XXXXX easy

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like Nick might be having problems. He may have been very nice to you and did not show you this angry side. Sometimes people will hide parts of themselves they don't want others to see and unless you get to know them very well, you don't see it. Those reviews do not bode well for how XXXXX XXXXXdles his work and treats other people. And there isn't just one which you could probably dismiss as a disgruntled customer. There are several which means Nick might be showing his other side.

 

If you go to see Nick, Max probably won't be ok with the situation so going does put your current relationship in jeopardy. Sending a letter is safer, but if Max finds out it may hurt your relationship. Also, Nick could tell you anything he wants in a letter. You still won't be sure he is ok or not.

 

It's hard to make a decision in this case. But the facts you have do point to Nick having anger issues and not being the person he appeared to be with you. Also, if you leave you risk losing Max. But if you don't go, are you ok with letting Nick go? I suspect you may still be in mourning over the loss of the relationship and that is why you want to try to resolve how you feel by seeing Nick. But the consequences could be a lost relationship with Max. You may want to try to list pros and cons and see how you feel about what you see. Also, if you give this time, you may find that your feelings pass. To help yourself, try to stop looking at Nick's site and any other information on him. By seeing these things, you are just bringing your pain back up again.

 

Ending a relationship is never easy. But in this case, you might be better off trying to deal with the reminders of Nick until your feelings pass. You have a good relationship with Max and he sounds like he loves you and wants to make you happy. Until you are sure you don't want to be with Max, you may want to try to let Nick go.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes kate i still feel for him. And i think you are absolutely right. Max like me and he wants to move to my city to. And i hope this with nick will end soon. I just got worried about him if he have some problems or things he can't deal with. But if my feelings pass. And i go to Los Angeles with max and bump in to him is it all gonna go up in flames again i mean getting feeling back? Max make me feel wonderful. And i like him alot. He is the one i can starve for his attention. I'm planning to leave for Los Angeles in august just like last time. But can i get feelings for him again if i bump in to him if i travel with max?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
If so I'm not sure if I'm going back don't want max to have a broken heart. He is just to good for that. I don't want to do something to hurt anyone. And i really want to show him my favorite spot. And i want you to know i can now look an see los Angeles again without seeing him if you know what i mean. I can now enjoy the place and look at the pictures. And live shots so i think i have made progress
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It's going to take some effort to get over Nick but you can do it. Try thinking of what you read about him, think of what is good about your current relationship, and try thinking of your feelings for Nick as in the past. When you think of him, think something like "so what". The idea is to condition yourself against the relationship with Nick while celebrating the relationship with Max. Also, practice how you would react if you did see him. Keep your reaction to a minimum and plan on just saying "Hi" but only if you have to. That should help you begin to work on getting over him and moving on.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Ok thank you. Yeah i think max is more right for me already. The best part is that he doesn't only think of one thing . And he always make me feel better. The reviews just prove that he is an actor and I'm done with people like that. I want to be with some one balanced and faithful and i think i found that i max. Thank you kate for your advice. :-)

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! Max sounds like he loves you and he seems like a great guy.

 

My best to you both,

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

my dear friend kate i feel i have reached rock bottom. i'm just so afraid of how my life is gonna turn out that i today snaped. i didn't get any peace even though i said to my mother that i needed some peace and quiet. and she didn't listen to me. and i snaped and i looked her in the eye and said be quiet. you are playing with fire. and she didn't stop so i looked at her and i told here look i'm not afraid of dying anymore so if you don't shut up i will shot myself in the head. and i'm not joking..

 

everyday i walk around in pain. because i feel i can't live without him. i'm suffering so hard that just a moment ago i said to god please kill me never make me wake up again.

everyday is so unclear and unpredictable i went to a psychic both friday and saturday. she just told my what i knew. and ended by saying you have nothing to worrie about in the feature. but still i feel like i'm dying so hard. i'm suffering so bad i scream everyday. and i don't know what to do.

i'm just so scared and don't know what to do or were to turn. i'm afraid kate. and i don't know what to do. i'm so lost. what can i do? i feel like i'm going insane

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

What has happened since we last talked? Where is Max?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
to be honest with you i have no idea what's happening myself this is just how i feel. and i'm starting to get so tired of suffering. on saturday i even felt anxiety the abouve is the best way i can describe my life right now. i'm just in so deep pain and i don't know were to take the next tur. i also feel like meeting nick was a big catastrophe because of how much i miss him and and dying inside. i have no idea what to do
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed with your grief over the relationship. At this point, you may need to consider resolving how you feel either through therapy or by seeing Nick and addressing your feelings that way. Therapy would be the healthier way to address why you are feeling this way. Do you feel you might be able to see someone?

 

Your mother coming at you the way she did over the weekend could not have helped. You do need to have space to deal with how you feel and do not need your boundaries crossed, especially when you specifically ask to be left alone. Is there a place you can go for a while until you feel better?

 

Also, try to help yourself by expressing your feelings as much as you can to those you trust. You can also write out your feelings so you can see them on paper and re read them as you need to. Writing helps pinpoint your feelings and resolve them.

 

Be sure you are taking care of yourself. Regular healthy meals, plenty of rest and down time are all important.

 

If you can, see your regular doctor for medication if you feel you need it. Sometimes medication can help reduce your symptoms so you can think more clearly and resolve your issues better.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
yes i can find someone to see. but i have no place to go for awhile
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Having no where else to go makes it very hard on you. How about a weekend away somewhere? Could you stay with a friend or maybe even a hotel for a night? It might give you a chance to clear your mind and think things through.

 

Let me know how you are doing. I'm here if you need to talk.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi there. i just wanted to share with you that today my grandmother told me to watch a movie. and i suddently realized what she meant.

from tomorrow i'm gonna start writing down how i feel

and what was so amazing that my mind can't forgett

 

and i realized what she meant about the letters

 

she told me to watch a movie called "the note book"

just finished watching and when i was watching i came to realize that i had watched it before maybe years ago. but never cried several times or even one time of that movie before.

 

but now i know what she mean by the letters and what you mean about writing things down. so i'm gonna write down what my mind can't forget and how an why i feel this way.

 

thank you that's what i wanted to share

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello!

 

It sounds like you had a great insight today. Writing emotions down can make a big difference in how you process what you feel. It gives you the opportunity to re read what you wrote and think about how to word your feelings, giving you a chance at expressing yourself better.

 

And by writing, you can get these feelings out and express them in a healthy way. It also allows you to access another part of your brain when you express yourself as opposed to when you just talk. In women, it allows them to access both sides of the brain, rational and emotive which is more beneficial to you when coping with your emotions. So writing is a wonderful way to express yourself.

 

I hope the writing goes well and you discover new sides to how you feel and are able to resolve the issues you want to deal with.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i wrote something down i when i re read it i felt so much better it was incredible

and i know it's a sign of unhalthy but i also found that it helpt tromendusly to talk to myself when i was alone about all of this. and having you to talk to has also helped me alot and it's alway comforting og good to know your there if i need to talk and i want to say so you can get a perspective on my past that i find my self knowing and feeling alot of the same of what eminem says in his songs.

i grow up on a place called stridsklev in 1990.

i grow up among that time tiny terrorists

as a child me and my friends was introduced to sex werry young my first time was as the age of 5-6 years old i remember my friends brother came out to us and gave us a deck of cards the only thing was that it was sexual explicit cards.

and remember as a child me and my friend got condoms to play with from a guy

so we filled it with water and hit each other with it

and i remember that a guy had gotten a hole in his head and layed in the street and was bleeding all over the street and after he was taken away by the ambulance the kids played with his blood and putt on a white plastic doctor glove and diping his hand in it and chasing the other kids with it.

and one time i was going to sleep i layd down in my bed almost a sleep teenagers jumped and hit the window to scare

everyday i was terrifyed of going to school

that my childhood memories.

and in my teenage i had gotten a big temper when i exploded i didn't care were i was what i said or what i did.

i thought this "i don't give a fu*k about nothing" "if you play with me and push the wrong button your dead"

at high school my teachers were aftraid.

epecially one time in college when they had forged my signature on a application or somethin i needed to go to that school one more year i refused to go there didn't show up at all was there the last 3 months or so and on my record from the 2 years i spent there it said "is often coming with words like i hate, i will kill you, your a fu*king idiot.

what i did the last year when i was gone from school was to be with a childhood friend and play games drink and 2-3 times smoke hash.

a also remember when i got back there to the school they called me in for a meeting and they said some awfully wrong words to me and i snaped i banked my fist at the table several timer shouted out bad words alot and told them to be quiet at the end and when they didn't stop and didn't get the point i reised up lifted the chair over my head in my hands and treathend them to trow it at them at that point they got so scared i put the chair back down and said something like don't u f with me and i left slamming the door and lighting a sigarette in my hand and went out smashed a plate to the ground

that was my college year...

üp to 2009 after that i have been a rap artist...

and suddently after 2009 everything became quite

i have major trust issues with people

i'm used from a child to plan every move around town if something goes wrong and i meet my enemy

i still feel like my childhood wasen't bad

but my friend got schocked by it.

still hate cristmas time for some strange reason that's unknown and i don't know why it's not the message of cristmas that message i love. every cristmas i almost burst in to flames this cristmas i made it ok.

just wanted to give you a perspective on my past.

for some reason not sure why. but it felt good telling about it
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for sharing your childhood with me. I appreciate your trust in me.

 

It sounds like you lived through a horrific time during your childhood. You were traumatized by being exposed to adult situations like sex and death while you were just a child. Children who are exposed to such things before the are developmentally ready to understand them often react with Post Traumatic Symptoms. As you grew up, your hurt and pain from the trauma you went through developed into anger, which is a way to not only express how you felt, but anger helps you protect yourself. Few people are going to want to try to hurt you if you are angry to the point of explosive with your words and actions. So anger creates a barrier around you to protect you. Drinking and using drugs are another way to cover the pain.

 

You can help yourself by talking about what you went through with those you trust. Therapy is another way to express how you feel and work through the trauma. Also, learning more about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) can help you help yourself. Here are some resources to get you started:

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

 

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

 

The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms by Mary Beth Williams

 

The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook: A Guide to Healing, Recovery, and Growth by Glenn R. Schiraldi

 

You may also want to consider self help groups either in person or on line. Here is a link for you:

 

http://ptsd.supportgroups.com/

 

I am glad you told me what happened to you. Talking about what you experienced can make a big difference in your healing from the trauma you went through.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi katei just wanted to take a minute and give you an update :)
I have now moved in to my own first appartment. I did it i moved february 20th
There is not much to say about my life right now.
Other then that i feel Lost. I have done what my heart told me not to do.
And now i no longer feel that my heart tells me thing other then with the same old subject. Well lately not to long ago i got a heart saying that if i get the chance don't get engaged wich is kind of stupid since i never thought about getting engaged... But i just got a bad feeling about it that is what my heart told me last time.
And it also feels like i have lost touch with myself and God
Now i just feel empty. I feel confused. And without knowlage
It's like i don't know were to go next. What is the next turn wich road should i go.. I feel abandond in life
I cry every night and have nightmears every night. What should i do?

Btw i love living by myself :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, it's good to talk with you.

 

Congratulations on getting your first apartment! Living by yourself can feel so freeing and give you a confidence you may not have experienced before.

 

It's ok to listen to your heart. It is sometimes the only way to know how to handle a situation. But if you feel you made a wrong decision or did not listen when you should have, try not to feel bad about it, especially if you cannot fix it. It is part of learning who you are and what you need. This experience may not have let you get what you wanted, but next time you will be able to use what you learned to make a better decision.

 

Growing closer to God can help you feel better. Not only does the relationship help you feel less alone, God can provide a comfort that no person can. You can pray for guidance and let God work in your life to help you find happiness and fulfillment. Getting closer to God can be a matter of listening to spiritual music, reading the Bible, or just saying a pray asking God for help. Each little step you take can make a big difference.

 

If you are having nightmares and crying each night, you may need to talk to a therapist face to face. Your symptoms can mean that you feel traumatized or depressed. Talking about your feelings can help a lot. And if you feel you need help right away, medications can take the edge off the symptoms until you feel therapy is helping. Also, try journaling. Writing out your feelings is a great way to express how you feel. Be sure to take care of yourself as well. Eat well and get a lot of rest. A poor diet and little sleep can magnify any symptoms you have and make you feel a lot worse.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok thank you kate. :) i will actualy see a theripist tomorrow at 2 P.M.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That is good! I think it will help a lot.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi can i ask you a question. remember max? well we have started to connect i think. we have meet each other 2 times recently he has spent the night both times. and now on saturday it's the second week we haven't seen each other. but we have spoke on cam. se sends me messages with baby amore amore mio etc. and now we haven't spoke on in two days. he said we were gonna speak today but that didn't happend because he was at a party with work.... and he sendt me a message at 11 P.M. saying baby i was at a part with work and i'm really drunk. i'm sorry. and i said are you in tønsberg (the city he livs in.) and he said yes. i'm mastrubating. thinking you suck me. and i said are you home? i can call you <3 and he said i'm so horny we speak tomorrow. i'm thinking coming in your mouth. is there any sign he would be cheating on me? that's my question. that he cheated on me now?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i mean today morning hour at noon he wrote

Da:) I have no credit in my phone and yesterday i went to sleep very early:( We speak later:)))

and we didn't speak because of . yeah.

 

but yester day after i wrote have a good day at work :-*

he wrote thank you :) the same to you :) enjoy the sun. enjoy bella.

the day before that he wrote me and skype called me we talked and he blow kisses to me.

 

it's just yesterday who confuse me a little because when i talked to him (wrote him) on skype he signed off :s and that's after he wrote thank you :) the same to you :) enjoy the sun. ciao bella

 

the sunday he called me amore mio..

 

and the last two days i know he has been tired.

 

and he liked my status on facebook that he was coming to me. 2 on 1'st

 

em i reading it wrong? is there something wrong? consideering he signed of.

my friend says i have nothing to worrie about.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello, it's good to hear from you!

 

It sounds like he likes you a lot! But it could be that he is not yet ready to make a full commitment, not because of you, but because of him. He sounds a little immature in his actions, and that may account for how he is acting.

 

In a committed relationship, the focus is on the other partner. So much like you are with him, he would be just as focused on you. Some of his behavior is confusing and the messages are tough to interpret. That is most likely due to his own issues about relationships.

 

Talk with him about your concerns. Let him know what you want from him. Do this in a firm but gentle way. Communication is the best way to keep your relationship working and to address any issues that happen. If he listens to you and tries to improve, then you know he is committed. If he does not, he may need more time before he is ready to commit fully. That does not mean he doesn't love you, just that he has issues that are interfering with his ability to be fully in the relationship and put himself behind.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi just heard from him a couple of hours ago. After writing to him. Just wanted to wish you a good day at work if you are at work. And he responded be sending me a message on facebook saying : baby i just saw the messages i wrote you yesterday i am so sorry i was so drunk :(((((((()
And i responded in a text message on his phone : its ok you were drunk. But if you had slept with someone or something like it when you know i have feeling for you. Then i would be disappointed and hurt. Just dont drink so much. Its not good. I still hope you will spend the weekend with me. Kisses.

And he responded 3 minutes later : i slept alone da ahahah i had no power to sleep with someone. No worries :) i come tomorrow and we take it easy.

And a little later he liked a facebook status post... What does this mean? Did i good by writing him what i meant and fee,? Or did i do something wrong? And how do you think he responded? and how would you enterpert it?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like you did just fine. He needs to know how you feel about his behavior, especially you both are in an exclusive relationship with each other and he does something that bothers you.

 

What you did was exactly what I meant about communicating. Telling him what you feel is important. He needs to accept that and be just as open with you. That is what makes a relationship healthy.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok thank you. But one last thing from how he responded to it. Do you think he understod and excepted it?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

From his reaction, he seemed to. See how he acts when you see him next and if his behavior improves. That will tell you.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok thank you. Have a good day and a good weekend :) thank you for helping me once again :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! I'm here to help, anytime.

 

Enjoy your weekend too!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My dear friend kate. I need you to see thru my possible foggy vision. I cant read thru human behavior so im seeking you thru see me. I was at his place from wednesday thru friday. Went home in friday. This is what happened.
I came and arrived at the train station at 4 p.m. He meet me and gave me a hug. We went for a cappuccino he knows i love them. We took the cappuccino talked everything was nice. He suprised me. He paid for my cappuccino. Showed me around. Went to the mall. Went home to his place. He kissed me. It was nice he said he was cleaning all day yesterday. Thats the day before i came. So it would be nice there. We went to the supermarket he was nice. What ever i wanted to eat we can get it. And he did. 2 pizza a coffee iced. Whent to his place he spoke with his mother in italy over skype and introduced me to his family not only his mother but when his father showed up he wanted him to see me to. Then we watched a movie. We was going to sleep. And ended up having sex. And when we were or i was sucking he said that he loved me " i love you baby" i didnt beleave it. Thought ok if he says it tomorrow i might beleave it. The next day came. Meet him after work. We went and took a cappuccino and eat some somewhat expensive food. I mean its a resturant. The server came with the bill seperate. I was about to pay. And he took the bill. The entire bill. Whent to the mall he bought 2 movies. On the way home to him. He could see that something was bothering me. I said it was something at home. Went and came to his place he tried to make me laught and put on a turkish hat. And i laught and he put it on my head and i laught. And he said you are going to the store with that. ( thats what he said and did to make me feel better.) he gave me his jacket to have on for the store trip because my cloths were wet from the rain. My hooded sweatshirt. He cleaned my clothes and put them in the dryer afterwards.We watched one of them. In all secracy when he was reading something. Some news or something in italian. I wrote on the card while watching him. I wrote " have a happy birthday. Enjoy your family. With love. And thank you for making my sunshine. Kisses. " watched the movie. Took a shower at his place. He gave me some of his cloths to have on me. Forgot in a hurry to pack. Cloths. When we were going to sleep again he turned of the lights. And yeah. We ended up having sex again. Had sex. And at the end when i just sucked him a little. He said it again. I love you baby. And when we were both done. We were suposed to go to sleep and i gave him the card.( he was going to italy. Celebarting with the family.) he looked at this card and read it carefully and looked at me and said i havent gotten one of this in a long time. Thank you. And his kissed me. That was that day. Could not sleep all that night. Explain at the end of this text. Story.) he woke up and he looked at me. He started to get ready. He gave me his pants so i could go outside needed to buy cigarettes. When i got back he oppened the door for me. Its looked by it self. Came in and he looked at me with big eyes. Kissed me an said i have to go. Bella and gave me a hug. And he left his keys to his place with me said " just leave the keys in my mailbox when you leave. You can stay as long as you want." he was going to italy. I dont think he heard me when he was going so what i said there was i love you. I wrote him on facebook from his place his pc. " i forgot to tell you something importent. I love you. And rhank you for a wonderful time with you. While i wa crying. Then i took the backpack he said i could borrow. And left. Left his keys in the mail box. I mean for all he knew i could have taken them. Stolen tings etc. i saw him downtown tonsberg to but i hid myself so he didnt see me. I think it was him. Looked like it. And feelt like it. Went to the train station called my friend from a pay phone. My cell phone was out of power. She meet me i cried in here arms and she comforted me. Best friend in the world. I mean she was there for me. That made me love here and see what a really true friend she was and still is for me and that i know she will be there with me for a true life time. And she made me appriciate here even more. Now. The reason i didnt sleep that night. And even cried silently right next to him while he was sleeping. I feelt that i should leave him. Even thought how much i really love him. And i was thinking about it all night. What can you say out of all this. This acts by him.? Do you think he meant it? By i love you? I mean it was during oral performance..... The same happened to my friend here guy saying it during sex the first times..... The first times he said to here i love you. But i know he meant about to here. And he still loves here even though she cheated on him. ( still togheter those two btw) but in my case. What can you say about this? From all he did do you think he loves me? I meant it when i said it to him outside of sex. Another guy that i know loves me said just. " be carefull. You are just his sugardaddy" he want something from you" he is using you" but what do you think? Im not a psychologist and cant read human behavior. He said i will write you from italy. And he sent me a text message when he was in london waiting for the next flight to cicily. Saying " baby im in stansted london waiting for my leng plane to cicily. Ciao bella." so what do you think?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The respons btw to the facebook message was " thank you baby. And thank you for coming it was nice having you here in tonsberg.seeing you after work. I love that card. See you soon"

What do you think?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello! It's good to talk with you again.

It sounds like he does love you. Your description of his behavior doesn't give any contradictory actions. He seems consistent no matter what. The fact that he says he loves you just during sex may mean that he feels shy about saying it otherwise. Some men do, because it means commitment. He may feel it's early in the relationship so he wants to wait for a special time.

At this point, the relationship is developing. Both of you are learning about each other and seeing what works for you. I did see signs of trust there. He left you to travel and let you keep his keys, use his things and stay as long as you liked. That means he feels he can trust you. Trust and honesty are essential for the foundation of a good and solid relationship so this is a good sign. If he trusts you already, that means he feels he is connected with you and that he wants that connection with you. He wants to show you that he trusts you, especially since he made a point to say "stay as long as you like". That means he feels open and safe with you.

Even though this is all good signs that you relationship is going very well, take it slow. Keep building on what you have. Rushing things can make it fall apart. You want to add to what you have in a meaningful way, by taking your time to get to know each other and be sure you build trust and love with each other.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry for the late accept. I think you are right. He has now been in italy a week and im going to him nect week. The only problem i have is trusting him for some reason. I dont know if this is why my head remembers getting hurt in the past but. The only thing that bothers me is this website he is on. That i dont trust him doesnt mean i dont love him. And i have this smal time periods where i feel i can trust him completely but then its back to not trusting fully i dont know what to do about this. My only fear is that he is gonna sleep with others. Any idea what i can do about this?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It depends on the website he is on. If he is talking to other women or doing anything that can be considered cheating, then there is reason for you to feel as you do. But if it's just a general website and there are no indications he is doing anything wrong, then it may be that you feel insecure based on your past experiences.

If there is no reason to mistrust him, then dealing with your own feelings is important. You do not want to jeopardize your relationship based on your past feelings. One of the best things to do is to recognize that you feel insecure based on your feelings and not what your boyfriend is doing. Building your ability to trust comes with time. Take your relationship slowly. By moving too fast, you can feel out of control. Also, learn more about insecurity and trust issues. Here are some sites to help:

http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-trust-issues.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Crucial-and-Surprising-Steps-to-Build-Trust-in-a-Relationship&id=2136

By learning about trust and insecurity, you can know what to look for in yourself and in him.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi again :) just felt that i needed to write you. things are a little strange. i don't no longer know what he feels. we have spent every single week together. last week i was at his place the whole week went home for two days and went back for the weekend to him again. got home on tuesday. the thing is i didn't ask him if i could come those times. it was him. and he don't use nicknames anylonger but he does touch me in funny ways and makes me smile and enjoy all the time. but he asked were we are and i saw his insecurity on his face right before i was about to open totally up but when i saw his insecurity in hidd my feelings again and said it's a question mark. wich i don't mean. the issue i had with the site is long gone now. but i'm now afraid it's going to bad. since he asked me that. i have asked him if he wanted to contiue or just end what we are doing sometime when he came with his insecurity last month. and that he didn't want to answer on... i have strong feelings for him. i feel it's right. but i'm not sure about him. what can i do to heal this? because i don't even know what it was that happend that turned him into insecure. actually when i this about it i gave some comment on what i thought this person in a picture looked like. and that might be when this mess started. i'm desperate. i don't know what i can do. to see if he has feelings for me or not.? if he didn't it would be strange that he wantd me there for over a week..... is there any body language anyway to know? based on actions ot etc.? i mean what i see is that he touch me gives me a big hug everytime we meet and he said that some dishes he only makes with me. and one thing i couldn't get was when he served that "special food" he called it romantic.... so is there any way to see if he has feeling for me or not? any body language?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello! It's nice to talk with you again.

 

It sounds like you are scared and he is scared. He may be picking up on your insecurity and that is what triggers his own.

 

From what you describe with his behavior, it sounds like he really cares for you a lot. He touches you, hugs you and makes time to be with you. That is the body language of someone who cares a lot. He is also insecure about your relationship which means he cares. He would not show these things if he did not love you. He would instead not touch you or want to spend time with you. If you made the comment about the picture, he would have ignored it. So he is showing you all of the signs that he really cares and wants to be with you.

 

What will help is the both of you talking to each other. One of you has to take the risk and say what you really feel and share it. I would talk with him and tell him that you want to be with him. Let him know that you care about him and only him. Then see what he says. It is a risk, but from what you said, it sounds like both of you have a wonderful relationship and that you care deeply for each other. Only your fears, and his, stand in the way.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i agree totally with you. i have been terivle over a month of showing myself and what i have for him because it's alot. i mean just a couple of minutes ago i wanted to watch a movie i saw with him. but i desided not to because i feel i only want to watch it with him. i remember he calling me coco channel when we watched it together.we watched the movie coco channel about the brand. but how can i just open up totally without holding back? i have all my life been careful about my feelings because of all the hurt. but i do feel the risk is worth taking totally thank you for answering i knew i could rely on you :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You may just have to start by saying that you care for him very deeply. Then let him respond. The two of you may need to do this together and share at the same time.

I am always happy to talk with you!

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi kate. now i don't know what to do. i'm starting to wonder if this is a reletionship or not. he now posted on this dating site that he is looking to rent a room with someone (rent a room in some girls house) what should i do?

i today opend up completaly. told him that i have been missing him when he was gone in a child hood friends wedding this week. that i wish i was with him now. wel the last one i got a respond to. quote " oh sweetheart" but the missing part? no responds

i mean we have been to gether like this i spent a week with him a week home a week with him and so on. what should i do? this bothers me and makes me question that he love me. and that we even have a relationship what can i do? i'm starting to get desperate. i allmost asked out another man... i'm afraid because this post threathens me. but i love him and care fore him deepely

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry that this has happened. It still can mean nothing. It depends on his reaction to what you say to him.

The part about him looking for a roommate in another girl's home is a little unsettling. It could mean anything though. Many people live in close quarters and never do anything but be polite to each other. As long as his roommate is male, then it's probably fine.

His response to your text is not really forthcoming. That needs to be clarified. The fact that the two of you are still with each other so much helps. He would be pulling away if things were bad. But at this point you do need to clarify things with him. By communicating face to face you can find out not only what he has to say but what his reaction is physically. If he makes eye contact, if he seems honest, etc. Tell him how you feel and let him explain. That will tell you a lot.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

if this had happend to you what would you think?

should i date another man? i mean just give up.

i'm really afraid of my feelings

any tequnics i can use on him?

how can i tell a lie from the truth?

sorry for all the questions but i'm dying i mean drowning

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

A lot depends on what you feel. You have to trust your gut feeling. If he seems to be avoiding answering your questions, won't look you in the eye, backs off being with you and offers excuses those are usually signs that something is wrong. It doesn't mean he wants to break up, but it is a sign that some action needs taken.

Other than that, if he doesn't show these signs that it could be that you feel insecure and that is making you feel bad about things. If you feel that is the problem, then therapy may help you find out why you feel as you do and help you cope with it so it doesn't interfere in your relationship. I would not give up. You deserve to have a good relationship. It is just a matter of finding out why you feel this way (whether it is you or him causing it) and resolving it.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you kate. Can i keep you pdated if more should happen? Thank you. Havent sleept for over 24 hours now so need some sleep badly good night kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Definitely! Let me know how it goes. I hope you sleep very well tonight! :)

Kate

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