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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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I needed to take the wheelchair to go shopping at the mall

Resolved Question:

I needed to take the wheelchair to go shopping at the mall with my son, age 19, as I
have a painful rheumatic disease. When it comes to my kids I usually do the best I can despite my handicap. I was telling my friend that it was a bit of a stretch for me, I hated the experience (crowded due to the holiday) and was afraid of picking up any germs.
(due to my immunosuppressive medications). Well I survived it, but it was unpleasant and difficult. My friend said it was not good and I shouldn't have done it. I understand what she is saying, so that means I shouldn't have done it? Can't it be looked at two ways? 1. Ok I'm disabled and it was difficult but I did it and should be proud. Or 2.
Don't be stupid and put yourself in a difficult situation again for your kids, because it compromises your own well being, just say no, I can't walk and am in too much pain, you need to go without me... I cam see both sides... She thought it was bad that I pushed myself. An opinion , insight would be greatly appreciated...
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
What is important here is the ability to freely choose what you think is best for you.

If you said yes due to fear, then it may or may not have been the right choice, but for sure it was the wrong motivation.

If you can't say no and mean it, that is a problem.

If you had mixed feelings but, 'want to' out weighed 'don't want to' and you freely chose to go, then, even though it was uncomfortable, you did what you thought was best.

No matter what, it is a good thing you have a friend who cares about your wellbeing.

Only you can choose what is most important to you in any given situation.

Sorry that you are limited by this illness. Hoping the very best for you.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for response. I said yes because I wanted to help him. I don't think I said it out of any kind of fear. I just wanted to be there for him and help him out. I was in too much pain the day before and asked him if we could go the following day, and so we did. I even told him I had to take the wheelchair, and he was ok with it.I do not feel taken advantage of, but don't think he understands the magnitude of my disease either, but I don't hold that against him. I do have difficulty saying no to my kids, that's true although my teen boys are not really spoiledAnd they never take advantage of me. They know I have limitations but couldn't possibly know what it's like, or the magnitude of it. I must say that my other son, 17 year old boy is perceptive and can see that despite my suffering I am very determined. Going was a toss up between stretching my health limits or being there for him. Based on my reasons, what is your opinion about my motive for going? And yes thank you, XXXXX XXXXX a good friend...
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
You only live once and you only have kids once and sometimes you just have to put everything aside including pain and suffering and be there for and with your kid. I think you did the right thing for the right reason. I agree with you they can't comprehend what it is like for you. I am sure you have to say no a lot just like you did the day before. Sometimes you just have to say yes even though it may not be the most practical choice especially from the perspective of others. Part of having this disability is making choices based on the best of the bad, or which is less bad. Sorry for the tough choices that are forced onto you with this illness.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
Mark Manley and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Great answer
I am very impressed
Thank you for empathy too
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Thanks for the complement.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
Mark Manley and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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