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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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kate ! I have eves rings now ! my question is they are interlocking

Customer Question

kate ! I have eves rings now ! my question is they are interlocking rings ! my thoughts are to give her both on Christmas eve: ( that way ! theres the fullaspect & family can see them together ! Q: I need your input & I was thinking it would be ok ! till the new year on Jan: 2nd ! ps: is this an ok idea & then she could wear the engagement ring till the wedding ! your thoughts please ! she is mansging her meds pretty well ! m
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Marvin,

 

It's so good to hear from you and know that you and Eve are so happy!

 

I think your idea is wonderful. The only glitch I could think of is how other people will react. They may see her rings and think she got married over the holiday. She may have to respond to a few inquires about it, but if you feel she won't mind, then go ahead and give her both. She always has the choice to just wear the rings at home too.

 

You may want to explain your thoughts up front to her so she understands that you will need the ring back until the wedding. But once she gets her engagement ring I don't think she will mind at all.

 

I am glad to hear her medication is working well for her. This has to be such a happy time for you both. Congratulations! And if I don't get to talk with you for the holiday, Merry Christmas.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I do think that separating the rings after the new year is fine. As long as she knows why, I think she won't mind. It sounds like a beautiful ring set!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate! I spoke with eve : last night ! she now wants to wait till after her checkup in April ! on the ring !we are to spend this Evening through ~ New Years with plans !PS: Q: What do I do? m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Do you mean she wants to wait to get engaged until after her check up in April? Is she worried about her health and that is why?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate! yes she told me that last evening! But ! she said she is leaving it up to me! ps: she is "Afraid" of going blind!!!!!!!!!!!! ps: Eve: (took her Mom out to dinner last Monday & tried to explain her condition with her Autoimmune problem) since she tried to explain it & her Mom ~ does not understand it! Eve: has really had a personally hard time , during this week! my Ultimate Q: is Kate !I feel I should go forward & give her the rings on Christmas Eve! Anyway ! or am I forching too~much "pressure" on her ? She told me last weekend she would have never called me on Monday eveing Nov : 28th ! If she would have Known !re: she had an Autoimmune disorder & could go blind within the next 1~2 years ! Kate : yes its her fact of going Blind ! ( she has told me that she goes to sleep & wakes up ! from nightmares ! re: about going blind !) which is a normal human concern ! She is also concerned about ! S.O.M. ( STATE OF MIND) as the MEDS; shes on can alter the mind & also the meds; she is on shut down a persons immune system & make them many times more suspectile to Illness & even Cancer ! She would not be eligible for a eye transplant! Re: her Immune systume is fighting against her eyesight ! Kate : Eve had two major events at 5 years old she had Measels & was in the Hospital @ a temp of 108 degrees ! & they thought she was going to die!& then again at 7 years old with Chicken pox! again they felt she was going to die ! ps: I personally brought it up to XXXXX @ U of M ~ Eye center last January ! he said thats the Answer ! Eve: has been exposed to a Virus ! as a child more than once ! your thoughts ! Kate ! thank You ! m
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate : your thoughts ! m
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate: Eve shared with me last evening ! she wants to spend this evening @ her apartment & I plan to spend the night on Christmas Eve: together ! & have dinner there together ! which is fine with me ! "m"
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate: your thoughts !m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Thanks Marvin for your response.

 

If you want to give her the rings on Christmas Eve I think it's a good idea to do so. It sounds like Eve is feeling that going blind means she can't burden you or she would feel guilty. She may also think that going blind means her life is over. That may be why she is trying to put you off of proposing to her. But proposing to her and reassuring her that you love her through better or worse may be just what she needs to hear.

 

I understand Eve's fear. She is reacting in a very normal way. The possibility of going blind would frighten anyone because everything in the world is geared for people who see. Blindness means adjusting to a whole new life. But the main fear is the loss of control that blindness represents. Feeling out of control of her life may be motivating Eve to try to gain some control now so she feels more normal.

 

I hope she is willing to talk to a therapist about how she feels. It's vital she has a chance to work out her fear. She may also want to look into services for the blind when she feels ready to, so she is prepared and knows what to expect.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
kate; Eves Specialists feels we ! Quote ! we caught it early ! Kate i am going to Quote "play it by ear " & i am still leaning towards giving her the ring on Christmas eve: (tommorrow night) ps: your thoughts : again have been the same as mine! the meds; she is on are the ones used for lupus & Organ transplants ! In other words they are immune supresionates! Which makes the body more prone to everything from Colds~Cancer! UndecidedWhich makes it hard to go forward taking them & balancing your diet &some must be taken with food & some without ! eve : told me she has to watch the clock for timing !Kate your thoughts please !m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I agree, if you feel Christmas Eve will work then go ahead. I think Eve is experiencing a great upheaval in her life right now and maybe be unsure about how to feel. She is possibly facing blindness and she is on some strong medication. She is probably feeling very confused, upset and scared. She may want to put off the engagement because of the reasons we talked about plus all the stress she is experiencing. But an engagement is good news and though she may be hesitant, your reassurance will go a long way in making her feel better. Just be sure to be supportive and reassure her and she should begin to feel better.

 

Kate

 

P.S. It is good that the doctor feels they caught Eve's problem early. This gives her some hope!

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate! I think I should express the matter of finding this condition early to Eve! I still think I should give her the ring on Christmas eve: I feel it lets her know I support her in this matter! your thoughts ? m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I agree with you. Reassuring her is exactly what she needs now. She also needs some way to feel more in control and your reassurance will do that. And giving her the ring will tell her that you have all the confidence in the world that you can cope with whatever she is going through. Basically, it says that you are with her, no matter what.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate ! I share the same thoughts as you ! Ps: we just visited on the phone for 45 minutes ! eve: finished her gft wrapping & is doing well ! m

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That's great she's doing so well. Best wishes for tomorrow! I'm sure Eve will be thrilled. She is a lucky gal.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate Thank You ! ps: Everyone tells us we are a Complimentary couple !to each other & others as well ! m

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome!

 

Kate

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