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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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I had a lot of bad habits when I was a teenager and I take

Resolved Question:

I had a lot of bad habits when I was a teenager and I take great pride in not doing those habits anymore. Although I can say with absolute certainty that I don't have these same bad habits to the degree that I used to, sometimes I am afraid that when I get so busy and stressed out and don't have time to think and observe every little minute thing that I say and do that I might incidentally and without realizing it do some of these bad habits to a small extent. For example, my maid just recently quit and her reason seemed a little weird and didn't make sense. Therefore, I am now haunted with the question: Did I do or say something without realizing it? That's just one example, but I have been haunted with similiar questions before. What do you recommend that I can do in order not to have this problem? Thank you for your assistance.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Do you have anyone in your life, that knows you well, and that you can ask sensitive questions to, and you trust they will give you honest feedback even if it is painful?
Looking forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No. I asked my family and they don't understand. They think that I care what people think about me and I know for certain that is not true. They don't understand that what bothers me is the issue of whether or not I did something wrong. I realize that not everybody is going to like me and that's o.k. AS LONG AS I CAN BE CERTAIN THAT I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG LIKE MY OLD HABITS. I have also asked a lot of pastors but they avoid my question. You know how it is; there are a lot of so-called pastors that are not Christians at all. Thank you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
I think I could be of better service to you if you provide me with more information.

What is your gender, age, employment, living arrangement, history of relationships, previous bad habits,
and anything else that would help me to know you better.

Thanks in advance for the requested information.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Male, 42, auditor for a home health agency, rent, unattached, and I used to laugh about anything and have the giggles, I used to like kidding around too much, I used to like repeating things and talking about the same subject over and over and over and over again.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
I think you need to forget about your old bad habits and believe you are someone others want to be around. My sense is you are more disconnected from others than is most healthy for you. You need to get out and socialize and date. If in the process you experience a lot of discomfort and you want to avoid the process you would do well to get your self a relationship coach. Also have you ever been evaluated for obsessive compulsive disorder?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Mark
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No, what is obsessive compulsive disorder?
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Obsessive compulsive disorder has to do with having recurring thoughts or behaviors, that don't make sense, but you can't stop even when you try. For example believing you left the door unlocked and having to return home multiple times to check it, even though you just checked it five minutes ago. In your case believing you are doing something wrong when there is no evidence that you are.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't know if I have that. All I can say is that for example in the case of my maid quitting, I try to remember as many days as I possibly can to see if I may have said or did something. I say to myself thinking out loud "O.K. she worked here for 21 months. Let me try to remember as best as I can going month by month and see if I may have said or did anything that may have offended her." If I can go through each month and say with absolute certainty that I never did nor said anything offensive, then I will be all-right. But if there is even an inkling or possibility that I may have said or did something that may have even been remotely offensive or something that could go either way or something that I cannot remember the details of, then I will be haunted by the question: Did I say or do something offensive like my old bad habits?
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
The fact that she worked for you for 21 months says that she wasn't too uncomfortable with the situation. I think you are being way too hard on your self. No body is perfect including you. People change positions for many reasons and most of them probably have nothing to do with you. I will stick with the recommendations above regarding expanding your social life. If you find that these concerns continue with out relief and cause difficulty in your work or social or physical functioning, I would suggest that you consult a psychologist to be evaluated for an anxiety disorder such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder mentioned above.

If you become perfect none of the rest of us will be able to relate to you, and worse yet you may end up being put to death as Christ was.

Be your best self, but cut your self some slack, because you are only human like the rest of us.

Best of success to you.
Sincerely,
Mark Manley

Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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