How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Suzanne Your Own Question

Suzanne
Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
32195369
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Suzanne is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hey, Im really stuck on something and am hoping to obtain a

Resolved Question:

Hey, Im really stuck on something and am hoping to obtain a little advise from 1) an expert and 2) hopefully a female since this problem Im having is with the opposite sex...

My question is: Is there anyway to salvage a huge mistake like being clingy after a first date?

Now I know that this is a deal breaker for sure and Im definatly getting that reaction from her. We met on an online dating site and I am 10 years older than her and am successful in my career and make an above average income and she is a fourth year med student who is also ambitious and successful.

She sought me out and made the initial contact and our connection was amazing. Within one week, we were talking/texting every day and went out of our first date wihich was a very nice evening.

I have been single for six years and have never had feelings for someone like this but a couple of times in my life. Im not by any means a desperate, boring, or clingy person as Ive been very happy being single and am in peace with myself..

Anyway..heres what happened. I lost my mind! Emotions over took all logical thinking and I suddenly found myself with extreme anxiety and depression when she stopped talking to me and I didnt eat or sleep for several days. I noticed that she was reading my emails but never replying to them and the more she ignored the worse the aniety got which made
every message I sent thereafter more and more rediculous.

After about a week I did finally hear back from her saying she was just busy and to slow down. I did send two more messages after that appologizing to her and told her I really dont know what got into me and that I just really liked her..

I finally just stopped all contact...I was planning on just leaving her alone for a couple of weeks and defintaly until after the holidays and maybe check in on her? Or should I just never contact her and take the stance that if she is intersted then she will eventually contact me? And if I do contact her, what do i say to not make myself look anymore rediculous than I already feel?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for bringing your question to JustAnswer.

 

Telling a person who's just met you that your behavior is uncharacteristic of you doesn't hold much weight. Your behavior is all she has to go on.

 

I would wait until after the holidays, then call her up and ask her out as you would any other woman. Rather than telling her that the incident is out of character, demonstrate it by a normal date, and not sending another email or text until you have her reply from the previous one. Don't go into a big explanation, and stop telling her you really like her. It's too soon. Remember, she doesn't know that you stopped eating and sleeping (hopefully you didn't tell her that!) All you did that she knows is that you sent multiple emails without waiting for her reply first.

 

She's a med student....there are fewer busier people on earth. Make sure you can handle a relationship where communication may be infrequent.

 

And honestly, your reaction (not eating or sleeping) suggests that while you may be very secure in your career, and function well on your own--something about this girl is triggering something in you from your past. When a person's reaction is way out of proportion to the actual situation, it means a past hurt is being triggered. If you want to have the best chance with this girl, assuming she accepts the second date, it would be in your best interest to book a few sessions with a therapist to see why your reaction was so over the top. Here's a therapist directory to help you find someone to figure this out with: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

 

Make the date by phone, if at all possible, to negate anymore overwhelming her with emails/texts. She asked you to slow down, not go away, so that leaves the door open for one more chance.

 

 

Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
Suzanne and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Suzanne
Suzanne
Therapist in Private Practice
580 Satisfied Customers
LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.