thank you for your post. I guess I should just accept that it doesn’t make me happy to socialize, especially until I feel stronger, and I shouldn’t put myself through the internal dialogue that always ends with high anxiety
. I think my answers will simply be no this Christmas, without too much thinking, and just concentrate on enjoying the children enjoying Christmas, and make sure they are happy and do what they want to do. They are both excited, it’s so good to see.
As afore mentioned, Dave’s sister wants us all to go up after Christmas for her 70th on the 27th. We have always gone up just after Christmas, but for the last 2 years, when I wasn’t well enough for it. I have persuaded the others to go, but Dave didn’t want to be bothered without me. I will try to get D to go this year, maybe P will want to go to see her cousins, but that thought scares me too. Maybe I’ll check out the trains, I’d feel a little safer with his history of falling asleep at the wheel. I’m sure Sam won’t want to go- it’s his and his gfs anniversary on the 27th and they have plans.
I’ve heard from JA today, but still no joy- ‘ I apologize for any inconvenience but I will need to escalate your ticket to our administrative department. You will receive an email when they reply. Thank you for your patience.’ Patience is getting thinner! If you have an answer for me tonight I can pay by adding a bonus?
Sam is very down on himself today. I wasn’t up this morning, (though Dave was... miracles!) so he was up late for work and had to go without his shower. That means a lot to him. He was cross with someone in the kitchen not being the most pleasant, and was hurrying to get finished so that he could get home quickly. He was drying a carving knife, not concentrating, and cut his little finger deep, bleeding heavily. He was sat down, attended to and made a fuss of, which he hated, he said he felt such a fool. And then he was brought home by a staff member before he could complete his shift (he knew I couldn’t pick him up) When he got home he realised he’d not been paid for one of his shifts, and he had too much studying to do to go to his gf’s. So not a good day. We had a chat about the counselling and his CAMHs appointment this week. He said all this isn’t helping him feel better about himself. I did my best to help him understand it would help in the end. Poor Sam, I’m sad for him.
Well I’m glad the day is through; I have been proper poorly last night and all day today with severe abdominal pains and sickness. I was feeling unwell yesterday, but this was a surprise. I have just got up and had half a cup of tea and a couple of digestive biscuits (yes, I thought of you and your children!) but I am extremely weak and dehydrated. Boy, did I feel ill. I thought over and over, should I call the doctor, should I call an ambulance, but I just hoped it would go away. Dave was caring for a while before he went out at lunchtime, was keen to help me. He offered to make a call, but didn’t take control. Knowing that I would have been taken to the ward which I worked on, knowing all the girls, is what stopped me calling. But I seem to be getting better, so hope to sleep easy tonight! Poppy was afraid of me being ill, and didn’t like to hear me. She went to a friends house for the afternoon, good choice, but Dave severely laid into her for leaving me alone.
Another glass of water and a snooze I think,
I'm supposed to be giving K some feedback from our sessions this week. I made a start yesterday, but seem to have ground to a halt. I still have 2 days. What would be beneficial to talk about do you think?