Hi Kathy, it's good to hear from you.
It is always hard to adjust to the loss of support. Not seeing your therapist twice a week will be a loss. That takes time to get used to, just as you said. Tapering off very slowly may help. Finding ways to let go one small step at a time can help. You may want to start seeing her for shorter and shorter periods of time for the second session (kind of strange I know with only 30 minutes as it is but it can help). Then move to a phone call at your usual time. Then quit. It helps to know that you still have that contact until you feel ready to let go.
Your experience with the knife and your fear around it is very normal. You have PTSD. Fear of anything related to your attack is going to stay with you until you can slowly replace the memories of the attack with new memories. Right now, you are able to think about it some, write the word and talk to your therapist about it so you are dealing with your feelings very well. That is good progress. Yes, it does seem extremely slow and frustrating. But if you try to move on it too fast, you will re traumatize yourself. That is how PTSD works for anyone who has it.
You do have control of your life. You are pushing forward and overcoming your attack. Where you are may not be at the level you were before, but most people have things happen in life that takes them back a few steps. Injuries, deaths and personal tragedies. You had a particularly hard set back but you are making huge progress towards recovery.
It is ok to take a break too. You may want to try stepping back for a little while. Instead, do something that reminds you of when you were younger. Spend a day having fun. Play video games, visit a park, play in water, or visit a candy store. Lose yourself for a bit. It can help when you change directions for a while. It gives you and your emotions a break. And you may find it helps you next time you are in therapy because you can come at it refreshed.
Thanks for your response. Your support really helps me during the tough times and especially the time between my sessions with my therapist.
On the weekends, my daughter keeps me pretty busy. We always try to do fun stuff together. We have a very tight bond which I am greatful for. We go to the movies, play board games, walk the dogs, go shopping, etc. She is a great distraction for me. A good one and I love spending time with her.
It's good to get another opinion on my progress as I do not always see it. I see mountains and mountains of hard work ahead of me and sometimes that makes me feel defeated and I don't feel as strong as I think I should be.
You're welcome! I am glad you are feeling better. Anytime you need me, I'm here.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young woman. What a blessing she is.