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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
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Hi Kate

Customer Question

Hi Kate
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi Rose, I 'm here if you want to talk. It seems like it was quite a morning again on JA!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

I just wanted to get back in, I can't access the last Q again. I did ask another Q, but somehow it's value was £40, so I took it away. But I have been granted my sub back, not sure from when, I'll let you know.

I'll be OK again soon :)

Rose

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Sounds good.

 

Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Do you want to use this thread in the meanwhile?

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

I don't like starting new questions. I've lost the plot! (not hard) Like I say, t'other won't let me in, they seem to jam up quicker for me. Still can't get in. Never mind. Yes, this one is good. Sorry about the other Q, I would love to pay you £40, but I know you don't get that, I'd rather pay a bonus, but that is infuriating me still. I'm still waiting for my sub to be turned back on. It's taking an age.

I really have lost the plot. I think I mentioned talking to my Mum, and I was quite frank with her about D. She (hehe!) said he'd better move out into one of his caravans. I was thinking later how ironic that would be if he did- he was living in a caravan when I met him, after his partner moved him out!!. Anyway, how did I feel. I have moved past trying to cover up for him, tell white lies to keep his profile up, defend him. Now I feel free to tell people who ask (and only if they ask) how it is. I guess I feel liberated, comfortable, able. There is little point in pretense, I feel there is little point in trying anymore.

You may have read the other Q that I closed earlier. Yesterday Sam was in a really hyper mood, he said he loved feeling so happy and excited without a particular reason. He has been very 'up' lately, for a few days, though has also been quick tempered. A sudden thought hit me yesterday as he said that, and I could do with reading about it maybe, but how do Psychs diagnose bipolar? And how quickly do the ups change to the downs; are there usually reasons for the change in mood?

Sam has gone to stay with his gf. I wonder what she thinks. Did I tell you that his tutor emailed yesterday to say Sam has agreed to another counselling appointment, and she will mail me again when the appt comes through.

D missed another dentist appointment today. It was the replacement for the one he missed a few weeks ago. That'll be ANOTHER £60. He's out with his Morris/musician buddies tonight, was home for half an hour before back out again. He hadn't checked the ponies yet again, the only thing I had asked him to do today. I shall wake him early tomorrow, up with the rest of us!

Til later

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi Rose,

 

It's so nice to talk with you! I am sorry you have experienced such a mess with your account. Hopefully, they will work it all out soon and you and I can go back to normal.

 

I am so impressed by you. When we started talking way back when, you couldn't imagine facing others knowing what was going on at home. You felt overwhelmed and ashamed. Today, a whole different story. You are able to tell your mom and anyone else who asks and put the blame for it all on Dave. I am amazed at your ability to turn this whole thing around and face your fears. Not that I doubted you, no way! But in such a short time you have gained so much self esteem and faced so much. You are incredible and inspiring.

 

Yes, I saw the question about Sam. A single spike in mood usually just means that a person is normal but may be experiencing some mood problems. Many people experience good feelings including spikes in behavior.

 

The signs for adolescent onset Bipolar are:

 

Decreased need for sleep- sleeping up to 6 or less hours but not tired in the morning

 

Hypersexuality- showing signs of sexual activity, ignoring social norms by sleeping with anyone, frequent sexual contact, talking about sex a lot even if they have not been sexually abused or active sexually before.

 

Elation-laughing without reason, giddy, silly no matter what is happening in their life

 

Flight of ideas- jumping from one topic to the next without reason

 

Depression- including suicidal ideation or even attempts

 

For Sam to have Bipolar with mania, he would need to cycle very quickly through his moods during one day. If you think he may have signs, mention it to his counselor when he does go. They can screen him when they do the evaluation.

 

Good for you waking Dave up early. He has chores to get to doesn't he?Wink

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate,

I am smiling broadly. Yes, so good to talk to you. Oh, thank you for your praise of me! I hadn't thought of it as such a milestone, but I guess you're right! So that means my self esteem is improving...wow!

Sam has been quite tiring lately, not been able to settle to any studying, and easily angered, but I don't see a rapid cycle within a day. I will observe him with that in mind.

YES! Dave will have LOTS of chores to get to tomorrow. He can't keep living his life so far away if he wants to stay here much longer! ;)

Goodnight Kate, I'm pleased to feel more settled with JA tonight.

Til tomorrow

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome Rose. You deserve all the praise in the world.

 

Let me know how it goes with Sam. If you wouldn't mind sharing, I'd like to know what they diagnose him with when he goes to therapy.

 

I'd love to see the look on Dave's face tomorrow morning. You go girl!

 

Good night, Rose.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Morning Kate,

Got an appointment with the bank manager this morning... groan... she called me up last week. I'll blame it all on Dave :) Then, I'm having my hair cut- I hope they can straighten out my DIY- it's a long overdue trim.

Dave had his coffee bright and early, but didn't stir til the phone rang for him at 8am. He couldn't pretend he was still sleeping then!

Of course I'll share Sam with you, in minute detail no doubt!

See you later

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I hope it all goes well. A new haircut can sometimes make you feel so much better!

 

Talk to you soon,

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello Kate,

All went well thanks, and I didn't feel too anxious. My bank manager is Malaysian, not met her before. But boy, could she talk! You'd have fun in therapy with her. As soon as she heard I was a nurse I heard all about NHS vs 3rd world, people complaining about waiting times, the list went on. Then she told me all about her lump, scan, what time her appointment was, how long she waited. Next it was the tap water, how good it tastes here, London water is undrinkable, and her hair is always so much nicer when washed in Exeter water!!! Then I knew that her husband is self employed, that he uses the loft as his office, hires a unit to store all his stock, and about the taxman; about her 12 year old son who hurt his ankle playing football, that they waited for 3 hours in the ED, watching people going in before her with chest pain, so glad they prioritize ... Good job I don't say much eh! But I'm a good listener. My appointment could easily have been 10 minutes, but it was more like half an hour. But she didn't slap my wrists for our overdrafts, she made some suggestions for a better way of managing them, which I was very grateful for.

I did a very little bit of Christmas shopping. It's beginning to bother me now, so I need to get on with it. And my hairdo was fine, too expensive, that's why I try a little DIY in between times. (Don't go looking for that pic to check it out now I've told you!!!)

I'm glad to be home. The kids have gone late night shopping with Mark and his daughters. Dave isn't home yet. I'm anxiously waiting- I really don't like being home alone with him. Is musician buddy phoned a little while ago to say there was a practice on tonight, but I'm not phoning the pub to tell him. So he may go out again, but I doubt he'll be in a fit state to drive up through the windy lanes to his house.

The kids were lovely together tonight. Sam had been upset bc he was hoping to get a lift back from town with Poppy and her friends. Poppy phoned him on her way back from school to say there wasn't enough room in the car for him. He was angry and hung up on her. After 5 minutes of raging and me trying to calm him with offers to pick him up from town, (but that's not fair on you mum- Sam, I'll do anything to make you happy) he felt guilty that he had blown Poppy off when it's not her fault. She came in sad and upset bc she wanted Sam to go with her, and he gave her the biggest make up hug, followed by lots of laughter and banter. I know I say it often, but it makes me feel warm and comfortable to know that they have a loving, sharing and caring relationship, and wonder what it would be like.....

Sam gave me a hug in the supermarket this afternoon. I wondered to myself whether I was nice, but I must be doing something right! I know it's absurd, but what can people like about me? There doesn't seem to be much to me, I'm quiet, introverted. I think people still like me, but I'm not sure why. Sorry, silly thoughts! (you have them all :))

Gone 7pm, still no sign of D. I'm going into hiding!

I'm still waiting for my sub to be restarted. So I'm just chatting. I'll let you know when were up and running (we'll have to run fast to catch up!!)

Rose
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yaaaaay! I've added a bonus, at last. I'm happy happy. :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose, you are just so funny. Thank you! I was "loling", as my kids say, to your response the JA situation. And no, I won't go looking for your DIY picture, though that is tempting...

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You sound like you have one of those signs on your forehead, as I call it. The sign says talk to me anytime about anything! Some people have them and it sounds like you are one of them. I think you answered your own question about what people like about you, at least in part. People love to be heard and you hear them. Plus you understand them. You get the deeper feelings, the touching moments, the heartbreak and all the emotions most people either avoid or have no way to understand or share. You are a caring and deep person. So many people are not able to do what you do Rose. You see into souls and care about people. That is a rare gift.

 

And you are smart. Amazingly so, though I imagine you will deny it, being humble as well. But you have survived a tough life and still raised beautiful and caring children who love you and each other. You are a nurse, no easy task, and you are growing by leaps and bounds everyday as a person. You don't just settle with who you are or your circumstances. Even in your fear, you reach out and ask for help. A sure sign of strength.

 

I enjoy the heck out of our talks and I hope someday soon you will see what I see in you- a fun, caring and wonderful person.

 

I am hoping you get some time tonight away from Dave. It sounds like you are pulling away from him a bit at a time each day. Letting him be responsible for his schedule and his actions is a great step. He needs to stop avoiding the consequences of his actions by dumping them on you. Good for you.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate,

Dave came home just before you replied. He was eating his (cold) supper, and wanting to know the ins and outs of my day, at the bank etc (did you ask her how dare they lose thousands of our £s when the banks crashed 2 years ago!!....you know Dave by now (we have savings, but lost out like everyone else in the stocks and shares, but he HATES this fact, and I'll never hear the last of it)) When he came in the door I was on the phone making an appointment with a chiropractor (I'll try anything..), and he wanted to know who, why, what. I didn't tell him!! Changed the subject, and he forgot after that.

So, oh yes, your reply. I clicked to view your reply, and read your first line quickly which brought a rapid smile to my face... uh oh... 20 questions about what am I smiling about, share it, if it's funny then I will enjoy it. I declined. What is it, who are you talking to. I said it's my business, but he pressed me. I said she's my therapist, he had to accept that, but not who he was thinking. :) :)

Kate, thank you so much for your lovely response, I'm smiling with comfort and contentment. And I am alone again. 20 minutes and he was gone.

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome Rose. I meant every word and I hope you'll take that in.

 

Dave doesn't like boundaries, does he? Trying to control you and you wouldn't let him. It must feel so good to set those boundaries and not let him through. You are your own person now.

 

Enjoy your time!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yay. I am getting there aren't I. But if you hadn't said to me that I don't have to tell him if I don't want to, he would still be in control.

JA (Adam~)says the sub should be on for tomorrow. Talk then.

Goodnight Kate, I have absorbed your words and feel a nice comfy glow.

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If all I needed to do is tell you, then you are a quick study! It takes many people a lot more than that to absorb such an idea because it is not easy to hear. Facing an abusive situation is hard and it takes a lot of support and for some people, many steps back before you move forward.

 

I bet you will be so relieved when JA fixes your subscription. What a mess that was!

 

Good night Rose. It's good to know you are feeling happy.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I am feeling happy tonight Kate, you have made me happy, and my children have made me happy. I like it very much. :)

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

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Now I am happy too, just to hear that!

 

Sweet dreams!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

in case you wondered, I am still having problems! I'm writing, but may not be able to post til later. Hope you are having a good day :)

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Thanks for letting me know. I hope it gets cleared up soon for you. Have a good rest of your day, too!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi again Kate,

I’ve changed my mind....JA say ‘Our records show that your subscription was successfully re-activated on 12/8/2011, 7:37:20 PM. Please allow the system to fully re-instate your subscription with-in 24 hours.’ That may be my time, or JA’s time, wait and see. I thought I’d post it here in case it doesn’t get sorted this evening, but I’m told I must only accept once per question (that’s why I was pulled up), so I’d better play by the rules. As soon as the sub is back on I’ll post and you could answer this on the new Q if you like.

I’ve spent the morning with my aunt. She was only kept in hospital overnight, and sent home alone the next day. She told me today that she didn’t even realise that she had been admitted- thought she was still in the ‘waiting’ area! She seems to have coped OK this week, there was no OT before discharge, and no word from the community. But the geri psych will do a home visit next Wed. I said would she like me to be there with her, she said what for? Curiosity killed the cat!! I gave her the option of one or two hours ‘doing’ for her this morning, she said, what’s all this about? Well how dirty am I? And I had a straight talk with her about her tax affairs, and arranged for my Dad and myself to go and sort it out with her on Monday. I’d forgotten that my Dad is also a LPA, he’s 87, but fully functional and good with affairs! Claire (JA UK Solicitor) said if she no longer has the mental capacity to deal with her affairs then we can take care of them without her consent. Fortunately she is now cooperating.

I arrived home, and Paul was waiting for me. He’d been doing a small job next door that I had co-ordinated, and I said I would be home for lunch if he wanted a cuppa. D was home, Paul groaned! So we endured a lunchtime with D, then he was off. D had been home all morning, going over an invoice for the third or more time, probably a whole day used up! He’s so not used to doing them himself. When we came in he was surfing the net. He told about a programme he’d watched this morning on the TV. That was a useful morning! He asked me to type up the invoices, which I did with him breathing down my neck. I made some comment about a job he’d done which involved moving furniture in his van. He charged only for labour. I said shouldn’t you charge for use of the van, fuel, etc? He said I’ll get more work on the back of it. I said well the bank is hungry now! Yes, so you have told me, lots of times! (maybe I shouldn’t tell him he’s about to have his card swallowed by the hole in the wall, see how he’d like that!)

I have missed a golden opportunity for an important discussion, but I wasn’t prepared for it.... He asked me how much was left in our savings (after me mentioning the bank balance), and I told him his ISA was £x, and then joint savings of £y. He said you have an ISA too, I said yes I do, but it’s mine. He said Are we still married or what? When I earn money I earn it for the family. I said so do I. But I could have opened a can of worms Kate, I could have had a field day!! I must write down what I could have said to him. Perhaps you could guide me? I need to be ready for next time. Did I tell you that last year he sold a tractor for £2k, (without asking me first) bought a load of drums with half of it, spent the rest, sold some of the drums, and continued to spend the rest!

He’s out now, no money earned today. I wonder what tonight will bring.

I'll be back later

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose,

 

I am sorry that JA is causing you so much trouble. I am not sure about their rule of accepting only one time per question. I know I've had other people accept more than once and I also know another expert that works with someone who accepts more than once per question. Maybe it was the length of our threads? I'm not sure.

 

It's fine to wait until the next new question if you want. I don't want to pile up too many answers on this thread then they start bugging you for accepts!

 

I am anxious to see what you would have said to Dave about the accounts!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate,

still no joy. This is what Adam told me..... 'In order to reinstate the account you will need to remember to only Accept once per conversation string.' and then he said the next day....There is no set limit to the number of questions that you can post, the issue with your account as stated has never been the number of questions it is merely the number of Accepts that you have clicked per question.

So I'm a little fed up now with it, I've paid my sub on the day they stopped it, so they've had it, and I can't use it. Sorry to winge.

We clock up a thread mighty quick don't we?!

I'll give it one more hour, then I'll sleep. :)

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

How frustrating! And very confusing too. Makes you wonder....

 

Maybe if they can't sort it out, you can ask for a supervisor and hope the person you working with isn't one!

 

We do run up our threads don't we? But it is so good that we do

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I was thinking of you today (more than usual). I got my Christmas Crackers from Amazon. I had to get a different kind than you because they were out by the time I ordered them. I think the toys are different (a pen, shoe horn, compass etc) but I think the kids will still love the experience. They were so excited just to see they came. Thank you for telling me about them.

 

Kate

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It is good Kate, so good, I love it. I'm so glad I met you and can talk with you every day.

Way to go Kate, Christmas crackers!! Happy happy! I hope they reach your expectations, we just couldn't have Christmas without them. I hope you'll join in a crossed arm chain to pull them all at the same time :)

I don't see what the problem is with the number of accepts vs questions. What difference does it make I wonder. I nearly asked Adam, but I didn't want to tempt fate.

Oh well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. D was home after we'd finished eating, then he brought his base drum and congas in and has been banging them for the last 2 hours. He'll be out 'playing'all day tomorrow while I do the running around, animals, chores. Hey ho.

Goodnight

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It is fun, isn't it?! It's going to be great to start a new tradition. And we'll pop them just as you suggested. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

Take care tomorrow and don't work too hard. I'll be thinking of you.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Morning Kate,

Just taking a breather while there is no rushing about to be done! Things have gone rather differently than planned as I had to abort my mission to get Sam to rehearsals. Poppy missed her lift to her orchestra, I had to take her before Sam's. Sam was becoming increasingly anti his day-long rehearsal, and by the time I'd dropped Poppy off he was becoming angry with me bc I wasn't responding to his declarations that he didn't want to go (his gf was in the car). He asked me why I was forcing him to go, he wasn't feeling well (car sick- family trait :() I said I couldn't force him to go, he was bigger than me, I couldn't make him do something he didn't want to. So, he won. He was upset with himself that he'd got so angry, apologised to his gf, and after I dropped her off, he hugged me and said thank you, he would do anything for me today to help me out. He said he didn't feel like going, he wouldn't enjoy it, not in the mood. I said you're making yourself in this mood, it's his choice to feel that way (nothing had upset him). But he's very happy that he hasn't gone, he's said several times how glad he is that he hasn't gone.

I let him drive home. He did fine, stalled it once with people behind when he tried to do a hill start. I had to wave them on, he gets more anxious if there are people behind. I was pleased that he was more confident than last time, and changed gears well. I let him drive up the hill home; he ran over a squirrel, didn't like that. I told him exactly how to drive into our yard, but unfortunately....... yes, he hit the wall- despite me saying brake! So we have a rather scuffed and grazed bumper, and a few bent bits! Hey ho!! Dave doesn't know yet.

But I'm not feeling too bright today, I think I did too much yesterday, and I'm not in too good shape. I'm fit for a snooze now before starting on the evening session!

Still no joy with my subscription. I emailed them early this morning, but no reply, and still can't post without putting a deposit on. I hope you don't mind just chatting til it's sorted.

Til later

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Sounds like you had quite an adventure with Sam! I have one of my kids ready to learn how to drive next year so I like hearing about your experiences. I am glad you and Sam are ok after the run in with the wall!

 

I'm not sure if the techs at JA work weekends or not. Hopefully, they will get back to you soon. I'm not sure how much they'll let us have a back and forth under the info request, but I'm fine with it if they are.

 

Kate

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