How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, My boyfriend had ongoing stress related to unemployment/mortage

Customer Question

Hi,
My boyfriend had ongoing stress related to unemployment/mortage and tennants.
I think he may be on an antidepressant and has I think seen a counsellor before.
He also has had a dispute with neighbours over boundary fence and recently had
taken this matter to court. My concern is his mood swings mainly with me and I have
been supportive over the last nearly 3 years. It is starting to impact on me as I cant
seem to ever really talk to him, he cuts me off in conversation and I cannot speak and he
can get frustrated easily and mood changes quickly. I have had my concerns about this
behaviour and I stumbled across borderline personality disorder on the net. I was surprised as i could see some traits and behaviour patterns in my boyfriend. I just dont think I can do it anymore I am worn out. He copes with beer and facebook alot now for stress relief and has two pets he is active. He is very intelligent and has insight but is very controlling and dismissive.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question,

 

It sounds like your boyfriend could have a personality disorder. Without a full evaluation by a therapist it is hard to tell. Many people have symptoms of personality disorders but do not meet the criteria for a diagnosis. If you boyfriend has five out of the nine symptoms of Borderline, however, than he may have the disorder.

 

There is help for people with personality disorders. Therapy can help reduce or eliminate the symptoms. The key is whether or not the person has enough insight to see that they have a problem and it is affecting other people. If not, then therapy will not help.

 

Talk to your boyfriend about how his behavior is affecting your relationship. Let him know you want him to consider getting help. Offer to go with him if you think that would encourage him to go. If he still refuses, then you may have to consider a separation. Sometimes separating helps the other person see how serious the effects of their behavior are on the relationship.

 

Here are some resources to help you:

 

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved-Lundy Bancroft

 

http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thanks we have separated once this year already and then got back together. i really dont like being negative and think i have put up with quite a bit. It just seems to be worse at the moment exacerbated by recent stress. He can be rude to me but usually not infront of others. Mostly he is frustrated and irritated but a few time his mood has changed quickly and he is angry over something that i feel is minor. He has locked himself in his room when this has happened wanting space. He puts blame on me for things for know reason. I guess I just have trouble understanding his response to stress

seems to get taken out on me. He got really frustrated the other day cause i wasnt typing something in the computer fast enough and he said he was going to go home if this keeps up! My main concerns are that I dont understand the behaviour and I dont know how to REACT to the behaviour often I keep quiet as if i say something he gets irritated. How should I communicate when someone doesnt let me and doesnt listen.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If he is not listening to you and won't let you talk, it makes it very difficult to share ideas and feelings. A relationship needs to be two ways, and he is cutting you off and dominating the relationship making it one sided.

 

From your description, it sounds like his behavior could be bordering on abusive. Anyone who blames, has frequent mood changes and dominates a relationship can be considered emotionally abusive. If that is the case, there is no way you are going to be able to please him. His problems come from something that has nothing to do with you. He need to resolve them himself in order to get better.

 

You may need to reconsider your relationship. If he will not get help and refuses to listen to your side of things and be fair, he is not going to change. I know it's not easy to hear that. But in my experience, people who are willing to act this way in a relationship usually escalate unless they get help. And you don't want to be caught in a relationship with someone who gets worse.

 

Considering talking to a counselor yourself before you decide what to do. It will help provide you with support and a way to work out your feelings before making the decision.

 

Another resource that may be helpful:

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

He does not have to be hitting you for you to be in a domestic abuse situation. See if your relationship fits any of the criteria. There are additional supports and resources at the end of the article to help you further.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

 

Thanks Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're very welcome. Take care.

 

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education