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What you're experiencing is a combination of grief and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Here are the symptoms of PTSD from the US Nat. Institute of Mental Health:
Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:
1. "Reliving" the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity
Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
Repeated upsetting memories of the event
Repeated nightmares of the event
Strong, uncomfortable reactions to situations that remind you of the event
Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don't care about anything
Being unable to remember important aspects of the trauma
Having a lack of interest in normal activities
Showing less of your moods
Avoiding places, people, or thoughts that remind you of the event
Feeling like you have no future
Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you
Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)
Feeling irritable or having outbursts of anger
Having trouble falling or staying asleep
You might feel guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt"). You might also have some of the following symptoms, which are typical of anxiety, stress, and tension:
Agitation or excitability
Feeling your heart beat in your chest
You would begin to feel much better if you found a therapist who specializes in trauma, and particularly EMDR, a treatment proven to work for trauma.
The fact that you're still living with the man who caused this trauma means that you are constantly being triggered by his presence. Even though you say you've been happy ever since, your symptoms say that deep down inside, you are having trouble trusting him, which is why you cling to him. You are still mourning the baby, and the nightmares are a result of the trauma.
Your symptoms are quite serious, but they can be treated with the help of an experienced therapist. Here is a link to help you find a therapist trained in helping persons with trauma. http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/home/mapping.htm
It's time to get treatment. You don't have to know the precise diagnosis in order to get help. It's the job of the therapist to figure out what is going on. Just tell them what you've told me: Your boyfriend hurt you and caused a miscarriage, and you're having nightmares, thinking you are pregnant, and telling people you're pregnant while you're not. The therapist will take it from there, and do a full history and evaluation.
You say you've have multiple traumas...("I've had post traumatic stress") ...this is not casual stuff, and if you weren't treated the first time, now you are being doubly traumatized. A person doesn't become a compulsive liar overnight...you are suffering from delusions due to the trauma and may need medication to get your thinking straight again.
Stop worrying about figuring out your exact diagnosis, and get yourself into treatment. Call and make an appointment with a therapist or call a shelter for battered women and ask who they recommend for treatment. Please treat this as an emergency and don't delay getting in-person help.
Don't make any decisions about ending your life while you are in the middle of all this upset. Get treatment first.
If this man loves you,and sees that you are trying to address the problems by getting help, I think he will stick by you. I'm sure he feels tremendous guilt about what happened, and wants to do what is right.
Once you have seen a therapist and have figured out exactly what's going on, explain it to him. When he hears that your actions and behaviors were a reaction to the trauma in your life, he should understand. If he doesn't understand, ask your therapist if he could come to a session with you. Once he hears what's going on from a professional, I'm sure he will understand that you weren't making things up on purpose.
Now that I know that you were previously diagnosed with depression, there is another possible explanation for your making things up: It is depression with psychotic features: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/psychotic-depression
Remember that he probably feels guilty so keep the focus on the fact that
1)you're admitting you've acted strangely,
2)you're getting help, and
3) things will be better soon. But this all depends on you actually getting help, because otherwise he will know it's all just words.
If you relist and another expert were to take over, I would not be paid for the work I have done with you. I waited, but you did not respond for over 20 hours.
These are among the issues I recommended you see a therapist in person to work out. And these are the issues it will take full-blown therapy to figure out. Some possibilities are that you have an early history of abandonment (parent's divorce can often lead to this) and when someone you care about leaves, it triggers those childhood feelings. Another is that probably he is the only person other than you who really cared about your pregnancy, and if he leaves, it will be like it never happened, and you're not done grieving yet, and need to be around someone who also feels the pain of the loss.
Your nightmares are based around him because he is the person you depend on, and he is also the person who hurt you. That causes deep confusion and hurt, which is most likely is being played out in your nightmares.
Without doing an evaluation and a full history, all anyone can give are the possibilities. Your time with your therapist will be what helps you sort all this out.
I'm glad you heeded my advice and booked your appointments--Anyone would be in rough shape after going through what you've been through. Admitting you need help is the first step to getting better.
I would appreciate your clicking on ACCEPT so I am paid for my work. Thanks!