Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi Marvin, it's good to hear from you! I am sorry I did not get back to you sooner. I usually take Sundays off.
I am so glad to hear that you and Eve have reached the stage where the two of you are working out your differences together. This is a good sign.
Eve is right that she is to be the center of your life and come first, right after God in your life. But it is a difficult place to be in when you have a mother who needs you, and for good reason. It's not like your mother is emotionally needy like Eve's mother and it is easier to move away from the demands. Physical illness requires care, and your mother needs help.
Have you both thought about trying to get extra help for your mother? If your siblings rely on you to care for your mother, then they should be contributing in other ways to her care. Maybe they might be willing to pitch in together to provide a part time nurse to be with your mother in times when you want to be elsewhere. Also, have you contacted your local Area Agency on Aging? Depending on where you live, they may be able to offer you numerous services to help including aides, nurses, evaluations, Meals on Wheels and other caregiver services. Some even offer you a stipend for caring for your mother as primary caregiver. Try contacting your local social services department for information.
There are also ways you can make Eve feel number one in your life. Send her flowers, set up special dates with her, surprise her with a gift, be affectionate, and tell her how special she is to you. Treat her like a queen and you will make her feel number one. Here are some resources to help give you ideas and to use with Eve to bring you closer:
Our Love Is Here to Stay: A Daily Devotional for Couples by XXXXX XXXXX and Lois Evans
How to Be Your Wife's Best Friend: 365 Ways to Express Your Love by Dan Bolin and John Trent
What Makes a Woman Feel Loved: Understanding What Your Wife Really Wants by Emilie Barnes
I hope you and Eve found the information helpful. If you have further questions, let me know.
I am sorry to hear that Eve had bad news about her eyesight. I am sure she was very glad to have you with her to help her through the news. It sounds like you were very supportive.
It is great you are looking at wedding rings and preparing to move ahead with your lives. Eve (and you) must be very happy! It seems you both have found a good balance between your mother's needs and your needs as a couple.
It sounds like you both have worked out the issues of before and are now looking ahead. It is a good path you are on and I'd recommend you keep going. This is a good time to keep in mind for when after you marry. Marriage is hard work and with the stress of your mother's situation, it will take time and patience to balance all the attention both situations need. Be willing to seek out help if you start to see trouble and also rely on others for support.
I think you are off to an excellent start!
It is very understandable that Eve is afraid. Going blind is a tremendous loss and she may be feeling very vulnerable right now. It is not surprising that she feels you may not want to be with her, but it is an unfounded fear.
Do you think Eve would be open to seeing a therapist? Her doctor may have already referred her, but if not, it would help her adjust and provide her with much needed support (besides your wonderful support, that is!). She needs to find ways to cope with her fear and the uncertainty of her future. And your great support has to be a wonderful balm to her fears. Keep doing what you are already doing. You are giving her hope for the future and that is the best thing to do for her right now.
You may want to talk to the medical experts on Just Answer to get a referral to someone who could help Eve. You could also contact your local hospital for referrals or the American Medical Association may be able to provide names for you. Nurses are always helpful in finding good doctors so if you know any, ask them. They are usually more than willing to help.
If you mean that she should get a medical consultation, by all means mention it. Regular mental health counseling is the best way to help her though. Doctors can provide excellent medical advice and some bed side manner to go with it, but only a trained counselor can help Eve navigate through her fear. Being Christians, you may want to try your church first to either see someone there or they may have referrals they can offer you. Some counselors are also Christian counselors who may advertise God based counseling as part of their skill set. Try this site to help: http://www.findchristiancounselor.com/.