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AgapeDoc, Psychologist
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Should I leave my husband?

Resolved Question:

Should I leave my husband?
We have been together for almost 30 years, and have had a somewhat rocky relationship, have parented two beautiful children whom are doing well (last one is off to college first year).
I have worked very hard to be a good wife and love him dearly, have never cheated, but have also not been happy because he travels for work, and had invested in 4 properties all of which I watch out for while he's away. It's a huge burden I feel, and when he's home he has very little time and as a result the business has become neglected and is failing. It actually has been failing for the last 10 years, and is a drain financially, mentally and has placed a strain on our marriage. My husband gives little support to this dilemma other than financial.
Four years ago I found he was involved emotionally at least with a young Chinese woman while working over there for a year. I found this out the year after because I became suspicious, mainly due to the change in the way he responded to me...lacking affection and intimacy. I found evidence in things he was writing to her, calling her after getting home, etc. We went to therapy and he didn't admit much, just said he was foolish and made a mistake, but that nothing happened. I told him then that he was to never talk to her again, and if this ever happened again I would leave him. I told him he was never to go to China again, unless I went with him.
I just found out he is planning a short 2-day trip to China behind my back, and he has been trying really hard to lose weight...had lost 30 lbs in one month. I am ready to file for divorce. I have noticed he is more distant, although he has never been the same to me since he went there 4 years ago. I think I should leave him and make a better life for myself but it's hard...I am 58 and still have a chance at happiness I hope. I would have hung in there with him and we were just about to retire and spend winters in warmer climate. I am heart broken AGAIN.

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer....

AgapeDoc :

I have read your post a couple of times and I am so sorry you are in such tough situation. You have mentioned at least two issues and maybe three....

AgapeDoc :

Your specific question is if you should stay with your husband... well...

AgapeDoc :

You mentioned some business issues that have not gone well - that is no reason to leave him....

AgapeDoc :

You mentioned that you have lost some intimacy - that is something to work on...

AgapeDoc :

However, if he is sneaking off to see this other woman that could be a very big issue. Honesty and trust are what you need here.

AgapeDoc :

With this final issue - it could be something to work on if you wanted to save your marriage - however, it sounds like you have been down this road before and you want no part of it again -

AgapeDoc :

If he is seeing another woman, or you suspect he is - you should confront him, get the truth and then make your decision.

AgapeDoc :

Based on what you have stated, it seems that he is going to see her (planning a trip behind your back, losing weight, etc.) so confront him - hopefully get the truth and make your decision.

AgapeDoc :

You are entitled to pursue happiness just like everyone else and 58 is not too old to have happiness in your life.

AgapeDoc :

Again, I am so sorry you are in this situation, but I hope I have helped answer your question in a succinct and direct manner.

AgapeDoc :

If you have more questions, please post them here..

AgapeDoc :

But if you are satisfied with my efforts, please don't forget to click on the green accept button because I need to get credit for my work

AgapeDoc :

God bless,

Customer:

Thank you for your help. I understand there is no simple answer to my question. Unfortunately we have been down this road before and he will simply lie to my face, although I will surely ask him anyway.

AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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