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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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Ive been dating a guy for 6 months now. Were both in our

Resolved Question:

I've been dating a guy for 6 months now. We're both in our late forties. He travels a bit but he is always in contact with me daily. When he's in town he calls so we can see each other. This week he was in town and while we were out he had his phone out and was texting "a woman." We were supposed to go out the next night but I got a message that he had to return to MD for work. My gut didn't believe him so I went to his house to see if he had left. Of course I felt that a jerk when I found out he didn't leave because he had gotten the flu. I've been cheated on before and believe my insecurity is coming into the relationship. I apologized and he said it was "no biggie." My question is: how do I regain his trust. I feel so awful for what I did. I've never done anything like that before..
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer.

AgapeDoc :

Let me see if I can help here...

AgapeDoc :

I have read your post a couple of times and I think I can answer your question.

AgapeDoc :

It is my intention to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you click on the green accept button?

AgapeDoc :

Oh, OK... I can see you are offline. Let me go ahead and see if I can help with what you have provided up to this point.

AgapeDoc :

Well, let me start by saying that you shouldn't beat yourself up too much over this. Given the fact that your trust has been betrayed in the past, it is quite understandable that you would react in the way you did.

AgapeDoc :

It is important to point out that it speaks to how much you care for this man that you were so "afraid" (for lack of a better word) that he was betraying your trust. If you didn't care, you would not have reacted in such a manner - it wouldn't have matter as much you see.

AgapeDoc :

Now, having said that.....

AgapeDoc :

Your question is how to rebuild trust - and this is a GREAT question :)

AgapeDoc :

I would start by telling him that you respectfully XXXXX XXXXX terms of it being a "no biggie" as he said.

AgapeDoc :

Tell him how important trust is for you and that you have been hurt in the past, but you want to be in a relationship in which both of you can trust each other.

AgapeDoc :

I would also share this conversation with him (this one that you and I are having) you can go back and look at it anytime on the Just Answer site - this will help him understand how important trust is to you and how important it is that he truly forgives you as opposed to it being (again) "no biggie".

AgapeDoc :

Finally, I suggest you pick up two copies of a book titled The Five Love Languages by Chapman. This is a wonderful book for any couple and I think it is especially a good choice for you two. This book will help you both understand what is important to yourself as well as your partner.

AgapeDoc :

I hope I have answered your question. If you need clarification please just post a response here and I'll be alerted by email and get back with you as soon as I can. However, if you are satisfied with my efforts, please don't forget to click on the green accept button because I need to get credit for my work. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

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