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It sounds like you may have a situational depression. You still have the symptoms of depression but this is connected to situations in your life like the abuse. This can cause hopelessness, sadness and even suicidal thinking. It sounds like the impact of these abusive relationships is leading to severe symptoms. Abuse is not an accident if it keeps happening. You really need to isolate the reason for why you would choose relationships that lead to abuse. It is not your fault but you have to identity this reason so that it doesn't happen again. What is the characteristic that attracts you to such men. It may be the facade that these men present.
You need to find help in whatever form you can. Instead of talk therapy find a therapist trained in trauma. Then you can truly work on the issues that helps you form abusive relationships. There are therapists specifically trained in helping victims. Are the self esteem issues for instance. Call a sexual assault recovery center in your area. Then you can truly work on what makes you stay in dysfunctional relationships. Or find a women's program. When you work on what keeps you in these relationships you can work on you.
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