It is always important to contact 911 when you feel this way. Depression can cause you to feel that there are no answers and no other way out. But that is not true. There is always a way to feel better. It may not feel that way now, but things always change. No one feels suicidal their whole lives.
If you go to the hospital, you may get the same treatment. But you also may find a new medication or someone may say something to you that makes a big difference in how you feel. Each time you get treatment, you provide yourself with hope and a chance to move away from feeling like you want to die.
If you are still feeling suicidal, call someone. Talk about how you feel. Call your therapist. Find the support you need then let those people help you. They care about you and will do what they can to help. You do matter, more than you realize right now. Depression can make you feel all kinds of things that are not true. Don't give in and let it win. Keep trying.
Let me know how you are doing.
Then there is something that needs changed in your treatment. If you are taking the same meds, going back to the same hospital and going to the same treatment team, you may need a different point of view. That does not mean you need to change everything, but even changing something can alter your treatment and make you feel better, and stay that way.
Have you also tried self help? You can do things to help you fill in between treatments and push your recovery forward faster. If you would like some recommendations I can help you with that.
Support is very important. Depression is a burden and you should not carry it alone. If you have family and friends to help, lean on them. If not or you feel you need more, seek out support groups and additional professional help. You need to surround yourself with people who understand who can also help carry you when you feel at your worst and help you feel better. I am also here for you, anytime.
Keep seeking answers. Some people live with disorders for a while. That does not mean that you should give up finding an answer. It is there. It just a matter of finding the right person with the right answer. It is hard to keep going, but I believe that you are strong enough to find the answer.
I have not tried self help. Can you help me with some of those recommendation
Here are some to get you started. Let me know if you would like more:
The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by XXXXX XXXXX, XXXXX Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn
Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You by Richard O'Connor
The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression: A Step-by-step Program (Workbook) by Bill Knaus Ed.D. and Albert Ellis Ph.D.
Try Amazon.com to buy the books or your local library may have them for free.