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MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Physician for 17 years, adult psychiatrist for 13 years working with a wide variety of patients.
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today I had to tell one of my bosses about my Lupus diagnosis

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today I had to tell one of my bosses about my Lupus diagnosis b/c I had a bad flare. I was diagnosed one yr ago and only have told my immediate family, my husband and 4 close friends. I don't know I don't want people to know. Why do I regret telling my boss? She was great about it but now I feel like a weak person and wish I had kept it to myself. Why is this? I thought i would feel unburdened, but I don't
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I am a psychiatrist.

I'm sorry that you are struggling with this on top of having lupus.

Do you feel like you have to apologize for having lupus? It sort of sounds like that.
You didn't sign up for it, right? Nobody does. You don't have to worry about letting people down when things are out of your control. Lupus is out of your control. If it was in your control, you wouldn't have it, because you'd be able to control it. You have it because you cannot control it. You had a flare up, because you cannot control it.

You didn't get lupus because you made a bad decision about something somewhere along the line or because you didn't eat right or because of anything else you could control. It struck you, because it just did. That the way it is.

I suspect that you struggle with not wanting to let people down and/or not wanting them to have the chance to be disappointed in you. That said, you are a human being. Not a superhero, and you are doing the best you can with dealing with this awful disease that you certainly never wanted.

I suspect the answer here is for you to be gentle with yourself. You told your boss (after a year of not doing so), because you needed to tell her. Now she knows, she was receptive, and it's okay.
Does this make sense?
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I hit accept to quickly. I accept, but I wanted you to know that your answer helped a lot. It is interesting that my from my question.. and from not knowing me that that is the conclusion that you drew.

I have been trying to come up with all the reasons why I felt bad and the answer you gave I never even considered.

I thought after a year I had accepted my diagnosis. I guess I still have some work to do. I think up until today , b/c my condition manifested in a public place for the first time, I was reminded again of my situation. Maybe my feeling bad is anger turned inward, at myself b/c I don't know who else to be mad at.

Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 4 years ago.
I'm glad that I was able to help you. I could be wrong, but I have listened to a lot of people, and I know people. The easiest way for you to tell if I was right about you is to be gentle with yourself each time you start to beat up on yourself, and as you do that, see if it makes a difference.
Regarding your lupus, don't ever give up. Don't give it a break. Don't miss a dose of medication, or a doctor's appointment. Be gentle with yourself and be ruthless with the lupus. That is the appropriate target for your anger.
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