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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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My daughter is 12 and just wants to quit the soccer team. My

Customer Question

My daughter is 12 and just wants to quit the soccer team. My husband and I told her she has a few more weeks and finish it out. She hid her soccer gear and refuses to get out of the car and go to practice. shes a good girl but wants to do what she wants. She is in a great mood when she doesnt have soccer or school but as soon as respnsibilities come shes a whole different child. Really cranky!! What to do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for choosing JustAnswer! You are facing the beginnings of adolescent rebellion and the opening salvos will determine who is in control. Xmas is too far away. I would sit down with her and tell her how much you spent on her soccer and ask her what she would do if she were in your place. You need to first find out why she does not want to go. You need to see how much of this has to do with her wanting to get her way and how much of it is her not being able to complete things she is obliged to do. If there is any consequence it should be immediate, capable of renegotiation based on her action and if possible something she agrees with , In the 30 years that I dealt with adolescents I found to my surprise that the consequences the kids thought of were far worse than what the parents would have come up with. You need to preserver her autonomy and at the same time understand her reasons for doing what she is doing.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
This is going to sound terrible but we made her play soccer! We wanted her to pick a sport and she did not so we made her play on the same team as her twin sister. The team is amazing and in 1st place and she could care less. I don't understand!! She is a great athlete. She can out run almost any player and is a great kicker but she sometimes doesn't give it her all. very frustrating!!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
When the going gets tough in sports or school she just gives up. I'm afraid that this will continue throughout adulthood and then she will be in trouble.
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.
You are going to have a hard time getting her to continue playing and you have learned a lesson. Once she is forced to do something she rebels. The best you can ask is for her to repay your monetary losses since she did not complete the season. You have one very cleaver girl who will give you a run for your money. I am concerned also about her tendency to give up. In the future you need to align with her as much as possible. She needs to be involved as much as possible so that her interest doesn't wain. Is she interested in a martial art? It would help her hone her self respect and personal strength.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I know she has always been cleaver when she wants things her way. I do need to keep her involved but nothing interests her anymore. I did ask her if she wanted to do martial arts but the same old "NO" came out! I think she's self conscious. She doesn't like any attention drawn to her. She is very tall and I think that might be it but not sure. I'm hoping she's not biopolar. She's very strong willed.

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