I moved back into the area 3 years ago and have from time to time seen him (I live very close to his place of work). To begin with it was just a curiosity but as time has gone by my need to speak to him has grown - fuelled in part with the knowledge that he will retire in 3 months times and therefore any chance that may have arisen to speak with will be erased.
I did not have therapy at the time and have until now never felt the need. My mother died just before I met him and I am of the opinion that I associate this loss with the imminent loss of him. When we split up he phoned me to tell me and did not give me an opportunity to say goodbye or defend myself from some false accusations that he levelled at me(which I think he knew at the time were trumped up but needing an escape route he ignored).
Of course there are many ways to deal with this and I just want to be able to keep my dignity and if I do contact him assure him that I am not stalking him - which sounds desperate in its own right. I think i am suffering from a growing sense of impending bereavment.
Yes it does make sense. I shall look forward to being able to make the right decision and thus mitigate for any future regrets. In the meantime I will keep the letter and get some therapy.