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Thank you for contacting Just Answer. WELL!!!! Some difficulties here indeed!!! You are correct when you say that she probably feels this way because a boyfriend cheated on her in the past.
What is of great concern is how she is making you feel. Of course, you know that. That's why you are here with your question. You need to sit down with her and tell her how she is making you feel. That she is making you so...ooo uncomfortable and nervous even though you have NEVER done anything. So uncomfortable that you have to delete innocent things because how she carries on. What you need to do is tell her how much you love her but that the two of you need to get this worked out. Tell her that you have NEVER cheated on her but look at what she is doing and how she is making you feel and what she, by her behaviour is making you do because of how she is behaving. Again, say how much you love her and really want to work this out with her and would be willing to go to a couples therapist so that the two of you can reach a resolution about this.
I see you went offline. I'll pause here and await your response to see what you have added to our chat. I'll check back again soon.
What if she is not open to the fact that I did this because of a way I was feeling. To her, it's black and white, I lied and she can't trust me
How do I fix that?
Dr. Shirley Schaye, are you still there?
Hi, you are not going to like what I have to say. But my ethical obligation is to be honest with you and to warn you of the difficulties you are dealing with with this person. Unless she gets help she will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be controlling like this. She does not take ANY responsibility for her own actions. Yes, I know you lied. Believe me I am not advocating lying --- No, No. That's why I am not lying to you just to give you an answer that I think you will like to hear. But does she for a second see the position she put you in? Please sit down with her and tell her that. If she is not willing to see what she does and the position she puts you in you are in deep trouble. You will live a life with her where she will be controlling your every move. Do you really want that? She needs to go for help. Yes, you lied but she was in the wrong, too. She boxed you into a corner.
Let me know what you think so we can chat some more about this. I will be at a meeting later this evening so if we don't catch up tonight, we'll catch up tomorrow. I hope you can see where I am coming from. I am merely trying to forewarn you. If she is not willing to do something you will live a life of hell with her --- just like what you have already described to me --- wanting to hide everything from her or not ever being able to do anything if a woman is in the picture. A N D I am certainly, most definitely am not talking about you cheating. I'm talking about what you referenced --- like what you said about your work and working with woman. Beware!!!!!!!!!!!!