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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I have been dating a woman who had been going out with a married

Resolved Question:

I have been dating a woman who had been going out with a married man . I believe he daughter had a crush on him also. She says she ended the relationship before we started dating . She talks about him in glowing terms. I feel jealous and inadequate comparatively and feel she is keeping secrets. I had been celibate for 19 years before dating her.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this situation,

Bill :

In my work with couples for over 30 years, I can tell you quite frankly that if she is still bringing up prior relationships, they are either ongoing or she has no sense of respect for you and your feelings.

Bill :

Many people are incapable of moving from one relationship to another as they feel inadequate within. This is why you are feeling inadequate in relationship to her as she is projecting this onto you in a what we refer to as "mirroring."

Bill :

In this situation, you should be direct with her about how you feel and tell her that if she continues to have a need to bring the "ex" boyfriend into your relationship it is not the type of relationship you are interested in maintaining.

Bill :

If she becomes defensive and blaming, this will be the BIG RED FLAG that she is not the person for you.

Bill :

To learn more about this, see the following:

Bill :

I trust that this will help you understand what is going on and try and disentangle yourself from it. Feel free to follow up with questions as needed.

Bill :

Best, Bill

Bill :

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