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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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How do I get something out of my head? Mainly, how do I prevent

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How do I get something out of my head? Mainly, how do I prevent something from bothering me excessively? Yesterday in a heated argument my boyfriend yelled out that I piss him off quite a bit. It hurt a lot and no matter how much he tells me now that he didn't mean it, I can't stop thinking about it and assuming there was some truth to it.

How can I move past it? This happens with me a lot and I'd like to know if there are any exercises I can do or thinking methods I can adopt to help me move on more quickly. My mind is definitely my greatest enemy sometimes...
Hi there,
Thank you for writing in here.
We all experience big emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, happiness etc.
You can learn how to manage negative feelings in a number of ways.

I would advise you to practice some exercises such as breathing exercises, meditation, and visualization when you have big, negative emotions.

Dr. Andrew Weil teaches breathing exercises which may relax you and free you from sadness:

1. The Stimulating Breath is adapted from a yogic breathing technique. Its aim is to raise vital energy and increase alertness.

Inhale and exhale rapidly through your nose, keeping your mouth closed but relaxed. Your breaths in and out should be equal in duration, but as short as possible. This is a noisy breathing exercise.
Try for three in-and-out breath cycles per second. This produces a quick movement of the diaphragm, suggesting a bellows. Breathe normally after each cycle.
Do not do for more than 15 seconds on your first try. Each time you practice the Stimulating Breath, you can increase your time by five seconds or so, until you reach a full minute.

2. Relaxing Breath Exercise -

Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
Hold your breath for a count of seven.
Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

3. Breath Counting -

Sit in a comfortable position with the spine straight and head inclined slightly forward. Gently close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then let the breath come naturally without trying to influence it. Ideally it will be quiet and slow, but depth and rhythm may vary.

To begin the exercise, count "one" to yourself as you exhale.
The next time you exhale, count "two," and so on up to "five."
Then begin a new cycle, counting "one" on the next exhalation.

There are a number of meditation techniques.

Visualization is also effective to relax our mind, refocus our mind on positive, healing images, overcome the feeling of unhappiness and negative thoughts.

The audio "Chakra Healing: Guided Meditation and Creative Visualization Aimee R. Shea" Format: MP3 Download" may be helpful for visualization practices.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi, your answer was very helpful and I plan to accept, however may I clarify something? Sometimes I have difficulty stopping myself from thinking negative thoughts because I get paranoid and convince myself I HAVE to think them in case they might be true.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but if so, how do I work with this?
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I am sorry to hear you.
So, you tend to fixate on negative thoughts about you or your situation.
Right? Okay, it's natural. You are only 19 year old. You CAN learn how to manage this habit.
I understand it's emotionally difficult to repress negative thoughts in your mind when your boyfriend or someone close to you tell mean or negative things to you.
If you always think of negative things about yourself or your situation, you may need to get help as you may be vulnerable to depression.
You may benefit from having a Cognitive-Behavior therapy. CBT is effective for depression.

You can call your insurance company and get a list of providers in your area.
Or, you can search a licensed psychotherapist or a counselor on internet- such as the PSYCHOLOGY TODAY website. Go to ( and enter your zip code and optional category of specialty such as anxiety or depression. Read psychotherapists’ profile to see if he or she specializes in Cognitive-Behavior therapy (CBT).
You may also want to create your mental image of psychotherapist that he wants to work with – Male or female? Old or young? To note, many therapists offer initial consultation for free. So you and he can see it as an informational meeting. You can ask any question. You can also negotiate psychotherapy fee and number of sessions.

Feel free to ask me any question.
All the best,
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